Frisky in the 916

Formspring Friday: How to Turn Us On (and Off)

2012-02-17T09:00:00.000-08:00

If you're looking for our Flash Fiction Friday, it can be found here.

What’s the biggest turn on and turn off in the opposite sex? Same sex?

Jack's Answer

For me, the biggest turn-on about a member of the opposite sex is a really nice ass. While the first thing I notice in a woman (as well as the thing I will spend most of my time looking at) is the face, the aspect of a woman that excites me the most is her ass. I know I've claimed to value intelligence, open-mindedness, and personality above all else, and I really do appreciate these things. But a shapely ass is definitely my biggest turn-on, at least physically. I'd like to state explicitly that I am not turned off by a woman with a less-shapely ass, nor would I find the prospect of doggy style sex with such a woman unpleasant in the least.

The thing that most turns me off in a member of the opposite sex is actually several internal factors, including negative attitude, ignorance, lack of personality, and bigotry or prejudice. When it comes to physical attraction there are countless variations that I find appealing. I can't think of anything in the physical realm that is a deal-breaker for me. However, a woman who brings to the table the aforementioned internal factors will be hard-pressed to hold my interest long enough for sex to occur. I wish I could say that I have never dated or slept with a woman who suffered from this particular affliction, but I most certainly have. However, I usually didn't respect myself for it afterwards.

As for what turns me on most in a member of my own sex, this is a difficult question to answer. I identify as straight, and thus I don't usually think of men as being able to turn me on. I spent some time pondering this question, really thinking critically, in the hopes of coming up with an honest and interesting answer. Speaking from a non-sexual viewpoint, I find men easiest to get along with if we share an appreciation for similar things, including the same types of entertainment, and geek culture in general. Ideally we should have things in common, and be able to talk about various issues over a couple pints. That is not to say that we must have the exact same views on the issues; I have friends who are politically and spiritually quite different from myself, and we get along well.

The biggest turn-off in a man is the exact same as it is in a woman, in particular willful ignorance. Moreso than when I was younger, I find it hard to be friends with someone I don't respect, and I can't respect someone who adopts the herd mentality and refuses to think for himself. Surrounding myself with ignorant friends might make me the Alpha of our group, but I don't value Alpha status enough to seek out the ignorant for the purposes of friendship.

Jill's Answer

The thing that turns me on the most in men is the face, especially eyes and smile. I am attracted to men who have sexy eyes and a confident smile. If they make eye contact with me and smile when we talk, they come off as genuine and honest. It makes me feel good to be in the presence of men like this. Bonus points if they have cute little dimples.

The biggest turn-off for me in a man is bad hygiene, especially bad breath and body odor. I don't care how cute or charming a guy is, if he stinks I will never find him attractive. (I also feel this way about women, but in women it's not the biggest turn-off for me.) The opposite is also true: A man who smells really good will probably turn me on because of it.

As with men, the biggest turn-on for me in a woman is also their faces. I love a woman with pretty eyes and a sexy smile. But if I have to come up with a unique answer, I will say breasts. It doesn't matter how big they are, or what size, shape, or firmness. I just like breasts. They are so much fun to look at and touch.

The thing that turns me off the most in women is cattiness. I'm not talking about bitchiness. When I think "bitchy" I think of women who are strong-willed, and who stand up for themselves and speak their minds. People usually call this kind of woman bitchy, but I respect them for their strength. I'm talking about women who are malicious and underhanded, and who are out to hurt others. I can't be friends with this kind of person, let alone be turned on by them.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog. We like sexy questions!

Flash Fiction Friday: Flower Girl

2012-02-17T00:05:00.000-08:00

(Source image: unknown title, photo by Mina Bast)

Stacy loved flowers.

As soon as she saw the long-stemmed crimson roses in his hand, she pulled him down the hall toward the bedroom. She didn’t even bother smelling them, or reading the folded note tucked into the bouquet. She cast open the door, stripped off his clothes, and flung him onto the bed.

The roses were forgotten, leaves and petals strewn chaotically about the mattress and the floor. Stacy doffed her own clothing and climbed upon the bed to have her way with him.

Some days, thought Bill, being a flower delivery boy sure is worth it. (98)

-Jack

Behind the Scenes

Some weeks, I find that writing a Flash Fiction Friday story that does the prompt photo justice, includes the required phrase or word, and does not exceed the limit, is easier than others. I wrote this story in four minutes, as once I determined where it was headed the words flowed very easily. However, determining this path, and especially the twist at the end, proved challenging.

Knowing that the required word was “folded”, and taking into account her position relative to the man, I considered taking the obvious route and using “folded” to describe her body. I decided against it relatively quickly, and instead considered other uses for the word. Somehow I hadn’t noticed the flowers adjacent to the man’s knee, and when I did it made sense that “folded” could refer to a love note included in a bouquet of flowers.

Unwilling to write about a simple, straightforward tryst inspired by a gift of roses, I considered other angles. In each possible idea, the two people pictured were not necessarily the giver and the recipient of the flowers; I wanted there to be a surprise at the end. However, none of the ideas I came up with were exactly what I wanted them to be. I thought about it for awhile, and then it hit me, almost ridiculous in its obviousness: The recipient fucks the delivery boy.

Deleted Scenes

As with last week, there wasn’t anything that I couldn’t fit, even given the double-digit word limit. Initially, I inadvertently omitted reference to the folded note, and in order to make it fit I had to remove a few arguably unnecessary words. I tend to write in a florid style to begin with, and conforming to a word limit forces me to keep my writing leaner than it would be otherwise.

Soundtrack

Given the subject matter, I think "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal is a pretty good choice.

If you'd like to take part in the fun, or see who else participated this week, check out Erotic Flash Fiction Friday.

The Naughty Hangout: Sundae, Lovely Sundae

2012-02-16T00:02:00.000-08:00

This week's theme at The Naughty Hangout is "yummy". We love food just about as much as we do sex. We don't often mix the two, but when we do it's pretty tasty.

Head over to The Naughty Hangout and see who else participated this week!

-Jill

Sub Text: Honey Flick's Tale

2012-02-15T12:13:00.000-08:00

You lie on the bed, Jill and I pleasuring you alternately. One of us caresses and sucks your breasts whilst the other devours your pussy, and then we switch. There's no hiding your arousal; the puddle beneath your beautiful ass is large and growing larger. We bring you to the brink of orgasm repeatedly and then stop.

You beg us to let you cum, but it's our turn first. Jill replaces you on the bed, lying on her back whilst you lap hungrily at her clit. You try to finger her, but we decide that you can only use your mouth, so I hold your hands tightly behind your back as you devour her. Apparently you do a very good job, because Jill cums quickly, her orgasm so intense that soon your face is as wet as the bedsheets. Jill purrs contentedly.

As it is now my turn, you ask what I'd like. I climb onto the bed and pull you up to your knees. Your mouth is exactly level with my cock, and needing no further instruction you open wide and swallow me to the base. I can feel it reach the back of your throat, and you slide your lips up to the head and then back down. I meet every movement of your mouth with an equal movement of my hips, and soon I am fucking your throat with great excitement. Despite this, you are not a passive participant. I now see for myself exactly why Jill came so quickly; you've got incredible talents, and I'm sure I won't last long.

I signal my orgasm with an unintentional moan, and you place your hands on my ass, drawing my cock ever deeper into your mouth. As I ejaculate you betray your hunger with satisfied sounds, swallowing my cum with great delight. These sounds soon turn into moans of pleasure, and I realize as I pull out of your slippery mouth that Jill is fingering your pussy. I watch, my cock remaining fully engorged thanks to the sight before me.

As your arousal builds, you ask us if you may cum. You've done your job well, and we graciously give you our permission. With that, your pussy clamps down on Jills hand, and you let loose with a great flood of wetness that soaks her forearm to the elbow. You moan heartily before collapsing face-down on the mattress. Looking down at your quivering body, I gaze lustfully at your ass, exposed invitingly. Our adventure is just beginning.

Note: This story was adapted from an email exchange with Honey Flick. See who else is being wanton this week!

Retro HNT: Face Down

2012-02-15T00:05:00.000-08:00

"Face Down", posted March 18, 2010

In 2010, we posted fifty-two straight weeks of pictures at OHNT. We're posting them on our blog, one per week. They can be found here, along with background information and all the comments they received.

Note: This is our 300th published post! Go us!

TMI Tuesday: February 14, 2012 - Happy Valentine's Day

2012-02-14T01:51:00.000-08:00

It’s the Half-naked-winged-man-in-his-undies-carrying-a-bow-and-arrow day.

After Thirtysomething was canceled, Timothy Busfield fell on hard times.

Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day or think it’s a consumer-oriented, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance, just have yourself some fun by answering these TMI Tuesday questions.

Jack's Answers

1. Cupid is the god of desire, affection, and erotic love. As the myth goes, a person who is shot by Cupid’s arrow is filled with uncontrollable desire. On your behalf, who would you like Cupid to shoot?

Obviously I need no help from Cupid, but for the sake of this question I'll play along. I would like Cupid to shoot a particular girl from high school who wouldn't give me the time of day. I'd love to say that I'd spurn her advances as she did mine, but who am I kidding? I'd fuck the fuck out of her.

2. Earlier in the evening you had dinner at the Fook Yue Chinese Restaurant. You are feeling quite amorous. You open a fortune cookie in the bedroom. Three fortunes appear:

1- “Your patience will be rewarded.” What would you like that reward to be?

2- “Try something new.” What is the something new you want to try?

3- ” ’tis better to give than receive.” What would you like to give?

1. Another threesome. I've been six months worth of patient.

2. I can't think of too many things that I want to expereince that I haven't yet. I'd probably lean toward some sort of BDSM play, or perhaps a threesome with another guy, ideally the husband of Jill's college roommate, after whom she's lusted for years.

3. My favorite thing to give is an orgasm. Whether orally, manually, or via penetrative sex, few things are as fulfilling as making somebody cum.

3. If you were to write a special Valentine message (e.g., card, letter, etc.) what is that message?

To Jill: You are everything I've ever wanted and needed in my life.

4. Are you doing something special for Valentine’s day or is it just another day?

Valentine's Day has always been just another day to me. Before I met Jill, when I happened to be in a relationship on Valentine's Day I had no problem playing along, even when I was just going through the motions. I would gladly make dinner reservations, knowing that the meal would cost more than it did the night before. I would buy roses, get dressed to the nines, and pull out all the stops to show a good time to the person I was with and, usually, have some sex. But the truth is that if I love someone, I don't want to wait until Valentine's Day to make some ostentatious grand gesture of romance.

5. You must give chocolate to your secret Valentine for Valentine’s Day. The chocolate is in the shape of your what?

It's got to be in the shape of my first dog, a small Yorkshire Terrier. It was the cutest thing in the world, and I just know that my secret Valentine (okay, Jill - I don't have a secret Valentine) would love opening up a delicately-wrapped package containing a chocolate effigy of little Sparky. Oh wait - I never owned a Yorkshire Terrier. So maybe it can be in the shape of my cock. Not the size, though. That would require a lot of chocolate.

