Formspring Friday: D/s

Have you ever considered a dom/sub relationship?  Does the thought of one turn you on or terrify you?

1921 illustration of female submission by Georges Topfer from Le Rêve d’un flagellant ("The dream of a flagellant").

Jack's Answer

A D/s relationship isn't my ultimate sexual goal by any means.  I can think of multiple scenarios that I'd rather experience, or in some cases experience again, including group sex and public sex.  But as for whether I have considered it, how could I not have, given how much I read about this sort of thing in the blogs we follow?  That is not to say that I've considered it seriously, or suggested it to Jill.  I have not.  My consideration of a D/s relationship is limited to fantasy, occasionally at best.

I'm dominant.  Jill is submissive.  (I can be submissive and she can be dominant, but in my opinion not enough to identify as switch.)  There are some who might suspect that we already have a D/s relationship given our clearly-defined roles, but I don't believe that to be the case.  While the power exchange is sometimes part of our sex play, neither of us is really that turned on by it to the point that it is the focus or a major motivating factor.  For us, these things are at best a small aspect of our sex life.

I should point out that if we could count on regularly having a significant amount of time, we might dabble in BDSM a bit more than we have thusfar, though it wouldn't necessarily be D/s as neither of us are interested in, nor do we have the time or discipline to devote to, the daily lifestyle that our D/s-practicing friends write about.  Make no mistake, I find most of their experiences electrifying and arousing to read about, in part because as I said, I consider myself dominant.  I just don't think Jill and I will ever go there.  

Jill's Answer

Although my submissive side is much more prominent than my dominant side, I've never been in a proper D/s relationship and I've never seriously considered one.  In fact, it really hasn't even occurred to me on a strictly fantasy level.  That is to say that while some aspects may be appealing, it isn't something that I fantasize about.

In spite of that fact, lately the thought of being in a D/s relationship is somewhat appealing to me.  The more blogs and erotica we read that concern D/s, the more exposed to the ins and outs of D/s I become, and the more I find it sexually arousing to put myself in such scenarios.  But I question whether I am sufficiently interested to actually do it.  I am not even slightly turned on by pain, humiliation, or control, beyond being told what to do in bed.  I'm not the sort of woman to let my partner dictate when I can have an orgasm, for instance.

Jack excels at taking charge, moving me into whichever position he wants me to assume, and on the occasion that I crave it, dominating me.  But such submission isn't something that I need every time I have sex in order to become aroused or to get off.  I am not particularly compelled by the psychological aspects of D/s.  In fact, there are going to be times when I would rather be the dominant person.  So while it turns me on to read about the situations that our online friends enjoy, I don't want to find myself in their shoes. 

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