Sunday Stealing: The Madness Meme, Part 1

Today we ripped off a blogger named Tense Teacher from the blog Tense for a Reason. It's long so we'll do it in two parts. She stole it from The Coffee Table. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player's posts. It's a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack's Answers

1. Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work? No.  In fact, I've never actually heard of anyone doing this.  Is this really a dirty-or-scratched-CD remedy?  Generally speaking if I have a CD that doesn’t play – not that I’ve actually handled a CD in many years – I take a clean cloth and wipe from the center ring outward.

2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated? Probably three or four years.  As for people I’ve slept with, I’ve gone ten years older and probably seven years younger.  Nothing against the nineteen-year-old but we had almost nothing in common and very little to talk about.  Fortunately we were sleeping together and not dating.

3. Ever been in a car wreck? I’ve been in a couple accidents, but never a wreck per se.  I’ve always been able to drive the car from the scene.

4. Were you popular in high school? No.  Far from it.  I don’t want to make it sound like I wasn’t interested in being popular, because I was.  But I was so far from the collective pulse of my peers and what made them tick, even disinterested by it, that I had little hope of being truly popular.  It didn’t matter, as before long I found a niche that suited me, and settled into it.  Make no mistake, I had friends, and I got laid, but these things do not make one popular.

5. Have you ever been on a blind date? No, unless you count internet dating, and I don’t.

6. Are looks important? Yes.  This is not to say that physical attraction is the only thing that matters, or even the most important thing.  Jill and I are both attracted to a number of internal factors including confidence, intelligence, sense of humor and overall personality.

7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more? Yes, plenty.  I don’t make new friends very often, unless they are, say, Jill’s co-workers.  Most of the people I hang around with on a regular basis are people I’ve known for between fifteen and twenty-five years.

8. By what age would you like to be married? As a married man this question is tough to answer without saying something along the lines of, “I’m already married.”  So suffice it to say that I would like to be married for the rest of my life.

9. Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them? Not really.  If it does, it doesn’t affect my view negatively.  I don’t really care how many people someone’s slept with, in part because it’s usually not my business, but also because by judging someone for this aspect of their life I invite similar judgment of myself.  I don’t like the idea that one’s value as a human being is in any way connected to their sexual history, and even in the case of people I dated when I was single, the fact that it’s a sexual history means it’s not a threat to the present.  This past spring The Simpsons introduced a storyline involving Ned Flanders and Mrs. Krabappel starting a relationship.  Informed of her extensive dating history, Stupid Flanders breaks up with her only to later take her back and forgive her for her past.  Mrs. Krabappel takes offense to the notion that her past is something that requires forgiveness, and the future of their relationship was left to a poll on the show’s official website.  I took offense to the fact that fans voted to have them continue dating.  Fuck Flanders.  Holier-than-thou prick.

10. Have you ever made a mistake? Yes.

11. Are you a good tipper? I’m very good when the service warrants it.  When the service is so awful that it impacts my dining or other experience negatively, I under-tip, but only after making sure that the individual to whom the tip is directed is the one at fault; obviously I don’t under-tip when my food isn’t properly prepared.

12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut? Twenty or twenty-five bucks, when desperate.  I do my best to spend at most fifteen dollars for a haircut, though this isn’t always possible.  I have found, however, that you get what you pay for.  One of the absolute worst haircuts I ever got was about $10.  I’ll gladly pay a few bucks more to get a better cut.

13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Seeing as I married one, yes.

14. Have you ever peed in public? Yes.  I remember being stuck in traffic on the way back from Reno or Lake Tahoe when I was a kid, and my parents pulling over to the side of the highway so that I could write my name in the snow.

15. What song do you want played at your funeral? I don’t care.  I don’t care what sort of funeral I have, or if I have one.  I don’t care what’s served at the reception.  I don’t care what you do with my body, whether you bury it or cremate it or donate it to a halfway house for wayward necrophiliacs.  (Suggestion:  Go with whatever’s cheapest.)  Once I’m dead, none of that matters.  I’d much rather have my wishes respected when I’m alive than when I’m dead.

16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay? Yes.  Fortunately my parents are very loving people, even my father with whom I had a strained relationship at times when I was growing up.  I have no doubt that while they may not have understood why I was gay, they would have supported me even in the early 1990s when it was perhaps less politically expedient to do so than it is today.  While I would be nervous about telling them, I wouldn’t fear them kicking me out of the house, reacting with violence, or denouncing me as their son.  I consider myself very fortunate to have the parents that I do, and I wish that all parents were so open-minded and open-hearted.