Bonus:

You can make your own valentine heart candy. What is your message? (Go to this link. Create your candy. Post the generated Valentine candy on your blog).

Jill's Answers

I would say Jack, but Cupid already shot him. Maybe my movie star crush Mark Ruffalo? Or one of the many bloggers and Twitter friends to whom I am attracted?

2. Earlier in the evening you had dinner at the Fook Yue Chinese Restaurant. You are feeling quite amorous. You open a fortune cookie in the bedroom. Three fortunes appear:

1- “Your patience will be rewarded.” What would you like that reward to be?

2- “Try something new.” What is the something new you want to try?

3- ” ’tis better to give than receive.” What would you like to give?

1. I would like my reward to be a day that's all about me from start to finish: Sleeping in, full body massage, great food and drink, oral sex, fisting, and fucking.

2. For "something new" I would pick moderate bondage (something a little more intense than handcuffs and spanking), soft swap including oral, and an MFM, which would be really hot.

3. I would like to give head. Bonus points if I get some in return.

3. If you were to write a special Valentine message (e.g., card, letter, etc.) what is that message?

I would write the following message to Jack: "I love you more every day. I can't imagine a life without you. You are an amazing husband, best friend, and lover! I wake up every single morning excited to spend the rest of my life with you!"

4. Are you doing something special for Valentine’s day or is it just another day?

We'll probably make a nice dinner or order in. It's hard to go out with the baby and a lack of reliable babysitters. Plus the crowds are ridiculous, and the prices are over the top just because it's Valentine's Day. Hopefully we'll eat, put the baby down early, and enjoy each other.

5. You must give chocolate to your secret Valentine for Valentine’s Day. The chocolate is in the shape of your what?

Obviously my pussy. Jack loves to eat me, and I love to be eaten.

Bonus:

You can make your own valentine heart candy. What is your message? (Go to this link. Create your candy. Post the generated Valentine candy on your blog).

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Minnie Mouse Monday

2012-02-13T00:05:00.000-08:00

Because it's not always about sex with us.

-Jill

Sunday Scoreboard: Week 2

2012-02-12T20:56:00.000-08:00

If you're looking for our Sinful Sunday, it can be found here.

We didn't expect to top Week 1, and just for the purposes of full disclosure we most certainly did not. So if you're hoping to read that we had sex while skydiving or something, maybe we'll be able to report that next week. Still, Week 2 was a lot of fun, and we hope you enjoy reading about it as much as we enjoyed making it happen.

Sunday, February 5

Today was Super Bowl Sunday, and we made a very public bet (on Twitter) that if the Patriots won, Jack got to fuck me, but if the Giants won, Jack got to fuck me. These are the kinds of bets we like. When the Giants won the game, that was our cue to retreat to our bedroom, where Jack fisted me atop our Liberator Throe. When Jack fists me he makes almost constant contact with my G-spot, which leads to the most intense orgasms. I came so many times that I lost count, which is why we've decided to forego the ongoing orgasm tally we shared last week. The way I have orgasms, it would be impossible to keep a running total. Fisting is also incredibly intimate. I find that my connection to Jack is somehow more emotional when we are this close, even moreso in some ways than when we are having intercourse. Beyond the intense feelings that come from being fisted and having my G-spot stimulated, I am sometimes overwhelmed by feelings of love.

I'd been eager to taste Jack's orgasm all day, so once I'd started to come down from my high, we had sex in the missionary position. We like missionary a lot more than one might expect. Sometimes we really need the face-to-face intimacy and the ability to kiss that missionary provides. This particular instance was no different, as after the fisting it was nice to be able to sustain that close feeling I had enjoyed. While he fucked me, Jack fingered my clit. It didn't take me very long to cum again, and when I did my vaginal contractions triggered his own orgasm. Between moans of pleasure I summoned him up to my mouth, and swallowed deeply as we climaxed together.

Monday, February 6

We didn't have sex today. Well, let me clarify: We didn't have sex together. I had two orgasms, though, both by myself. I started out by masturbating in the shower. The showerhead was too forceful, especially considering how tender my pussy was from the night before. So I used a waterproof toy and had a very satisfying orgasm. Monday night was pretty hectic, between our daughter having a touch of illness and a handful of non-sexy things that had to be dealt with, and Jack stayed up working while I had another solo orgasm right before bed.

Tuesday, February 7

Even though my pussy was no longer tender, I got off with my toy again, rather than the showerhead. It took me longer to climax, and I ran late for work, but I had a great day at least in part because of my orgasm. I even had a nice little fantasy about a fellow blogger I flirted with the day before. Sometimes the showerhead gets me off so quickly that I just don't have the time to fantasize. After I left, Jack got the baby up, dressed, and fed, and left her watching a little TV while he got off looking at sexy blogs and #tittytuesday pictures on Twitter. He came again later that afternoon while the baby napped as well. I know that it's uncommon for Jack to masturbate more than once in a single day, and I'm always glad when he finds the time. I'm gladder still when he texts me to tell me what he's doing, or better yet, sends me a picture.

After the baby had gone to sleep, we started fooling around on the couch in the living room. One of our daughter's weird electronic toys kept making noise, so we moved into the bedroom where there are far fewer distractions. Jack fingered my pussy while going down on me, and I came several times (one huge one, and then a few aftershocks). I was totally relaxed and satisfied, so it was Jack's turn. I bent over the bed and he fucked me from behind, and then we climbed up on the bed to continue with doggy style. I wanted Jack to cum on me, so we transitioned into missionary, and when he came he hopped up to his feet, stood over me, and stroked himself to completion. Needless to say, a shower followed.

Later that night while I slept, Jack lay beside me and got himself off one more time. I'm a pretty sound sleeper, especially when I'm exhausted, as I was on Tuesday. In fact, the only reason I know he did this is that I found a picture of him doing it when I woke on Wednesday morning.

Wednesday, February 8

I was off work today, so my morning was much more leisurely than it usually is, despite the fact that the baby was up really early. I didn't get off in the shower. Instead, Jack and I had sex out on our balcony while the baby played and read books in her room. We had almost ninety minutes to ourselves, so we started with Jack fingering me and then fucking me up against the balcony wall. (It's more of a deck, I guess. There isn't a railing or anything. I'm honestly not sure what to call it.) After I came I gave Jack head, but stopped before he came and he fucked me. When he came he pulled out and I stroked his cock up against my tits. So hot!

That afternoon the baby took a four-hour nap. We enjoyed a nice, long repeat of the morning. We didn't do anything out of the ordinary (by our standards, anyway). No fisting, no anal, no bondage, no camming. We simply had sex, both of us mentioning at least once or twice how wonderful it is to have a child who cooperates when her Mommy and Daddy want to have sex. It reminded us of last July when, despite a busy travel schedule, we managed to have sex at least once a day, sometimes twice, when the baby slept. In the end, Jack left me covered in sweat and dripping with cum. To top it off, we managed a much-needed nap as well.

Thursday, February 9

I started my day with another shower orgasm, this one with the showerhead. Jack had two orgasms, both during the baby's nap. We were occupied with non-sexual things during the evening, and it wasn't until around one AM that we actually had sex. It was more or less a quickie, but we both came. I had three orgasms from a combination of fingering, oral, and my Erosicillator. Jack fucked me doggy style, and came in my mouth.

Friday, February 10

We both got off in the shower this morning, albeit an hour or so apart. Although we were heading out of town to visit Jack's aunt and uncle, we managed a quickie as soon as I got home from work. Unfortunately, the baby woke shortly after I walked in, and we put her in her playpen with some toys and books within reach, and cartoons on the television. I'd given Jack a suggestion of what I wanted to do ("I'm going to get off while sucking your cock, then you're going to explode down my throat"), and he didn't object. I used my Eroscillator, and I came shortly before Jack did. When we were finished we took a shower, and I noticed that I'd left a pretty big hickey on Jack's neck. We ended up leaving about an hour and fifteen minutes later than we initially planned, but neither of us was complaining.

At Jack's aunt and uncle's house, we slept in the guest room. Typical of Jack, he packed our Liberator Throe and a couple of my toys just for an overnight visit. Once the baby had fallen asleep on the bed, we decided to have sex on the guest room floor, atop the Throe. Jack gave me head for about forty minutes. I'm not sure why it took me so long to cum, as I was really turned on. But the buildup was intense and when I finally got off I thought I was going to explode. Then Jack fucked me missionary, really rough, and when he came I took him in my mouth, swallowed, and licked and sucked him clean. Since he was still hard he fucked me again. When he came the second time, I took him in my mouth again and repeated the process. After his third orgasm I got the feeling that he was tired, and as his cock slowly went limp we went to sleep.

Saturday, February 11

There was a family function today, so Jack's parents came down to his aunt and uncle's house as well. We all spent the day together. The only sex that occurred was a quickie that Jack and I attempted to have in the guest room late Saturday afternoon while his parents, aunt, and uncle looked after the baby. Then Jack's mom knocked on the guest room door and said they were leaving. That totally threw off our rhythm. We left soon after, and after stopping for dinner and a long car ride home, we were both way too tired for anything beyond cuddling and making out. I think we fell asleep mid-makeout.

Don't despair, though! We have it on good authority that Week 3 starts with a bang.

Sinful Sunday: Underneath the Covers

2012-02-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

We never have sex under the covers. Actually, I'm not sure if that's true. We've probably had sex under the covers, but it happens so seldom that we can probably say "never" and be guilty only of a slight exaggeration. Actually, we've never really understood the practice of burying oneself under bedsheets and blankets in order to have sex. It seems far too constrictive, it completely hampers our ability to see each other, and if it's cold, chances are we're generating enough body heat to forego the covers anyway.

This is not Jill in her ghost costume from last Halloween, but rather our interpretation of this week's Sinful Sunday theme, "Underneath". Actually, our interpretation lies - where else? - underneath the image below. Click and see!

(Click)

This is a competition entry.

The Mystery of The Inexplicably Popular Post, Solved at Last

2012-02-11T01:20:00.000-08:00

In late October, I came across a survey on a blog called Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule. Appropriate for the time of year, the survey concerned horror films, and as I am a fan of this particular cinematic genre I thought it worth completing and posting to the blog despite the fact that said survey had nothing to do with sex. As I pointed out at the time, it wasn't like every single thing we've ever posted concerned sex anyway.

I spent a few days working on the survey, thinking about and carefully wording each of my answers. Hey, I take my fandom seriously. I wouldn't go so far as to say that my attention shifted away from sex, but I was determined to put at least as much thought into the thirty questions as I do the typical TMI Tuesday post. Once I'd answered all the questions, formatting the post was quite labor-intensive, featuring movie posters and embedded YouTube trailers. It was the first post I wrote in the new Blogger interface, as the old interface made uploading and properly placing image files a bit problematic.

As I published the post, I knew that it was unlikely to get much in the way of comments, or even page views; after all, people come to our blog to read sexy stories and see pictures of naked people (mostly Jill). They don't visit in the hopes of learning my opinion of The Human Centipede. In fact, my opening comments include the following:

If you don't happen to fancy horror as a cinematic genre, I won't take it personal if you decide to skip this entry. If you do - or if you're willing to go along for the ride - you might get an idea as to what, beyond sexy naked women, makes me tick.

