Loosen Up!

Guys:  Do you find that vaginal, anal, and oral sex simply don't provide the stimulation necessary for you to reach orgasm?  Do you need to lose yourself in a fantasy, or watch porn, in order to get off when having intercourse?  Has a Friday night date ever asked you, in the middle of sex, if you're going to be much longer because he or she needs to go to work on Monday morning?  If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, you may be afflicted with DGS, sometimes known by the much more insidious and threatening moniker "Death Grip Syndrome".

I have been masturbating for almost twenty-five years, and I can attest that Death Grip Syndrome, or the employment of a too-tight grip during self-pleasure, is potentially a very serious problem.  In the United States, masturbation is not part of sexual education; as a result most budding masturbators are unaware that a somewhat loose grip on the penis will most closely replicate the tightness of the vagina, anus, and mouth, promising a pleasurable time (and a relatively prompt orgasm) when the individual becomes sexually active and begins penetrating something other than his fist.

I recently came across an article at SexIs Social, the online magazine of EdenFantasys, that offers advice for curing DGS.  The article is essentially an advertisement for the Fleshlight line of male masturbation sleeves, but the information given is no less accurate and important.  For years - until very recently, in fact - I viewed such masturbation aids with skepticism.  Why would I consider paying in upwards of fifty dollars for a device that could help me jerk off when I already have two perfectly good devices that I literally never leave home without?*

The fact of the matter, however, is that if I were able to travel back in time and visit my eleven- or twelve-year-old self on the eve of my first solo spanking session, I might tell him - or rather, tell me - to keep an eye on the pressure gauge when masturbating because most, and in fact probably all, vaginas do not feel like the sort of clamp one uses to hold a piece of lumber motionless while cutting it down to size with a jigsaw.  In fact, I might suggest that he - sorry, that I - vary my (or was it his?) grip so as to discover the ideal amount of tightness that will ensure proper sexual functioning for years to come.

And I might tell my younger self to invest in a Fleshlight when they are eventually released.  Because while it may seem like the sort of invention designed by a sex toy industry desperate to get its hands into the pockets of the half of the population least likely to purchase a sex toy, I'm beginning to see that there is a major practical application to these sleeves.  My ability to go all night was a point of pride when I was single, blindly navigating the Minotaur-infested labyrinth that was the mid-1990s dating scene.  But now that I am in my thirties, married with a child and more or less cut off from the single life, there are nights when I really wish I had spent the last decade or so masturbating with a Fleshlight if only so that I could get off before the baby wakes up.

Women face a similar hazard, of course.  While I am definitely in favor of Jill's expansive collection of high-quality toys - I must be, having bought most of them for her - we are both wary of her becoming overreliant on them.  She uses her Eroscillator more often than any other toy she owns, but apparently not so often that she has become desensitized to other methods of masturbation.  This ensures that if she forgets to pack a vibrator before we take a vacation, or perhaps if she finds herself horny, alone, and without batteries or a wall socket, she won't lack for orgasms.

In conclusion, while I can't honestly say that my tendency to take a long time in reaching orgasm is necessarily a problem, there have been occasions during the course of the twenty years since I lost my virginity where after an hour or more of fucking, my partner was just done, and for that matter so was I.  We were on the verge of setting the sheets on fire, and not because we're so hot but because if you rub two of anything together long enough there's bound to be friction.  So take it from me, gentlemen:  A softer grip works better in the long run.

*I'm talking about my hands, not some sort of bargain-basement Fleshlight knock-offs.

This post was sponsored by EdenFantasys.