17. What would your last meal be before getting executed? I’m not sure.  There are far too many foods I enjoy, and the idea of narrowing it down to one item seems nigh impossible, while ordering several seems counter-productive as I hate wasting food and there’s little chance that I’ll eat everything.  I might go with lobster, perhaps a lobster tail or a Maine lobster roll, as I love the taste of this particular bottom-feeder.  However, I think I’d be more likely to choose a food that has more resonance with me, perhaps a Mission-style burrito stuffed with carne asada, or a sausage and mushroom pizza.  Both are foods that I enjoy with much more regularity than lobster, though if I find myself awaiting execution somewhere in the American Midwest, I question whether or not I’d be able to find the right style of burrito or pizza.  If they try to substitute my requested items with, say, a Taco Bell Burrito Supreme or some of that Domino’s crap, I’ll take hostages.  Actually I question whether I would even order a last meal; American serial murderers Ted Bundy and Aileen Wuornos both declined a last meal and instead ate whatever was being served in the cafeterias of their respective correctional facilities.

18. Beatles or Stones? For overall contributions to rock ‘n’ roll, I’d go with the Beatles.  For producing music that I am more likely to listen to, I’d go with the Stones.  It’s a tough choice, honestly; both bands have extensive catalogs of bona fide hits, but the Stones might have a slight edge as in their heyday they epitomized the rock ‘n’ roll style, attitude and swagger.  Now if you’d asked me if I was an Elvis man or a Beatles man, I’d go with Elvis for sure.

19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be? This is quite a conundrum.  My first instinct is to say that I wouldn’t do it.  I wouldn’t want to choose someone, perhaps arbitrarily, to essentially kill.  Even if I wasn’t the one punching the individual’s ticket, I am still responsible for selecting him or her to die.  I’m not comfortable making that choice, so I would very much like to opt out.  If opting out is prohibited, i.e. if I absolutely had to select somebody or suffer a severe consequence, I would probably choose the person who gave me the ultimatum.

20. Beer, wine or hard liquor? It depends on the situation, as I enjoy all three.  When drinking casually at home or in a bar, chances are I’m drinking some variety of craft beer (not one of the corporate mega-brewers).  If I’m relaxing in the hot tub with Jill and friends, it’s probably going to be red wine.  If I’m enjoying a little quiet time or doing a bit of writing, it’s Irish whisky, neat. 

21. Do you have any phobias? Not as I understand the word.  As I understand it, a phobia is a persistent, sometimes irrational, anxiety about a particular situation.  I don’t think I suffer from these.  The fears that I have are, generally-speaking, normal things that I believe most people fear.

22. What are your plans for the future? I’ll start by posting this entry to our blog.

Jill's Answers

1. Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work? Yes, I have.  I did it once in order to clean the surface, but it didn’t work and thereafter I used a damp tissue.

2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated? I once dated a guy who was ten years older.  The largest age difference between me and someone younger is five years, and I married him!

3. Ever been in a car wreck? Yes.  I was rear-ended.  (Feel free to make whatever jokes you like.)

4. Were you popular in high school? No, not really.  I had a large group of friends, but we were by no means the "popular kids."

5. Have you ever been on a blind date? If meeting someone after chatting online counts, then yes.  I have never been set up by mutual friends.  However, I have set up friends on a blind date, and they've been happily married for seven years.

6. Are looks important? Looks are nice, and they definitely get my attention first.  But a good personality is much more attractive to me, and before long I will lose interest in looks if there’s no substance behind them.

7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more? Yes, I have many.  I’ve known one since kindergarten, so thirty-five years. 

8. By what age would you like to be married? When I was younger I used to say that I wanted to be married by age twenty-eight, but instead I was married at age thirty-five.

9. Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them? No, I don’t think so.  Other people’s sex lives are none of my business.  If it’s someone I’m planning on sleeping with, as long as they are disease-free, who they slept with in the past doesn’t affect me.

10. Have you ever made a mistake? Yes, I make lots of mistakes.

11. Are you a good tipper? Yes.  Jack would say that I am too good, as I sometimes tip beyond what the service merits.  I am very forgiving, and it takes the absolute worst service for me to not tip at all.

12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut? I pay about $160 for a haircut and a color.  I used to do this every three to four months before our baby was born, but now I do it maybe every six to eight months.

13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? In high school I had a crush on my history teacher.  He was young, and very cute.  It was an all-girls’ school, and he was one of the few male faculty members.

14. Have you ever peed in public? If peeing in the woods while camping counts as “public”, then yes.  But I generally try to hold it until I find a restroom.

15. What song do you want played at your funeral? Either “Top of the World” by the Carpenters, or some good Irish drinking song.  I hope everyone gets drunk and has a great time remembering me at my funeral.

16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay? Yes, I would tell my parents.  I feel like they would be accepting of anything that made me happy, and my sexual orientation wouldn’t be an issue.

17. What would your last meal be before getting executed? I’d like a medium-rare steak with a loaded baked potato, and a bowl of tomato bisque. 

18. Beatles or Stones? The Beatles.  I know and enjoy more of their music than I do the Rolling Stones’.

19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be? Someone evil, I guess.  I don’t know of anyone specific that I could name, but it would have to be someone so malignantly evil that causing their death would somehow improve the world.

20. Beer, wine or hard liquor? Wine, if I had to pick just one.  I’ll say red wine specifically, maybe a shiraz.

21. Do you have any phobias? Snakes.  I just don’t like them.  They creep me out.

22. What are your plans for the future? I would like to retire early, live in comfort, and travel with my family.