With that, I released into the ether a whimsical but introspective series of my thoughts on all things horror and Sci-Fi, from Boris Karloff to Wes Craven. I'm happy with how the post turned out, and occasionally re-read it for the purposes of marveling at my own writing. (What? I can't be the only blogger who does this.) Rather than posting my answers in the comment section at Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule, as requested by the survey's author, I instead posted a link to our own blog. I did this in part to generate a little traffic, but more than that I knew that my answers would never fit into a single comment (Blogger limits comments to 4,096 characters), and I had no desire to break my answers up into several.

It was probably December when I noticed that the post in question - which as of this writing still has but a single comment from an apparent one-time visitor - had more views than the average post. At the time, only a handful of posts, some of which were years old, had gotten more than a hundred views. The survey had crossed that threshold in, I'm guessing, just a few weeks. By the end of December, it surpassed our erotic story To Yummy on Her Birthday, which was until then our most-viewed post.

As the survey crossed 500 page views, and then 600, it occurred to me that something was amiss. How could this non-sexual post soar past erotic stories, TMI Tuesdays and HNTs to become the most-viewed item we've ever blogged? The only thing that made any sense whatsoever was that visitors were being directed to our blog en masse by some online horror authority. Perhaps a contributor to some prominent horror film discussion website had stumbled upon our post and extolled the awesomeness of it to the internet horror fan community at large. That would certainly explain the sudden spike in page views.

Unfortunately the stats feature on Blogger seemed to say otherwise. While we don't have Google Analytics set up on our blog, the stats feature lists traffic sources that lead visitors to one's blog. In other words, if someone follows a link from a particular domain to our blog, said domain will be included in the traffic sources. There didn't seem to be anything unusual about these sources; listed were the usual sites, from Google to Twitter's proprietary t.co domain to other blogs. Had a significant amount of this traffic come from some manner of horror website, certainly the listed traffic sources would be skewed to reflect this fact.

Out of ideas, I returned to the original post at Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule. I read the comments in the hopes that a clue could be found, that perhaps some fellow commenter, or even the blog's author, had touted the excellence of my answers and had not only insisted that everyone view them immediately, but also swore to publish the link on every blog and internet forum he or she possibly could.

Turns out this was not the case; there were no references to my brilliant post anywhere in the comments. It seemed I was back to square one, literally out of ideas and more intrigued than ever as to how this post was nearing a thousand views. It currently stands at more than eleven-hundred, ironic considering the decidedly unsexy nature of the subject matter.

It was while looking at our search keywords - another Blogger stats feature enabling a blog owner to find out what terms, when plugged into a search engine, have driven visitors to his or her blog - that I finally discovered what led to this particular post's apparent explosion in popularity.

Sorry about the crap picture. Just know that there's a lot of Jennifer Connelly ass-to-ass in our search terms

According to the stats feature, six of the top ten search terms for our blog over the past month have in some way involved Jennifer Connelly and the 2001 Darren Aronofsky film Requiem For a Dream. If you've seen the film, you know that it features a scene in which Connelly and another woman share a double ended dildo.

Question #22 of the survey asked for a film that is "technically outside the horror genre" but which one "might still feel comfortable describing as a horror film". I chose Requiem For a Dream, and described it thusly:

The film deals with addiction, obsession and insanity, and features some of the most unsettling subject matter and downright horrific imagery I've ever seen in a non-horror film. The prospect of watching Jennifer Connelly - Cliff Secord's Jenny! - go ass-to-ass with another comely heroin addict may sound alluring, but the film is grueling and leaves the viewer in need of detox afterwards.

I even included a picture of the scene in question.

I'm the first to admit that I don't have a clue how search engines work. Were someone to search for something as relatively vague as "requiem for a dream jennifer connelly" (an actual search term as seen in the picture, above), I'm guessing he or she would find pages upon pages of more relevant search results including but not limited to the film's IMDb and Wikipedia listings, as well as a host of porn sites trying to lure desperate and gullible pervs with the promise of non-existent deleted scenes in which Connelly and her shorter-haired playmate are DPed by hung black studs before taking facials from all the spectators.

In fact, when I type this exact term into Yahoo!, I get 7,800,000 results. Our blog doesn't turn up in the first three pages of results, and I know that if I was horny and for whatever reason looking to get off to the scene in question, I would have found multiple YouTube links in the first page alone. Actually, if I was horny and looking to get off to the scene in question, I probably wouldn't. I would instead go to some random streaming porn site, type "double ended dildo" into the search box, and undoubtedly have a better time watching a longer scene that is likely better-lit and intended to titillate.

It seems that as one mystery is solved, another arises: How do people searching for "requiem for a dream jennifer connelly" find our blog? Hell, another current search term of ours is "penis", and I know damn well that a search for this common word would return a zillion sites that aren't our blog. I guess it's best to just let that one go.

Before I go, however, in the interest of testing a hypothesis, I'm going to list a few potential search keywords: Jennifer Connelly, Requiem for a Dream, double ended dildo, ass to ass, sex, Scarlet Johansson lesbian scene, fisting, cumshot, facial, Anne Hathaway and Jessica Biel sixty-nine, Sarah Palin bukkake whore. There! That should do it.

I'll check back in a couple weeks and see if we have a new most-viewed post.

-Jack

P.S. The original post can be found here.

Formspring Friday: No Fucking Way

2012-02-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

Is there anything that you won't do sexually? Other than kids and animals...at least I'm hoping that's part of your answer! But I'm looking for something that's more mainstream that you won't do. And why?

First off, we would like to state emphatically that neither of us is interested in kids or animals, even on a fantasy level. Both are unable to consent to sex, and it is for this reason that, even if we didn't find the thought of fucking either a child or an animal absolutely repellent, we would still abstain from doing so.

Beyond these two activities, there are only a few things within the sexual realm that we have absolutely ruled out doing. Since none of these things are illegal or otherwise involve absence of consent, we don't judge anyone who enjoys these things in the slightest. They're just not for us.

None of these things are particularly mainstream, however. We actually can't think of much in the way of so-called mainstream sex that we would absolutely never try, or at the very least consider. Fisting? Of course. Group sex? Absolutely. Anal? Definitely. Exhibitionism/Voyeurism? Two of our absolute favorite things ever.

The first two things that immediately came to mind when we read the question are watersports and coprophilia. As parents, we would seem awfully hypocritical if we made a face everytime we changed a diaper - hey, we're only human - but then incorporated pee and poop into our bedroom activities.

Two other things that we're pretty sure we'll never try are breath play and electrostimulation. Regarding the former, we've both experienced near drownings, and are far too conscious of our airways. The thought of elective electrocution doesn't appeal either; in both cases, the risks of these activities far outweigh the perceived benefits; in other words, if either of these things were something we just had to try, we might take the risk. As they're not, we won't.

There are other things that we aren't against the idea of trying but for one reason or another we'll probably never around to. Both anal fisting and double penetration (anal and vaginal as opposed to vaginal and oral) seem unlikely due to the logistics and mechanics involved. Also, things like Jill-to-Jack pegging and Jack having sex with a guy will probably never happen, as they don't turn Jill on in the least. This is fortunate as Jack isn't particularly interested in making either one of these happen anyway.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog. We like sexy questions!

Flash Fiction Friday: Party Levitation

2012-02-10T00:05:00.000-08:00

(Source image: "Offering" by Valery Bareta)

As he took her in his muscular arms, she remembered that silly game she played as a child.

She lay motionless on the floor as her friends tried to lift her. “Light as a feather, stiff as a board”, they chanted. These words sounded over and over in her head until, finally, she felt her body rising from the ground.

“Light as a feather, stiff as a board.”

She knew it was just mind over matter. Somehow the chanting made her eight-year-old body seem weightless.

Now, ensconced in her lover’s protective grasp, she truly felt as light as a feather. As he lay her down on the bed, though, she found it was he who was as stiff as a board. (121)

-Jack

Behind the Scenes:

This was one of the easiest Flash Fiction Friday stories I've ever written. The idea came to me the instant I saw the prompt photo and the required phrase ("light as a feather"), and I knew more or less how I would structure the story right off the bat. There was very little elaboration or character development, allowing for a smoothly-flowing narrative.

If you are unfamiliar with the party game referred to in the story, it's known as "Light as a feather, stiff as a board", though Wikipedia lists "party levitation" as an alternate name. As I've never attended a girls' slumber party, the entirety of my knowledge of this activity comes from an episode of South Park. Upon reading the required phrase I decided to do a little research - as any good writer does - and found a few details that fit as well.

Deleted Scenes:

There wasn't anything that had to be cut in order to fit the 123-word limit. Again, the story is more or less as I planned it to be from the beginning. In fact, I was very surprised that I was as close to the limit as I ended up being; I honestly expected to bring this story in at around eighty or ninety words.

The relative sparseness of this story is demonstrated by the presence of the almost-totally superfluous italicized "Light as a feather, stiff as a board" near the end of the story. Most of my Flash Fiction Friday efforts are so densely-worded that such a line would be the first thing cut when I'm trying to edit down the story.

Soundtrack:

"In My Girlish Days" by Memphis Minnie seems appropriate for a woman reflecting on her childhood, while still providing a substantial bluesy sound that would play well against a scene of sensuality.

If you'd like to take part in the fun, or see who else participated this week, check out Erotic Flash Fiction Friday.

The Naughty Hangout: Best Friends in Love

2012-02-09T00:09:00.000-08:00

This week, the primary theme at The Naughty Hangout was "Love". One of the secondary themes was "Best Friend". After taking our picture for the primary theme, we were pleased to see that it also fit the secondary theme. Hence, the title of this post.

Yes, we are just as much in love as this sickeningly-sweet picture suggests.

Head over to The Naughty Hangout and see who else participated this week!

-Jill

Retro HNT: Waiting

2012-02-08T12:05:00.000-08:00

If you're looking for our Wanton Wednesday, it can be found here.

"Waiting", posted March 11, 2010

Roaming

2012-02-08T02:14:00.000-08:00

It's midafternoon. The baby is asleep and the house is quiet. I lounge on the sofa, my phone held in place between my shoulder and my neck.

"What are you wearing?" I ask as one hand slips into my pants. That's how horny I am: I don't even have time to open my jeans.

"You know," you say. "Just a skirt and a top. Nothing too sexy."

"I know it looks hot on you, though." My hand kneads my growing erection, an erection brought about by thoughts of your soft, shapely legs below your skirt. I imagine sliding my hand along your thigh, feeling your heat as I caress my way up your flesh. I imagine finding your panties and moving them aside in order to finger you. Or perhaps I find that you're not wearing panties. Even better.

You give a quiet giggle. "Yeah, I guess so." There's a pause before you continue. "How about you? What are you wearing?" You seem disappointed to learn that I'm actually wearing pants.

I pull my hand out and begin to unbuckle my belt. In seconds my pants are down and my cock standing upright and hungry for stimulation. I stroke it from the base up to the tip, each movement of my hand sending an erotic jolt to my brain.

"Are you..." You seem to be searching for the right word.

"Jerking off?" I ask.

