It's Christmastime! For many years Jill and I have bought each other naughty Christmas gifts: A vibrator here, an erotic fiction anthology there. On one very memorable Christmas morning some years back I gave Jill her beloved Eroscillator, as well as a bright red Liberator Throe. It was a miracle that we made it to her parents' house in time for Christmas dinner.
Naturally, we don't exchange these gifts in mixed company, but rather in private on Christmas morning. We're pretty sure that the relatives with whom we spend Christmas Day probably wouldn't know how to react if they saw me unwrapping a Duet vibrating cock ring, though I'd like to think that her sisters would respond with great interest.
"Why would it be embarrassing to unwrap a sex toy in front of the family?" asks Beck in an recent article for SexIs Social, the online magazine of EdenFantasys. "After all [a gift] should be something that is useful." She goes on to analyze the numerous benefits of masturbation, including lower risk of prostate cancer in men, prevention of cervical infections in women, prevention of premature ejaculation, ease of sexual arousal and orgasm, and self-reliance.
Masturbation is something that virtually every single human being on the planet has done at some point in his or her lives, and more than likely does regularly. It is a natural part of human sexual development, and not only is it not harmful in and of itself, regular masturbation seems to actually promote good health. Why, then, is it viewed in such a negative fashion by the general public?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the stigma surrounding masturbation is tied directly into the stigma surrounding sex in general. While partnered sex is something to which most would admit, for many people masturbation carries a large degree of shame and guilt. This is due in part to claims by the religious establishment that the Bible specifically forbids masturbation, as well as the misguided notion that masturbation is only for those who are incapable of sex with a partner.
Society in general must bear the blame for furthering such misinformation, or for allowing the furtherance thereof through its own inaction. Masturbation has never been taught in American schools, to the best of my knowledge. Even if it were, I imagine that it would be "taught" from the false perspective of "masturbation is morally wrong." If we were capable of engaging in a serious discussion on a topic as needlessly controversial as this, we might be able to deflate the myths and shine some light on an unfortunately-maligned practice that hurts no one.
So why aren't we? Why is discussion of masturbation more off-limits than politics and religion these days? It's pretty clear that it has a lot to do with the false but still pervasive notion that the primary function, if not the only function, of human sexuality is procreation. Obviously countless people regularly have sex for pleasure. But sometimes it seems as though no one is willing to admit it.
I've long wished for a society that was more relaxed with regard to sex. I daydream about a world that isn't so uptight, that doesn't necessarily laud depictions of violence while criminalizing depictions of consensual sexuality. A world wherein we could openly discuss things like masturbation, sex toys, and partnered sexual activity in so-called polite company without receiving dirty looks, being cut from everyone's Christmas card list, or even being giggled at.
Were society to adopt a healthy attitude about sex, many of its dysfunctions would likely cease to exist. There would be fewer hang-ups. There would be far less pressure to conform to what the general public believes a relationship should be, and as a result, less tension between the sexes. There would be more open communication. Once people stopped feeling the need to stifle their sexual urges there would conceivably be less aggression. War, and even road rage, might be a thing of the past.
The downside, of course, is that if I am able to openly discuss sexual matters in mixed company, then my parents might feel free to do the same, and that would totally squick me. Hell, just the thought of it is squicking me right now. But why should it be distasteful? Presumably if we lacked our puritanical upbringing and the sexual hang-ups that accompany it, talking to my parents about sex, or even overhearing them talk about sex, would be no different than overhearing them talk about, say, their taxes.
Beck closes her article by asking her readers if they dare gift a sex toy this Christmas. To reiterate my earlier point, we aren't going to be exchanging naughty gifts in front of my in-laws this year. But we did place an order for an nJoy Pure Plug, and - drumroll, please - the fabled Hitachi Magic Wand. Though we ordered them together, they will likely be wrapped and placed under the tree, then unwrapped on Christmas morning, or more likely Christmas Eve after our daughter has gone to bed. Reviews will follow.
For more of our thoughts on masturbation, see Jill's Look Back at Masturbation Month. There's a video!
This post was sponsored by EdenFantasys.
2 comments:
I've had an off-brand (Adam n Eve) Hitachi wand for several years and I LOVE it. It often travels with me because the size is very good for non-sexual stress relief in certain harder to reach areas after being in a car, on a plane, etc for too many hours.
But remember, the Puritans were so uptight they got kicked out of ENGLAND! That's saying something. Things are slowly improving, but we've got a long way to go, sadly.
I HIGHLY recommend the book A History of Celibacy by Elizabeth Abbot. A good, albeit dense read. I actually had to get out my dictionary a few places, which always makes the word-nerd in me happy. Doesn't address many of these issues directly, but some of the historical info gives new light on modern culture.
Very thoughtful analysis, and well said. The topic of masturbation among our own social circle is rarely a taboo, but there are those we encounter that turn the brightest shades if pink whenever it's mentioned. The use of toys or massagers with a partner or alone shouldn't cause awkwardness, but it does in some people's minds. Shame there isn't a way to reverse that.
Happy holidays,
Octavia
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