Formspring Friday: Extremely Sexy

what's the most extreme sexual act/encounter you have both experienced together?

In case you're reading this blog for the first time, I need to state for the record that we're not exactly the sort who consider their sex life "extreme".  Varied?  Certainly.  Frequent?  No doubt.  Satisfying?  Even if you're new here, you must know the answer to that.  But not exactly extreme in the sense that we require a fifteen-thousand-foot freefall or a depth of a hundred and fifty fathoms below the surface of the ocean in order to get off.  Electric shock, humiliation, amputation - these are all legitimate kinks that add a significant boost to people's sex lives.  Not ours, though.

Make no mistake, we don't consider ourselves vanilla by any means.  We've always stated that kink is relative.  One person's wild and crazy new experience is another person's passé been-there-done-that.  Many of the people to whom we're closest would undoubtedly consider some of the sex we've had together to be far outside their comfort zone, if not flat-out wrong.  Fortunately neither of us lives our lives - sexual or otherwise - with anyone's approval in mind.  

Our brand of "extreme" really isn't all that extreme.  For us, stepping out of the realm of normalcy usually involves exhibitionism and voyeurism, and perhaps a little risk.  Webcamming, semi-public sex or masturbation, or on the rare occasion that the opportunity presents itself, having sex in close proximity as other people, whether we are actually interacting with them, or more likely just enjoying the voyeurism and exhibitionism.  It's not something that we do often enough for our liking.

The most extreme sexual act or encounter that we have experienced together was likely our October 2011 visit to Power Exchange, a sex club in San Francisco, California.  We'd gone there more or less on a lark, hoping to people-watch and then cross "visit a sex club" off of our bucket list before hopefully returning home full of sexual excitement, and fucking until the morning light.  We hadn't intended to actually have sex in front of a crowd of spectators, but we did.  And despite the fact that it wasn't our ideal experience at a sex club, it was a very fun evening.  You can read all about the night in question here.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog.  We like sexy questions!  To see who else participated this week, visit Twitter and search for #FormspringFriday!

Formspring Friday: Weird to Watch

i would like to watch my husband have sex with his ex is that weird?

Disclaimer:  In my opinion, words like "weird", and for that matter "normal" and "abnormal", don't really fit into the context of sex and sexual desire.  Applying "normal" standards to what turns somebody on is just another way for the mainstream to control human sexuality, stigmatize free sexual expression, and force people into a box, so to speak.  On to your question:

I don't think it's weird at all, but then "weird" is a relative term.  There are undoubtedly plenty of people out there who would disagree with me, but I see nothing wrong with your desire to watch your husband have sex with his ex.  You don't specify why you want to watch, but I know that Jill found the prospect of watching me with one of my exes exciting mainly because she wanted to see how my performance differed between when I had sex with my ex and when I have sex with her.  Additionally, Jill is a voyeur, and likes the idea of watching something private, of watching two people (or more, possibly) let their guard down and become vulnerable.  There's something powerfully erotic about that scenario.

Is it normal?  Well, that depends on who you ask.  Sex-negatives and die-hard monogamists who disapprove of extracurricular sex would likely find the scenario you describe deviant, and the thought of letting one's significant other stray outside the boundaries of his or her commitment morally wrong.  Others would say that it's normal to have such a desire and perhaps even normal to act on that desire, but might caution you against letting your husband have sex with his ex as there may still be feelings below the surface.  Still others would say that your interest in watching your husband have sex with his ex is not only perfectly normal but completely hot, and if all three of you are equally into it, and if there's absolutely no possibility of still-smoldering emotions on their end or jealousy on yours, why not give it a shot?

Bear in mind that it's possible you won't know how you'll really feel about watching your husband have sex with his ex until you're actually in the situation, and by then it may be too late.  It might be the greatest turn-on you can imagine right now, when it's still an abstract concept.  But once he's inside her, doing things that were previously reserved for you, your feelings could very well change.  Even if you're certain now that you won't be jealous, what if you're mistaken?  Even if you aren't prone to jealousy, what if watching your husband and his ex simply turns you off, and alienates you from him?  I'm not in any way implying that you don't know your own feelings, but we've heard stories of people who were so focused on their partner's pleasure that they neglected their own.