"I was going to ask if you were playing," you say. "But yeah, are you?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you are."

I sit in silence for a moment, my erection all but devoured by the rapid up-and-down movements of of my hand. You can hear the sound of my breathing, slow and intense. Your own breathing sounds similar to mine.

"Are you playing?" I ask.

"Yeah," you say, and then resume heavy breathing.

"Tell me what you want to do with my cock."

"I want it inside me." That's exciting, but it isn't exactly what I wanted to hear.

I press you onward: "What else?" My strokes are even faster now. "What else do you want to do with it?"

"I want to suck it," you say, almost breathlessly. This is what I was hoping for. "I want it all the way down my throat. I want to take it so deep that you just explode for me."

"You want my cum?" I ask.

"Oh yeah, baby. Give it to me." I'm not actually close yet, but if you keep it up I will be. You continue for effect: "I need your cum."

I stroke faster, driving myself closer and closer to climax. Then I hear a key in the door. "Jill's here."

"Tell her hi for me." I turn my head to see her stripping naked in the doorway. I relay the message. She says hi back, then climbs up on the couch and straddles my waist, taking me deep inside her.

"Do you have to go?" you ask.

"No. But I think I'd better put you on speaker."

-Jack

TMI Tuesday: February 7, 2012 - Let's Go to Bed

2012-02-07T00:05:00.000-08:00

TMI Tuesday this week was submitted by My Undercover Metamorphosis. Thank you! Show her some love, stop by her blog and say hello.

Jack's Answers

1. A friend is coming to have sex. There are 3 twin beds and an air mattress in the room. What do you do? (choose one)

a. Have sex where ever we land first, who needs a bed?
b. Have sex on a single twin mattress
c. Have sex on an air mattress
d. Or? (tell us your solution)
Though I certainly have no problem having sex on a couch or even the floor, I would probably go with b, have sex on a single twin mattress. If it was a sleeping-over friend (as opposed to a fuck-and-run friend), we'd push the other two twin beds together and sleep on them afterwards. I've always had trouble having sex on an air mattress as I expect our vigorous movements to cause an air leak. And while that would certainly be the best possible circumstances in which to damage an air mattress, those things can be kind of expensive.

2. What is the oddest thing you have in your bedroom that someone would be surprised to find. Why is it there?
At the moment? My daughter. That's not to say that my daughter is odd (or that she's a thing), just that she has her own bed and should be sleeping there. But it's sometimes difficult to put her down for a nap in her own room - too many distractions - and frankly who wants to bend that far? It's easier for me to just put her down on our bed. As for things that are always in our bedroom, maybe our sex library? It's not really odd, I suppose; if you're going to have a bookcase full of erotica and such, the bedroom is probably the most appropriate location for it. But I'm sure there are people we know who, if they saw it, might find it it odd or inappropriate. That should demonstrate the lengths we go to in order to conceal our pervy sides from our family and vanilla friends, and it should also explain why we keep our bedroom door shut when certain people visit.

3. What are your favorite sheets?
a. Flannel
b. Cotton
c. T-shirt cotton (jersey)
d. Satin
I like cotton sheets in the summer, and flannel in the winter. Of the two, I don't have any clear-cut across-the-board preference. It just depends on whether I am warm or cold.

4. Do you sleep with sheets tucked in or out? Why?
Untucked, please. I'm not a fan of being locked into one position for my entire eight (well, these days more like four) hours' sleep. Though I sleep restfully and wouldn't classify my sleep patterns as tossing and turning, I tend to move around a bit while asleep. This actually brought to mind a scene from an episode of Seinfeld. I'd embed it below, but none of the Youtube clips allow embedding, so you'll have to click the link if you want to see.

5. What is your usual bedtime? Why?

a. 8-10 pm
b. 10-12 midnight
c. 12-24
d. Whenever my eyes won’t stay open any longer.
The logical answer is d, whenever my eyes won't stay open any longer. Unfortunately, that's not even true. I often stay up past the point of coherence. With our recent move, my late retirement was due in part to unpacking, as well as the necessary decompression once the unpacking was done for the day. Sometimes I'm working on the blog, perhaps editing and formatting a post or even just writing something for another day. Sometimes I'm reading other blogs. Sometimes I'm doing my own non-blog writing. Whatever the case, as Cougar in Training will undoubtedly attest, if I get to bed before three AM, it's a miracle.

5. Do you sleep with closet door(s) shut or open? Bedroom door shut or open? Any particular reason why?

Generally speaking, it doesn't matter. I'll take this as proof that I've grown up, but I no longer have the childhood superstition that demanded I - or more likely one of my parents - close my closet door before I went to sleep, lest the werewolves burst out and eat me in the middle of the night. If the bedroom door happens to be shut, we might open it in order to hear our daughter in case she wakes up crying in the middle of the night. But as her bedroom is adjacent to ours it really isn't necessary. The only time that we insist on having a door closed is if my parents happen to be staying with us, as Jill and I usually sleep naked, frequently have sex after turning in for the night, and never want to hear my parents' too-loud conversations over breakfast in the morning while we're trying to sleep in.

6. Have you ever broken a bed or other furniture during sex?
I never have, but one time when we were staying with Jill's brother, we were having sex on their guest bed in the missionary position. When Jill came, she kicked out her leg and sent a lamp flying off the nightstand and crashing to the ground. Somehow, the body of the lamp was not damaged, either by her expert kung-fu kick, or the impact with the floor. However, it didn't work for the duration of our stay. We decided not to mention it.

7. What’s your favorite type of bed for sex?
Ooh! I want to fuck on one of those racecar beds. I bet they don't see much action. Alternately, i.e. if that's way too fucking weird, I'd love to have sex on the Great Bed of Ware, which is, according to Wikipedia, "an extremely large oak four poster bed." Claimed to be the largest bed in the world, it can accommodate more than fifteen people at once. Since Jill's inclusion is a given, I had fun deciding who would make up the other thirteen occupants.

"...And you were there, and you, and you..."

8. What do you sleep in?

a. Lingerie

b. Underwear

c. Day clothes

d. T-shirt

e. Nothing

Whenever possible, e, nothing. I will make an exception if it's really cold, in which case I'll wear sweatpants (though ideally I prefer to use body heat to get warm). Additionally I don't sleep naked if I'm in a group setting, such as when Jill and I might share a hotel room with family, or if I'm spending the night in county; in the case of the former, I will probably wear the aforementioned sweatpants or shorts, possibly with a T-shirt. In the case of the latter, I will wear whatever I wore when I was booked, and I will spend the night grumbling loudly that no one came to pay my bail.

Jill's Answers

1. A friend is coming to have sex. There are 3 twin beds and an air mattress in the room. What do you do? (choose one)

a. Have sex where ever we land first, who needs a bed?

b. Have sex on a single twin mattress

c. Have sex on an air mattress

d. Or? (tell us your solution)

I would go with d: Push all three twin mattresses together, and invite several other people to share them with us.

2. What is the oddest thing you have in your bedroom that someone would be surprised to find. Why is it there?

A ballet bar. It's in our bedroom because it doesn't fit anyplace else.

3. What are your favorite sheets?

a. Flannel

b. Cotton

c. T-shirt cotton (jersey)

d. Satin

Definitely flannel in the winter. They keep me cozy and warm. When it's warmer I prefer cotton sheets.

4. Do you sleep with sheets tucked in or out? Why?

They've got to be out. Having my sheets tucked in makes me feel claustrophobic. They can't even be tucked in just at the foot of the bed. As soon as I check into a hotel, I always untuck the sheets.

5. What is your usual bedtime? Why?

a. 8-10 pm

b. 10-12 midnight

c. 12-24

d. Whenever my eyes won’t stay open any longer.

I usually take a nap sometime between eight and ten when I'm putting the baby to bed, although there have been times when that nap spills over until twelve. However, my usual bedtime is around midnight, as I'm up again at 4:30 am in order to work out. Of course, if Jack and I have sex, I get to sleep whenever it's finished, which could be as late as two o'clock.

5. Do you sleep with closet door(s) shut or open? Bedroom door shut or open? Any particular reason why?

No. My closet doors don't have to be one way or the other. If I've been getting clothes out or putting clothes in and I've left the closet doors open, they stay open. Our bedroom door is frequently open so that we can hear the baby if she wakes up. But if Jack's parents are visiting we keep the bedroom door shut.

6. Have you ever broken a bed or other furniture during sex?

When I lived in an apartment, I had a futon. My boyfriend and I were having a very energetic and rambunctious time. One of the legs broke and the futon collapsed with him on top of me. We were able to reassemble it, but it was very precarious, and it wouldn't stay up very well. If I was fucking on it or even just sleeping, chances are that thing was coming down again. Everytime it did, it just made me laugh as I remembered what caused it to break.

7. What’s your favorite type of bed for sex?

Any bed with sexy people in it.

8. What do you sleep in?

a. Lingerie

b. Underwear

c. Day clothes

d. T-shirt

e. Nothing

Most of the time it's nothing. If I'm really cold, I might put on a shirt. Even when Jack's parents are staying with us, I still prefer to sleep naked, and just keep my clothes nearby in case I need to go check on the baby.

Magnified Monday

2012-02-06T00:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish I had bigger boobs.

-Jill

Sunday Scoreboard: Week 1

2012-02-05T17:38:00.000-08:00

If you're looking for our Sinful Sunday, it can be found here.

We originally conceived this feature in late September, after we'd had a particularly busy week sexually and wanted to share it with our followers. However, we eventually decided not to. We didn't want to seem boastful, especially to our blogging friends who might be enjoying less-active sex lives. We questioned whether we could successfully keep track of all the sex we managed to have in any given week without turning the sex itself into something dry and analytical. We questioned whether we could make such a regular feature engaging and exciting to read. And we ultimately began participating in Sunday Stealing instead.

Now that our participation in Sunday Stealing seems to be a thing of the past (and because we have a lot to write about this week) we have decided to dust off the concept and give it a shot. We do this with the understanding that not every week will be as eventful as this last one was, but also with the hope that our obligation to recap each week's sexual roundup motivates us to ensure a memorable post each Sunday.

Sunday, January 29

A busy morning and an active baby precluded any fun until the afternoon. Jack went out, and the baby napped, so I took a bubble bath and masturbated while reading sexy blogs and looking at friends' hot pictures. I keep a waterproof toy in the little shower caddy where we store our shampoo, body wash and other stuff, but I wasn't in any particular hurry so I used my fingers.

That night, after the baby had gone to bed, we took our weekly Monday picture. This week, the picture was entitled "Masturbation Monday", which afforded me a couple orgasms. We began taking shots in the entryway of our house, and although neither of us was happy with the end results, I still got to cum using my Rabbit. If that wasn't good enough, we continued with the photo shoot in our bedroom where I got off again. This time we got a halfways decent picture.

To thank Jack for being such a good photographer, I gave him a blowjob out on our balcony. We've really enjoyed having a more or less private balcony on which to engage in sexual hijinks, and despite the chilly weather we've managed to have some fun. I don't know whether or not the exhibitionism aspect or maybe even the cool air has anything to do with it, but Jack cums even quicker than usual when I give him head outside. And apparently, if this orgasm is any indication, he cums even more intensely than usual.

