Flash Fiction Friday: Wild Thing

He should have known she was trouble when she pulled out his cock in the middle of a crowded bar.  

Sure, she tried to be sneaky about it, but he’d already bought her two Long Islands to chase the first one, and “subtle” wasn’t in her repertoire.  When she climbed off of her chair and started giving him a sloppy blowjob, he tried to play it cool.  It had been too many months since he’d gotten one and he wanted to seem appreciative, but he was mortified.  If this seemed even slightly normal, all the wide-eyed, gape-mouthed onlookers said otherwise.

A bartender yelled at them to take it outside, and held up a phone to show he was calling the police.  She flipped the bird to the entire bar before grabbing his wrist and yanking him to his feet.  He barely had time to zip up before following her out of the bar.  As they ran down an alley, she found a beat-up Datsun and smashed the driver’s-side window with a trash can.  

When she asked if he knew how to hotwire a car, he took her hand and pulled her on, just as a police siren sounded in the distance.  His car wasn’t far away.

She led him to a dilapidated apartment in a neighborhood where he didn’t want to leave his car parked overnight.  As soon as he got onto her bed, he noticed the strap-on dildo atop the dresser.

“You like to fuck women with that thing?” he asked.

“No.” (253/255)

Behind the Scenes

After a week's hiatus, Ram the Sunlover has presented another Flash Fiction Friday challenge.  Upon seeing the prompt photo, I knew I'd have no trouble coming up with something, though as I considered the possibilities I always had the first line ("He should have known...") in my head.

I was pleased to find that this week's prompt included a higher-than-expected word limit, though 255 is really only high when compared to previous weeks' word limits.  I burned through my allotment relatively quickly, which is why the beginning of my story is relatively heavy on detail and the conclusion lacking.

As seems to be standard of late, I omitted the required phrase ("...too many...").  Fortunately, the higher word limit meant I didn't have to trim any verbiage in order to make it fit.  I considered incorporating the phrase into the final line of the second paragraph, i.e. "too many wide-eyed, gape-mouthed onlookers said otherwise", and likely would have done so had the word count been too high.

Deleted Scenes

I considered structuring the story much differently, beginning with the same opening line, then flashing forward throughout the couple's relationship and eventual marriage.  I would have depicted them raising children together, with the wife a much less stable presence in the lives of her children and of her husband.  The story may have concluded with the husband, now balding and paunchy with middle-age, asking for a divorce after bailing her out of jail for one of countless possible offenses.  The story would have had an epic feel to it, spanning perhaps twenty-five years.  However, this sounded like a serious downer, and I decided to go with the comparatively light-hearted story I ultimately wrote.

Soundtrack

Rick James' "Super Freak" would work nicely during the sequence at the bar.  During the couple's exodus from the bar and attempted car theft, either Hall & Oates' "Maneater" or "Le Disko" by Shiny Toy Guns.  As they're about to get down to business in her apartment, I like "Devil Woman" by Cliff Richard.