Wicked Wednesday: Who Needs Labels?

This week's prompt image comes from http://radicalbi.wordpress.com/

I've never been particularly interested in labels.  I've always tried to be an individual, without much concern about fitting into the compartments created by society for its own convenience.  I think that I am far too complex an individual to be summed up in a single, easy to remember term, or terms:  Mother.  Daughter.  Sister.  Irish.  Teacher.  Wife.  BBW.  Catholic.  I'd rather people get to know me and form an opinion of me based on my actions, rather than on any of a series of somewhat superficial details.

One of the labels I find myself rejecting lately concerns my sexuality.  Lately I've found myself wondering if I am in fact bisexual.  Bisexuality refers to attraction or sexual behavior toward both males and females.  By this definition I suppose that I am, as I regularly find myself attracted to both men and women.  Furthermore, while I have always identified as heterosexual, I've had sex with women as well as men, and I'm very interested in having much more sex with both genders in the future.

But I don't know if I am truly bisexual.  I don't believe that one's sexuality is defined entirely by the sort of individual with whom he or she has sex.  It seems to be one thing to make out with a woman after you've had a few drinks and a gang of rowdy frat boys is spraying you with lukewarm beer and egging you on.  It's something else to make out with a woman when you're completely sober because she's hot and you just want to know what she tastes like. 

Despite the fact that I have long been attracted to women, long desired them, and even blogged about my disappointment over sometimes going long stretches of time without any girl action, I don't identify as bisexual.  Even though I love feeling the gentle kisses that only a woman can give, even though I feel my heart skip a beat sometimes when I think about a particularly sexy female Twitter (or blog) friend and imagine what she might be like in bed, I don't know that I really want the "bisexual" label, or that it even fits me all that well.  But I'm also not sure that my failure to adopt the label necessarily makes me straight.

I'm more bisexual than a woman who interacts sexually with another woman in order to fulfill some long-standing fantasy of her boyfriend's, and then feels bad about it afterwards.  Of the several instances (so far) in which I've found myself writhing sensually against a naked woman, I've loved every minute.  However, i can't imagine making a definitive lifelong choice to date or sleep with women exclusively.  

And it's not just because I'm happily married to a man.  Even if I wasn't, I couldn't imagine making such a commitment.  I enjoy pussy very much.  I love the way it feels, and the way it smells and tastes.  There's something very feminine about it, and as a woman I find it very appealing.  But the fact is, I need cock.  If I had to choose one gender over the other to be with sexually for the rest of my life, it wouldn't be much of a choice.  I'd never eat pussy ever again.  Fortunately, I'm sure I'll never have to make such a decision.

Perhaps I should embrace the bisexual label I've so long avoided.  Many of the people in my social circle, including close friends I've known for decades and trusted family members in whom I can confide for almost anything, would undoubtedly be shocked if they knew of the lust I feel for women.  While I'm not about to share this with them, I like having such a closely-guarded secret, one that I can reflect on and giggle about when I'm in their presence.

So maybe I'll give it a try and see how it feels.  I know Jack won't fight me, as he seems to like the label.  In fact, it's all he can do to keep from accidentally-on-purpose mentioning it in conversation with his friends.

"My bisexual wife this, and my bisexual wife that."

- Jill