When we came back into our bedroom, we needed to warm up so we had some sex. We started with doggy style, which is a favorite position for both of us, and then switched to missionary where Jack fingered me to a dripping-wet and very intense orgasm. When he came I took him in my mouth. He collapsed beside me on the bed and we lay in silence, only then realizing that we'd left the door to the balcony open. The breeze was nice.

Orgasms for Jill: 4 (three from masturbation; one from sex/fingering)

Orgasms for Jack: 2 (one from oral, one from sex)

Monday, January 30

After working out in the morning, I left myself just enough time to get off in the shower. I started with my fingers but between the fact that I was standing up (not my usual position for getting off) and the fact that I masturbate with a toy more often than I do with my fingers, I knew it would probably take me more time than I had. I used my waterproof toy. Worked like a charm!

Jack and I tweeted back and forth during the day, and I told him that I wanted him to pull my hair while fucking me doggy style. Jack rose, both literally and figuratively, to the challenge, and as soon as I walked in he stripped me naked and fucked me on the dining room floor, complete with hair-pulling. We came almost simultaneously, Jack collapsing against my back as he filled me up. It was such a rush for both of us because he rarely cums inside me.

We planned to have a second round Monday night after the baby was asleep, but as I sometimes do, I fell asleep while putting her to bed. Jack took care of himself.

Orgasms for Jill: 2 (one from masturbation, one from sex)

Orgasms for Jack: 2 (one from sex, one from masturbation)

Tuesday, January 31

As I try to do most weekday mornings, I got off in the shower again. I used my waterproof toy, which provided a quick orgasm and ensured that I wasn't late for work. However, once I was at work I began feeling very sick, and I was back home by 9:15. This made both Jack and I sad, as we were pretty sure my condition killed the possibility of any sex. I spent much of the day napping, and Jack kept the baby occupied.

That night, Jack needed to run a few errands. By this time I was feeling a little better, and I took a nap with the baby. When Jack got home he found the two of us sleeping and rather than waking me he edged for an hour or so. (If you don't know what "edging" is, it refers to maintaining a high level of sexual arousal without having an orgasm.) When I woke up, I was ready for sex, and needless to say Jack was eager to cum.

Jack started off by fingering and then eating my pussy. He made me cum three times, one after the other, and by the time I came down from the high I needed him inside me. We did doggy style with me bent over the bed, and when he came he pulled out and I stroked his cock up against my tits. I tried licking them clean, but either my tongue is too short or my tits are too small, because I can never reach them.

Orgasms for Jill: 4 (one from masturbation, three from oral/fingering)

Orgasms for Jack: 1 (one from sex)

Wednesday, February 1

While in the shower this morning, I remembered that we have an adjustible handheld showerhead and I used that to get off. I barely had time to fantasize about anything before I climaxed. It took me five minutes at the most, and even standing up, my orgasm was so intense that I needed to slowly sit myself down on the shower floor in order to recover.

As I was leaving work, Jack texted me a picture of his cock. The baby was napping, and while I knew that he needed to get off in order to decompress, I told him to stay hard because I was on the way home and I wanted to suck his cock. He managed to edge for the entire forty minutes it took me to get home (while watching porn, no less), and when I arrived I gave him a blowjob. His orgasm was so intense that I thought I wasn't going to be able to swallow all of his cum.

Wednesday night was pretty busy, and when we got in from some errands, we both opted for sleep. What can I say? We're only human.

Orgasms for Jill: 1 (one from masturbation)

Orgasms for Jack: 1 (one from oral)

Thursday, February 2

I decided to shower in the hall bathroom, which also has a handheld showerhead. I was hoping to compare the showerheads in both bathrooms. While the Delta-brand showerhead in the hall bathroom did the trick, there's a reason why it's in the hall bathroom and the Moen showerhead is in ours. Still, it made for a nice start to my day.

I asked my sister to watch the baby Thursday evening, and after dropping her off around 5:30, Jack and I had four and a half hours to play and fuck with reckless abandon. We haven't had that kind of alone time in a long while. We don't really like pawning off our baby, as if we wanted to constantly pass her off to babysitters we wouldn't have had her in the first place. But it was an exhilarating evening, and we might need to do this a bit more often.

Our activities were confined mostly to our bed, which is hardly a negative. We enjoy sex in a lot of different places, but you really can't beat a bed for comfort and overall convenience. We had sex in various positions including both cowgirl and reverse cowgirl, and even sixty-nined, which is something that we rarely do. Call me crazy, but if I'm getting head, I want to be able to concentrate on my pleasure and not have to suck Jack's cock while it's happening. But it was pretty exciting to feel Jack's cock deep in my throat while enjoying his tongue on my clit.

Jack climaxed seven times, which might be a record for him. One of those was from oral sex, one from a handjob, two from missionary position, two from doggy style, and one by his own hand. I'm sure I came more than twenty times, most of which were from oral sex and fingering. When I have multiple orgasms in rapid succession as I did Thursday night, they eventually start to run together, making it difficult if not impossible to keep track of them.

I picked up the baby from my sister's around ten o'clock and returned home. As the baby was sleeping, we were able to resume more or less where we had left off. As it was late and we were tired, we didn't play for very long, but I did have another orgasm. Greedy Jack got two! Later Jack said that if we had a few hours to ourselves on Sunday evenings, Mondays would be a lot easier for me. I think he's right!

Orgasms for Jill: Undetermined

Orgasms for Jack: 9 (two from oral, one from a handjob, five from sex, one from masturbation)

Friday, February 3

The baby woke from her nap about ten minutes before I got home. Jack apologized for his bad timing, but she had been up early and I knew she was going to nap earlier than usual. It was just as well, as I had quite a bit that I needed to do on Friday afternoon. That evening after the baby was asleep for the night, we went out on the deck for some doggy style. I love having sex while leaning against a balcony, as the thrill of imagining an appreciative audience below always turns me on. It was cold, so the doggy style didn't last very long. Instead, I gave Jack head. I love tasting my pussy on him, and it got me so hot that I had to finger myself a little while I was sucking him.

Jack came before I could, so I suggested we go back inside and get warm. This time we remembered to close the outside door. Jack leaned me against the bed and ate my pussy from behind while I used my Eroscillator on my clit. He did such a good job that I put it away and he continued eating me. I had four orgasms, and squirted all over his chest and his face. We took a shower, and by the time we got out it was probably too late for more doggy style, which we really wanted. Neither of us was complaining.

Orgasms for Jill: 4 (four from oral and masturbation)

Orgasms for Jack: 1 (one from oral)

Saturday, February 4

Although before we had a baby we looked forward to our weekends as they provided us hours and hours of unrestrained sexuality. Since having a baby, it seems like we really need our weekends to relax and do as little as possible. Saturday was hectic due to errands and family obligations, and a very long night meant there wasn't a lot of sex happening.

When we got home after spending most of Saturday out of the house, we took some pictures for our Sinful Sunday post. We began with doggy style for about ten minutes or so. The angle let Jack's cock stroke my G-spot delightfully. We both came, though when we took a look at the pictures, we found that none were exactly what we we wanted. That's what we get for being better at fucking than we are at photography.

Jack adjusted the angle of the camera on the tripod and we continued in the missionary position. This time the angle was better, and we got some usable shots, one of which you may have seen. We also managed another two orgasms for me (both from fingering in conjunction with the sex), and one more for Jack, which I swallowed.

Orgasms for Jill: 3 (one from sex, two from sex and fingering)

Orgasms for Jack: 2 (two from sex)

Total:

Orgasms for Jill: 39-plus

Orgasms for Jack: 18

Since this is a new feature here at our blog, we'd really love to get your thoughts. Did you enjoy reading this, or do we come off as boastful here? Let us know! Your feedback (or lack thereof) could make or break this feature.

Sinful Sunday: Reflected Desire

2012-02-05T01:37:00.002-08:00

I lie on the cold tile floor, imagining that you are with me. Imagining your body pressing against mine. Imagining your lips on my own. Imagining your swelling hardness in my sex. Maybe if I imagine long enough, I can will it to be so.

(Click!)

The State of Our Blog

2012-02-04T12:54:00.000-08:00

It has occurred to both Jill and I that we are stuck in something of a rut here at our blog. What began as an anything-goes public forum to discuss sexual issues and talk about our experiences and goals has turned into something of a structured paint-by-numbers picture. We participate in at least one meme or other weekly feature six days out of the week, with Saturday our only day primarily for free-form blogging. On Sundays we do Sinful Sunday and Sunday Stealing. On Mondays we have our weekly "M" picture. On Tuesdays we do TMI Tuesday. On Wednesdays we post a Retro HNT picture previously exclusive to The Other HNT, and as of this past week we're also participating in Wank Wednesday/Wanton Wednesday. Thursdays see us posting a picture based on one of themes suggested by The Naughty Hangout. Friday usually brings both a Formspring Friday post and a short Flash Fiction Friday story. This doesn't leave us a lot of time to post quality works of original fiction, or thoughtful dissertations on sexual matters.

To demonstrate my point, we posted a record thirty-seven entries during the month of January. Of these, only five posts were not done as part of one of the aforementioned features. Of those five, the most recent was a sponsored post for Eden Fantasys, which we might not have written and posted of our own volition were we not participants in Eden Fantasys' Sponsored Posts program; and one was a post wherein we were tagged by our friend SassyCat. The remaining three posts are Jill's pieces "Facial Expression" and "Thoughts on New Year's Eve and Social Nudity with Friends", and my own "Jack's Dating Advice, Hookup Tips, and Guy Type Analyses". Only three completely spontaneous posts out of thirty-seven. Pretty sad.

By comparison, of the thirty-one entries we posted in November, thirteen were original non-meme material. We posted a Dirty Haiku, an announcement of our friends Vincent and Mia joining the sexy blogosphere, a diatribe about Formspring, an erotic story about our friend heelsnstocking, a quick post on Thanksgiving Day, a sex toy review, a snippet from an I.M. conversation, a recap of our visit to Power Exchange, the story of a very awkward encounter at a friend's birthday party, a post for Love Our Lurkers 6, my thoughts on how being a stay-at-home Dad has affected my daily masturbation regimen, a tirade against Ashley Madison for body shaming, and a post about a bill in Wisconsin that would strip teachers of their credentials for watching porn. That still translates to eighteen meme posts, but compared to the thirty-two we posted last month, that's pretty damn good.

Why is this, exactly? Why have we sold our souls to the meme demons rather than treating our loyal fans to the sort of thoughtful original content that they have come to expect from us, and which they undoubtedly deserve? The easy answer is that life has kicked our ass the past month and a half. You're undoubtedly aware that we've recently moved; this move inspired a TNH picture entitled "Move-In Madness", as well as a recent "M" picture. We've moved several times in the last couple years alone, but this was probably our most stressful move despite the fact that our current place is less than three miles from our last one. We gave notice at our old place in mid-December, which means that while I was taking sexy Christmas pictures of Jill for your enjoyment, I was simultaneously working out the logistics of moving our furniture and boxes without a truck. The presence of a baby and the absence of many strong backs to help us meant that we spent almost the entirety of January both physically and emotionally exhausted. The fact that we managed to blog as much as we did is, in retrospect, pretty impressive. And for that matter, the fact that we managed to have sex pretty consistently throughout January, to the point that it trumped getting more than a couple hours sleep some nights, is impressive as well. Let's face it; we love blogging, but of the two, sex is the higher priority.