I note that while you say you would like to watch your husband have sex with his ex, your question could be interpreted as relating to a fantasy as opposed to something you are interested in pursuing and making a reality.  If that's the case, no one's opinion should matter except your own, and possibly your husband's.  No fantasy that remains completely in one's mind can be harmful in and of itself.

However, if you are hoping to turn this fantasy into a reality, the first step is discussing it with your husband.  Is he into it?  I know that there are several exes of mine that Jill would probably enjoy watching me fuck, but I'm not getting in touch with them for anything.  Is the ex someone with whom your husband is still in touch, and with whom the topic could be discussed comfortably?  In other words, has she become a born-again Christian?  Is she married to someone who is under the delusion that she was a virgin when they met?  Is she incarcerated or institutionalized?  If your answers to these questions are all "no", that's potentially very promising.  Additionally, if you don't think it'll be anything more than a fuck - again, no chance of those pesky emotions rearing their heads - I don't see a problem.

I'm no authority.  If there are any points I'm missing, I'd appreciate a heads-up from anyone more knowledgeable than I.

-Jack

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog.  We like sexy questions!  To see who else participated this week, visit Twitter and search for #FormspringFriday!

Formspring Friday: The Dark Side

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Formspring Friday: Unusual Turn-Ons

What is one thing that you think is incredibly sexy that most others wouldn't?

Jack's Answer

My turn-ons are pretty broad.  I go for all the typical stuff:  Full, round asses and soft, comfortable breasts where one can lay one's head and drift off to sleep.  Sexy, pouting lips that hint at exquisite oral pleasure to come.  Long legs.  Pretty, scintillating eyes of any color.  I like personality, intelligence, and sense of humor.  I find all of these things arousing, and I acknowledge that most people probably do as well.  The fact is, most of what turns me on is fairly mainstream.  There is, however, one thing that comes to mind, and while it may not be universally sexy, it's definitely not the sort of thing that no one finds sexy but me.  That one thing is glasses.

They say that boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses.  If that's true, then I suppose thanks are in order; because the boys refrained from showing their appreciation for the cute bespectacled young lasses, they enjoyed it all the more when I did.  Glasses are often a sign of intelligence - most people don't screw up their eyes from watching too much reality TV - and frequently symbolize quirkiness or geekiness.  Often the preconception that comes with wearing glasses belie the reality, as most of the women I've known who wore glasses were quite wild and unpredictable.

Jill's Answer

Watching a man interact with a baby or a small child is one of the biggest turn-ons that I can think of that doesn't directly involve sex.  There is something very exciting about seeing a Dad (or an uncle or in some cases even a grandfather) hold a baby with confidence, kiss her gently on the head, and talk to her in a reassuring voice.  If he makes the baby giggle by tickling her or blowing on her belly, even better.  Watching a man rock a baby in his arms, or even dance while cradling her can provoke not only a physical reaction in me, but a very strong emotional reaction as well.  If the child is a toddler and he's dancing with her standing on his feet, it brings tears to my eyes.

It really depends on the guy, of course, but watching a strong man be so tender and loving toward a child, without reservation or self-consciousness, is sexy.  A guy who I wouldn't ordinarily find attractive can completely change my opinion based on how he acts with a baby.  I don't know why I feel this way, but it's very real to me.  I can't be the only woman who is so affected by witnessing a man's paternal instinct.  I see this a lot with Jack.  He's hardly the sort of man to adopt a tough, macho exterior.  But when I see him hold our daughter, talk to her, or play with her, it melts my heart, especially if he doesn't know that I'm watching.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog.  We like sexy questions!  To see who else participated this week, visit Twitter and search for #FormspringFriday!