Our blog-reading has suffered as well. We usually endeavor to read as many blogs as we can, commenting whenever we see something that inspires us to chime in. Unfortunately, the downtime that was in the past reserved for reading blogs has of late been used in part for unpacking, putting things where they belong, and - *gasp* - actually sitting and doing nothing. If you're used to getting comments from us and you haven't lately, it isn't personal. We are just now feeling settled, and hope to be back to our normal routine before long. This is also why our fellow Formspring Friday players haven't received any questions from us lately. Sorry about that, all of you.

Where does that leave our blog? Hopefully not doomed to an existence of memes and little else. For starters, we've decided to cease participation in Sunday Stealing. Nothing against Judd Corizan, WTIT, or any of the regular participants, but after more than four months of posting our answers, we got the feeling that it wasn't the right question-and-answer feature for us. We already participate in TMI Tuesday, and have on and off since 2009. Between the marathon-like twenty-five question average, the tendency toward repetition as demonstrated last week, and the fact that it's written by vanilla bloggers for vanilla bloggers - again, no offense meant here - meant that we had to move on. There are only so many times an individual can answer the question of who is his or her celebrity crush, or tell which song makes him or her sad. It was fun being a smart-ass each week, but as we said during our inaugural Sunday Stealing post, we've had an idea for a different ongoing Sunday feature for quite some time, and we're going to try it out tomorrow. If it works out as we are hoping, it will adhere perfectly to the spirit of this blog, and while it will be an ongoing feature it will ideally be an exciting read. Stay tuned.

In conclusion, our biggest fear is in running out of things to blog about. In the past, far too many posts of ours involved us apologizing to hypothetical readers (who probably didn't exist at the time) for disappearing. Over the past five and a half months we've attracted a decent-sized following, and we are determined never to let such a thing happen again. Therefore, our participation in memes, while it may not always inspire spontaneous posting of original content, encourages us to get into a frame of mind that facilitates active blogging. Now that we are finished moving we hope to strike a better balance between community-building memes and the fantasies, stories, and recaps for which this blog was founded.

If you've read this far, here's a reward.

Formspring Friday: Regrettable

2012-02-03T08:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had sex and instantly regretted it?

Jack's Answer:

When I was twenty-two, I got a page (remember pagers?) from an ex who was back in town after moving away shortly after our breakup. She was the last person I wanted to hear from; fortunately there is nothing less confrontational than a pager. The other party can't have any direct contact with you unless you call them back. Of course, I was horny and, knowing that you can't spell "sex" without "ex", I gave her a call. We went out that night, and given that she was at best clingy and at worst emotionally unstable, I was extremely cautious. We made small talk during drinks and dinner: How've you been, how are your parents, have you seen such and such movie yet, etc. There was no discussion of resuming our relationship. We didn't even bring up sex.

After dinner, we returned to my place, where sex did in fact occur. Overall, the experience was enjoyable, providing both an exciting spark and a more comfortable familiarity. Although our dating relationship left much to be desired, physically I had always been in-tune with her. Now, some eighteen months or so after the dissolution of our relationship, there were no emotions or egos to get in the way of what I hoped at the time was simple no-strings-attached sex.

When we were finished, we dozed off and I remember waking to the very unsettling thought of her wanting to begin our relationship anew. It made sense; as stated above, she was a very clingy and emotionally insecure person. I, on the other hand, was over her, and the last thing I wanted was to actually date her again. With my climax not far behind me, I had a moment of clarity. I realized the risk I took, and in fact did briefly regret hooking up with her. At any rate, my fears were unwarranted. When I dropped her back off at her parents' house where she was staying, it became clear that she was no more interested in dating than I was.

Jill's Answer:

No, I don't believe that I've ever regretted any of the sex I've ever had, either instantly or days, months, or years later. Whenever I've had sex, I've always made the conscious decision to do so beforehand, and I generally knew what I was getting into, including any likely risks. Therefore I didn't regret it. It was simply what I wanted at the time.

When I was single I had a few one-night stands. I usually enjoyed the sex, I knew I only wanted the quick, meaningless release, and I got what I wanted from the situation. I always knew that it was only a one-night stand, I didn't feel bad that it wasn't more than that, and I never felt that I was used or somehow taken advantage of by the guy. I'm a strong believer in my own sexual agency. I like to take charge rather than letting things happen and going along for the ride. If I was ever in a situation where I knew it wasn't a good idea to have sex for whatever reason, I made the conscious decision not to.

The closest I've ever come to regretting having sex was with the guy who assfucked me without asking, warning me, or even lubing up. It was physically painful, and shocking because up until that point he was someone I enjoyed being with, and the sex was really good. It was unfortunate that he chose to do something so inconsiderate, but I don't even regret that, as it showed that he was clearly unworthy of me.

Although there have been relationships that I chose to stay in longer than I should have, I don't regret the sex any more than I regret the relationship itself. These situations demonstrated to me what I wanted and didn't want out of the next one. Therefore I feel that each experience I've had, whether sexual, romantic, or otherwise, led me to have the strong commitment that I share with Jack.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog. We like sexy questions!

Flash Fiction Friday: Enhanced

2012-02-03T00:05:00.000-08:00

(Image stolen from Lexi some time ago; artist and title unknown)

She bounced vigorously, her hands in his as he jerked her down to meet every upward thrust. Her stringy black hair flailed as she undulated on him, her moans stifled by the music blasting on the stereo.

She thrashed as she climaxed, mouth frozen open as though screaming. Then she floated off his cock, coming to rest sitting cross-legged in the air above the bed. He looked up in wonder as the walls came to life, drops of paint transforming into balloons that swarmed like hornets.

He remembered the crystalline powder that had earlier gone up his nose, and swore to kick Ketamine. (103)

-Jack

Behind the Scenes:

Owing to a busier schedule than usual, I checked for this week's prompt on Tuesday and didn't get around to writing my story until Thursday evening. Maybe it's the cynic in me, but the first thing that came to mind when I saw the prompt picture was drugs. I'm sure there are many alternative interpretations that do not involve chemical enhancement, and I look forward to seeing what my fellow bloggers come up with; but all I could think of was that this was how one character in the story viewed another, likely while on acid.

The required word this week was "crystalline". As I don't use drugs - well, not illegal ones, anyway - I had to do a little research to find a drug that comes in powedered form, specifically a powder that could be described as crystalline; and that included hallucinations among its short-term effects. Ketamine was the first one I came across that fit the criteria.

It's worth noting that this is the first Flash Fiction Friday prompt I've completed that featured a non-photographic picture.

Deleted Scenes:

As this week's word limit maxed out at 105, there were a few minor details that had to be omitted. Most of these details would have concerned the woman and would have hinted at her being a drug user (or at the least would have suggested her poor physical health). One passage described her "sullen breasts, almost yellow with disrepair". Another would have mentioned her bad skin. Her hair was at one point described as "greasy", but as mention of her ill health was abandoned, I chose to describe it as "stringy" instead. Beyond this, the only other omissions were descriptors and other elaborations that simply did not fit.

Soundtrack:

During the sex scene, I like something fast-paced such as Thin Lizzy's Opium Trail. However, the hallucination sequence suggests something slower, perhaps even dreamy. Just Like Honey, by The Jesus and Mary Train, comes to mind.

If you'd like to take part in the fun, or see who else participated this week, check out Erotic Flash Fiction Friday.

The Naughty Hangout: Laundry Discord

2012-02-02T01:17:00.000-08:00

For the first time in three weeks, our picture for The Naughty Hangout is based on the primary theme for the week, "Nuisance". Few things are more frustrating than getting to the bottom of the laundry basket and finding that the socks you washed have lost their partners. Sometimes, though, you've just got to make the most of it, as I am doing here.

The laundry basket is the only place where we prefer to see blacks and whites segregated.

Head over to The Naughty Hangout and see who else participated this week!

-Jill

Spectacles

2012-02-01T14:51:00.000-08:00

This week we decided to give Wanton Wednesday and Wank Wednesday a try. I hope I did it right. Here goes:

They pulled into the garage, the stylish import cruising past station wagons and minivans until they reached their parking space. He made a wide turn, then slowly backed the car in. He always backed into the parking space, and she suspected that he did so as much to show off as he did for the convenience of being able to pull straight out the next time they drove somewhere.

The smell of sex lingered. During dinner she'd gone to the restroom and removed her panties, and when she returned to the table she pressed them into his hand for the purpose of seeing his eyes go wide, of knowing that, beneath the silken tablecloth he was sporting a tremendous erection she couldn't wait to feel inside her. Just the thought made her damp and fragrant, and she knew how much her aroma aroused him.

"Are you going to fuck me when we get home?" she'd asked as they left the restaurant. Sexy beneath the cheap pair of glasses she wore, her eyes locked with his.

"I might not wait until then," he had replied. His words turned her on, her wetness sticking to her legs.

Now, he shut off the engine and with a flick turned off the headlights. They sat there for a moment, the desire hanging in the air, almost tangible. She expected him to lean over, to kiss her voraciously, to grope her breasts and caress her thighs. Instead, he seemed to be staring off into space. She looked where he was looking, squinting through her eyeglasses. At first she thought he was looking at the random cars on the opposite side of the parking garage, but more likely he was just lost in thought.

"What is it?" she asked. He snapped out of it immediately.

"Nothing," he said with the self-consciousness of a teenager who has been caught imitating his favorite rock star in the bathroom mirror. "Let's get out."

It was only a thirty-second elevator ride up to their apartment, where they could give in to passion in the comfort of their own bedroom, atop warm bedsheets. Thirty seconds. Neither could wait that long.

He opened the car door and stepped out. She followed, her high heels clicking on the cold concrete floor. Gripping her purse, she headed for the elevator but his hand on her shoulder told her to halt.

He turned her around to face him, their bodies almost colliding as their lips met in a furious kiss. As his mouth opened against hers, the heel of his hand made its way under her leather skirt and between her legs, finding wetness where they met. He slipped two fingers inside her straight away, then a third and a fourth. As they undulated inside her, he strummed her aroused clit with his thumb.

She cried out, her voice echoing off the walls of the garage. At the sound, he expected her to back away demurely for fear that some elderly neighbor might see them while dumping her trash at half past midnight. Her actual reaction, however, was much different than he expected.

"Fuck me," she said. "Right here."

"Right here?" he asked, a smile forming on his lips and no trace of hesitation in his voice as he continued to caress her beneath the skirt.

"You said you were going to fuck me as soon as we got home, so fuck me." She unbuttoned the skirt and let it fall to their feet. Paying it no mind, he continued to play with her. She moaned erotically, savoring his touch. She reached down to his belt, hurrying to unbuckle it before unsnapping his jeans. His cock was already stiff, ready for action as it sprang into her grip. She stroked it anyway, enjoying the familiar feet of it in her hand. But she wanted more.

"Fuck me," she repeated. There was no plea in her words, but rather a sense of urgent insistence.

He wanted to continue to finger her, to give her the immediate release that he knew she needed. The thought of finding her G-spot right there in the garage was overwhelming. But once the request was made - and for that matter, repeated - he had no choice. In seconds, he had her turned around, up against the car with her palms pressing against the passenger-side window to brace her. She arched her back wantonly, purring with desire and anticipation. He stepped around the discarded skirt as he moved close, spreading her open with his hands as his hardness found its way inside.

She came almost immediately in a slippery gush that soaked his jeans, her moans quickly giving way to sighs of what could only be described as relief. She threw herself forward, feeling the cool glass of the window against her flushed face. She didn't have long to enjoy it, though, as he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her back toward him, kissing her eagerly and hungrily, the sounds of his passion filling her ears as he continued to press himself deeper and deeper inside of her.

"Yes!" she cried out once the kiss broke. "Fuck me!" The command reverberated through the stillness of the night, and if he wasn't already he would have had no choice but to obey. She continued to goad him, feeling his fingers dig into her hips, slamming her onto him with great force. That's how she knew he was close.

He tensed up, his hands gripping her body with a tightness she'd rarely experienced. When he came, he emptied his seed deep inside her, his hands slowly relaxing. He slid out of her, and pulled his jeans back up. As he buckled his belt, she leaned in for a lusty kiss.

As she bent down to pick up her skirt, she heard a car engine start. The driver waited until she'd put the garment back on before turning on his headlights and bathing their afterglow in illumination. The car pulled out of its parking space, and she noticed with some amusement that the other driver had also backed in. As the car passed them, she looked to her side and saw her husband exchanging a nod with the other driver.

Boarding the elevator at last, she knew that this night would echo in her mind forever.

(The prompt for this week's Wank Wednesday was "echo".)

Retro HNT: Baby Bump

2012-02-01T01:28:00.000-08:00

"Baby Bump", posted March 4, 2010

In 2010, we posted fifty-two straight weeks of pictures at OHNT. We're posting them on our blog, one per week. They can be found here, along with background information, and all the comments they received.

TMI Tuesday: January 31, 2012 - Super Bowl Sunday Celebration

2012-01-31T01:47:00.000-08:00

(or any sports party)

Even if their team is not going to the Super Bowl, millions of people love an excuse to party. So party we will. Tell us what your ideal Super Bowl Celebration (or any sports party) looks like by answering:

Jack's Answers

1. What’s your favorite _____ that you’ll serve at the party (name one item for each):
a. choice of beer
I prefer not to drink - and therefore I don't serve - cheap domestic beer like Bud Light or Coors Light. I would probably have Blue Moon, Shock Top, Fat Tire or Gordon Biersch on hand, as to me those beers represent a respectable compromise between quality and cost.
b. choice of wine
Definitely a red, probably Pinot Noir. While we drink a lot of wine, we drink more beer on Super Bowl Sunday.
c. choice of distilled spirit
I drink Irish whisky, preferably Jameson's or Paddy's (no Bushmills if I can help it). However, I'll put out some cheap whisky for my guests - Jack Daniels is likely - since they'll probably prefer it anyway, the uncultured boors. Beyond that, we will have on hand vodka, scotch, rum, and tequila, and a snifter of brandy after the game sounds good as well.
d. choice of mixed drink
I usually drink my whisky neat; however I will have on hand all the usual mixers for my guests to enjoy as they see fit.
e. choice of chip
Corn chips will be served. They're not my favorite chip for snacking on; that distinction goes to the sturdy, delicious tortilla chip, especially when eaten with a delicious homemade tomatillo or habanero salsa. However, corn chips go perfectly with my preferred dip. See the next question.
f. choice of dip
The greatest Super Bowl Sunday dip in the world is a mix of rotisserie chicken, buffalo wing sauce, cream cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, and blue cheese dressing. Once I tried this stuff, I knew I'd never go back to heroin.
g. choice of take-out food (pizza, burgers, Chinese food, wings, etc)
Wings. I don't think there's ever been a Super Bowl Sunday in which I haven't eaten wings. Even after polishing off half a tray of the aforementioned buffalo wing dip, I can still kill several buffalo wings.
h. choice of homemade food
Whatever you want to make, 'cause I'm not cooking.
i. choice of salty food
Tortilla chips. If time allows on Saturday (it probably won't), I might make some from scratch, along with some salsa.
j. choice of sweet food
Probably M&Ms. We always have a few bags in our cupboard, and enjoy munching on them whether there's a football game on or not.

2. What will you wear at the party?
Hopefully nothing. Hey, it's my party.

3. You will be having your very own half time show at the football party. What is that half-time show? Briefly describe.
During half time, all chairs will be moved away from the center of the room. Jill and I will move into the empty space, strip off each other's clothes, and begin fucking with wild abandon while our guests cheer us on.

4. What team do you wish was playing in the Super Bowl?
My local heroes, the San Francisco 49ers. I doubt any Bay Area football fan was less than heartbroken after their loss to the Giants.

5. The NY Giants and New England Patriots are in Super Bowl 2012, who do you want to win? (ummm…yeah, I had to google that info…LOL)
I'll be rooting for the Patriots, and not just because the Giants beat the Niners. I like the team, and would greatly enjoy seeing them get a little payback after the upset that was Super Bowl XLII.

Bonus: Have you ever made a football (or Super Bowl) bet that involved sex? Tell us about your own Super Bowl of Sex.
No, I've never made a Super Bowl bet involving sex. However, I bet on Juan carlos Ferrero to win the 2003 U.S. Open. Andy Roddick won instead, I couldn't come up with the money, and the bookie made me her sex slave for two weeks. When it was over, I re-upped for another week.

Bonus Bonus: Will you watch the Super Bowl? Do you even care about the Super Bowl? American football at all? What’s your can’t live without sport?
We'll be watching. More than likely we'll watch the game at Jill's parents' house, where it'll be a packed house, and much delicious food and drink will be consumed. Of all the major sports I can think of, football is the one I follow the closest, although generally speaking I don't get invested in too many games that don't involve the 49ers - unless I'm watching to root against a team I particularly dislike. *cough* Raiders *cough*

Jill's Answers

1. What’s your favorite _____ that you’ll serve at the party (name one item for each):
a. choice of beer
I like Guinness, so that's what I'd probably serve to my guests. I realize that it's not exactly a "football" beer, but I'm not buying Bud Light. It's not allowed on my property.
b. choice of wine
The variety of wine that I drink most often lately is Pinot Noir, or possibly Syrah. Although if Guinness isn't exactly a "football" beer, neither is wine a "football" beverage. But that's what we have, so that's what I'd offer our guests.
c. choice of distilled spirit
Definitely vodka! I like screwdrivers, vodka cranberry, vodka cran orange, and plenty of other cocktails made with vodka, so that's what I'd have available.
d. choice of mixed drink
I'd probably go with vodka cran orange, but if the game was at ten AM, we'd be drinking Ramos Fizzes.
e. choice of chip
Regular Lay's potato chips.
f. choice of dip
I love onion dip, but it has to be made with Lipton's onion soup mix, and not French onion dip.
g. choice of take-out food (pizza, burgers, Chinese food, wings, etc)
Wings. There's something about eating greasy chicken wings that goes hand-in-hand with football. Pizza is a close second, although I really associate pizza with Monday Night Football, as that's what we ate every Monday while watching the game when I was a kid.
h. choice of homemade food
There's a really good buffalo chicken dip that we make on Super Bowl Sunday. In fact, we were introduced to this recipe several Super Bowls back. We make it, and eat it, on other occasions, but it's perfect for the Super Bowl.
i. choice of salty food
Chips or pretzels.
j. choice of sweet food
Peanut M&Ms. They're perfect for any occasion, and it's not a Super Bowl party without a few bowls for guests to enjoy.

2. What will you wear at the party?
My New England Patriots shirt and jeans.

3. You will be having your very own half time show at the football party. What is that half-time show? Briefly describe.
Naked Twister! Actually, anything involving sex would be wonderful. In 2009 I wrote a story about sexy half time fun during the Super Bowl. I'm re-posting it here for your enjoyment.

I carried the bowl of chips into the living room and left it on the coffee table. I returned to the kitchen with two empties and switched them out for two ice cold beers. I popped the tops and brought them out to the guys.

Back in the kitchen I began cooking the chicken wings. I kept an ear open for the game, listening as the guys became more rambunctious every time a touchdown was scored. During a commercial break, Jack called out for more salsa, and I refilled the empty bowl. They also asked for a couple more beers, and I gladly complied. But when that was done, I decided to change my clothes. If I was going to be their servant, I ought to look the part. In the bedroom I put on a low-cut black top, my shortest black skirt, a pair of fishnet stockings and high heels, and a white apron. Instant French maid.

As I sauntered back into the living room, both guys immediately looked up at me. I was pleased to see that there was something that could turn their attention away from the game. I dropped myself into Jack’s lap and asked how the game was going. He pointed out that it was halftime – I should have known – and that since the halftime show wasn’t any good they needed some entertainment. Feeling especially daring, I began to bump and grind, slowly stripping off the apron, then the skirt and the top, leaving myself in just my bra, panties, stockings and heels.

I stepped out of the heels, got down on my hands and knees, and crawled over to the couch where Jack was sitting. He had an erection that was visible through his jeans, and I rubbed it, feeling him strain against me. Without looking up, I could feel both his and Jason's eyes on me as I opened Jack’s pants and freed his swelling, hard cock. Holding it in a firm grip I began to lavish kisses all over the head and shaft, moving my lips and tongue all over him. I stroked him vigorously and sucked him deeply into my mouth, then looked up at his face to enjoy his reactions.

As I continued to pleasure Jack, I was startled to feel a warm hand on my bare back. Jason's hand. He began to slowly and sensuously massage me, moving from my back to my ass, tracing my curves with confident movements. He moved down to my thighs, the heat from his hands further arousing me. I was tempted to turn around, to make eye contact and urge him onward, but there was no way I was going to stop doing what I was doing to Jack, or even pause. So I was glad when I felt his hand slip between my legs and envelop me through my panties, already damp with desire. His palm gently caressed me, sending an electrical charge through my body. I had waited for this moment for a very long time, and I was eager to experience it all.

As though he could read my mind, Jason pulled my panties aside and kissed me. His tongue was firm but not stiff, each lick sending a surge through me. He sucked on my juicy lips, then resumed licking, lapping up my wetness as his tongue invaded me, seeking those underappreciated parts of my pussy that were most in need of attention. I could feel my heart pounding with excitement as his fingers met his tongue. At first it was a gentle, reassuring touch. Soon, however, I was luxuriating in the sensations as his fingers slid in and out of me, his thumb buzzing my clitoris. I grew wetter and wetter, and I took Jack even deeper. Behind me, Jason was as intent on my orgasm as I was on Jack’s, and I was ready for both.

Jason stopped playing with me just long enough to pull down my panties, planting exquisite kisses on my cheeks and down my legs as he did. As I shook them off of my feet, I longed to feel his fingers and his mouth back on me where they belonged. As he massaged my thighs I took my mouth off of Jack’s cock and urged Jason to go back to doing what he was doing before. He didn’t need much urging, and he dove back onto me, his mouth and his fingers working together to achieve the desired result.

I was very close, and I could tell that my husband was too. I wasn't done with Jack by any means, and I slowed down even as Jason pushed me further, his tongue working overtime. He was probing so deeply inside me that it felt like he was trying to get lost between my lips. I couldn’t take it anymore. Just one more lick was all it was going to take. That's when I felt the head of Jason's cock pressing against me from behind.

I knew what he wanted. I wanted it too. I arched my back and all at once Jason was inside me, each strong thrust dangerously close to unlocking my orgasm at long last. My pussy clenched around his steel-hard length, and as his hands gripped my hips he pushed into me with as much energy as he could muster. Doing my best to concentrate on Jason's long, swift strokes against my G-spot, I continued to lick and suck the throbbing cock in front of me. As I came, I took Jack deep into my throat. My pussy gushed like a fountain, the sounds of my pleasure muffled as I undulated my hips against Jason's.

As I rode continuing waves of ecstasy I felt Jack tensing up and heard him moan. His cock throbbed in my mouth even as Jason's throbbed in my pussy. I took my mouth off of Jack and he stood over me, stroking quickly. At the same time, Jason cried out in ecstasy, his moans filling my ears along with my husband's. I could feel his cum flood my insides even as I watched the throbbing head of Jack's cock erupt, a warm fountain of white sweetness raining down on me.

As we caught our breath, Jack noticed that the game was starting again. Just in time!

4. What team do you wish was playing in the Super Bowl?

The Niners. They have been my all-time favorite team since I was old enough to watch and love football. I remember having many incredibly fun Super Bowl parties in the 1980s, and I hope that we will be able to recapture that excitement next season!

5. The NY Giants and New England Patriots are in Super Bowl 2012, who do you want to win? (ummm…yeah, I had to google that info…LOL)

Well, I didn't say I was going to wear a Giants T-shirt! Beyond being unable to root for the team that defeated the Niners (unless the alternative is the Oakland Raiders), the Patriots are my second favorite team of all time.

Bonus: Have you ever made a football (or Super Bowl) bet that involved sex? Tell us about your own Super Bowl of Sex.

I've done it for regular season games. I once dated a guy who liked the Denver Broncos. When the Niners played the Broncos and won, I got oral for the first half of the following week's Broncos game. Now that I think of it, he was probably just as much of a winner as I was, because I taste great. I've never made such a bet on Super Bowl Sunday, but it sounds like it would be fun. Too bad Jack and I are rooting for the same team this year. Any Giants fans out there want to make a little wager?

Bonus Bonus: Will you watch the Super Bowl? Do you even care about the Super Bowl? American football at all? What’s your can’t live without sport?

I will definitely watch the Super Bowl! Football is my one can't live without sport. I always watch the Super Bowl even if I'm not a fan of either team. I'm definitely more invested in the game if a team I like is playing, but if not, it's still a great excuse to get together with family and friends and play Naked Twister!

Masturbation Monday

2012-01-30T01:28:00.000-08:00

We're pretty sure that everyone who's following our new Monday photo feature assumed that this particular theme would happen eventually. Who doesn't enjoy masturbating? It's exciting, fun, and sexy, and it's something you can do all by yourself. It's a great way to start your day, and the promise of an orgasm before work is the main thing motivating me to not hit snooze when my alarm goes off. I usually take care of myself during my morning shower, but my favorite place to masturbate is on our bed.

You can't see it, but I'm using my Rabbit in this shot. Nothing against my fingers - I love the way my pussy feels against them - but when you are pressed for time, the quicker the better!

-Jill

Sunday Stealing: The 99'er Meme (a.k.a. The Total Fucking Ripoff Meme), Part 1

2012-01-29T14:04:00.000-08:00

(Looking for our Sinful Sunday? It can be found here. It's hot.)

Frisky in the 916: Where filthy sex and Pokemon collide

Today we ripped off a blogger named Kyogres* from the blog Hero of the BlueFlames. It's long so we will do it in parts. It was stolen from Nerdish.But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player's posts. It's a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack's Answers

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

Yes, because everyone uses iTunes. Nice try. However, for the sake of not being an argumentative prick, I'll play along. The first six songs that come up when I put my all-purpose playlist on random mode are:

Marilyn Manson - If I Was Your Vampire

Michael Franti & Spearhead ft. Cherine Anderson - Say Hey (I Love You)

Janis Ian - Days Like These

Naughty By Nature - Hip Hop Hooray

Louis Prima - Oh Marie

Ella Fitzgerald ft. Duke Ellington - Take the A Train

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

My instinct was to say that there are a lot of sexy blogging friends we've made, many of whom I would love to be able to board a plane and go visit, hopefully for the purpose of mind-blowing, no-strings-attached sex. And this is completely true, but I'm going to mention Rachel Rey specifically, because the last time this question was asked, she mentioned me. Although as I said before, there are a lot of bloggers I'd enjoy meeting, she's the only one that I'm guessing wouldn't file a restraining order if I came to visit. Plus I promised to massage her gluteus maximus after her successful completion of a triathlon today.

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

"beyond the face of a wall."

4) What do you think about most?

Sex. I'm a pretty thoughtful guy and think about lots of different things, from writing, to my family, to what I'd like to have for dinner tomorrow night. But all of these things pale in comparison to sex, which is at the forefront of my mind at all times. In fact, at some level I'm convinced that sex is a motivator for most of what I do and therefore most of what I think about.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

"No problem...what did u do?"

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Usually I sleep without clothes on, especially if it's warm but sometimes when it's not. If it's really cold, I might wear anything from boxers to sweatpants, but I almost never wear a shirt to bed. I'm not crazy about the constrictiveness of clothing when I'm awake, much less when I'm asleep. I enjoy the feel of cool - or warm, depending on the weather - sheets against my body, and I assume that when the baby is old enough to enter our room and get into bed with us on her own, I will no longer be able to sleep naked, so I'm taking advantage while I can.

7) What's your strangest talent?

The last time this question came up in Sunday Stealing, I claimed the ability to play the oboe with my asshole. This was obviously a joke; it's actually the bagpipes that I play rectally.

8) Women.... (finish the sentence); Men.... (finish the sentence)

...are the gender I like to fuck; ...are cool, but I'm not into fucking them.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

No, although the fact that I sometimes exchange micropoetry with Rachel Rey means that poetry has been written to me (just not exactly about me).

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I've never played the air guitar. I hope that this bit of Jack trivia improves your opinion of me rather than tarnishes it.

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

I don't think any of my phobias are strange. One of my biggest fears involves being chased through an Office Depot store by a sixteen-foot-tall stapler while an army of anthropomorphic Liquid Paper bottles taunt me with flaming Sharpies. But that one is pretty common.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Do fingers count? Probably not, since they're part of my body and thus not foreign. I'm pretty sure I've used an nasal aspirator. Let's go with that.

13) What's your religion?

I don't have one. I was raised Catholic, though I don't really practice, and in fact don't require any sort of -ism to get me through life. I suppose that if atheism and antitheism were religions, I'd select one or both of them. Fortunately, they're not.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Taking a walk with my daughter. Playing with her at the park. Scoping out single or stay-at-home Moms who are also out with their own kids. Flirting innocently with same as we push our children on the swings. Tweeting while I should be paying attention to my kid on the slide.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

I prefer to be behind it, as I think Jill is a much nicer piece of eye candy than I am. However, whenever we've posted a picture of me I am flattered by positive comments from women who are probably overwhelmed with desire and arousal

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Red Hot Chili Peppers, just like the last time you asked.

17) What was the last lie you told?

I have no idea. I do my best to tell the truth whenever possible, to the extent that I can't always think of a recent lie I've told. I'm guessing that it had something to do with Jill's family, i.e. telling them that we had a prior obligation to get us out of a family function.

18) Do you believe in karma?

Not really. While believing in karma is comforting after some asshole cuts you off on the freeway, or gets away with murder, I don't believe that there is any real order to the universe. It seems like the worst people get treated the best, and the decent people struggle to get ahead and usually fail. Then again, perhaps that is the order to the universe.

19) What does your URL mean?

"Frisky" refers to the state of being in the mood for sex, which Jill and I frequently are; "916" refers to the area code where Jill and I lived when we began blogging; "cpl" is short for "couple".

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I'm a sucker for a beautiful woman. Scratch that. I'm going with bullets. Like Lola did to Clapton, a beautiful woman can have me on my knees in seconds, but I usually get up again. A hail of bullets, though, will kill me dead in seconds. I'm afraid I'm not Superman. As for my greatest strength, I would say that I am an emotionally-faithful husband, loyal friend, and loving father. I would say that, but the urge to go with my sexual prowess instead is far too great.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

I'm so out of touch that while I can name celebrities my ability to put a name to a face isn't what it once was, and now that I mention it I don't usually crush over celebrities. It's just not my way. In the past I admired plenty of female celebrities, and sure I'd probably bang any of the current crop of Hollywood starlets given the chance. But that's not the same as a crush; I'm more likely to have a crush on someone I know personally as the public image of a celebrity isn't quite enough to get me to "crush" mode. You know what? I'm going to pick Mary Tyler Moore, if only because shes "trending now" on Yahoo!, and I'd like nothing more than to finish this question so I can move on to the next one.

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Yes, quite often. My parents have a swimming pool, and on occasion when the weather allows, Jill and I will sneak into the yard after they're asleep and take a dip au naturel. Additionally, when camping with Jill's family, we invariably find ourselves naked and treading water in some murky lake. Despite the muck and the small biting fish, it's a lot of fun.

23) How do you vent your anger?

I tend to be pretty happy, generally. While there are things that make me angry I do my best to keep my emotions in check, not because I think that we should hide our feelings but because my daughter is going to wonder what the hell is wrong with me if I flip out. I find that writing helps to express my negative emotions, and of course an orgasm helps as well. If I had the time, I'd probably play video games, as committing horrific acts of violence against something that cannot feel pain is a healthy, harmless outlet for one's anger.

24) Do you have a collection of anything?

Books. I can't get enough of phyical reading material (as opposed to electronic media). There are ten bookcases in our current abode, each of them full-to-bursting with all manner of books (mostly non-fiction). Three entire bookcases are filled with books on film study and analysis. It's a passion of mine.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

As I'm not crazy about talking on the phone - in fact, I send a hell of a lot more texts than I make phone calls - I'd much rather video chat, but only when there's the possibility of nudity. In other words, if I'm talking to, say, my parents, I'd prefer to do so on the phone.

Jill's Answers

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

Dean Martin - Return to Me (Ritorna Me)

April March - Chick Habit

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Tearjerker

Todd Rundgren - Can We Still Be Friends

Led Zeppelin - Hey Hey What Can I Do

Dropkick Murphys - Oi Oi Oi

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Definitely one (or hopefully more) of the many friends we've made through blogging and on Twitter. I couldn't possibly pick just one!

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

"For example, if You had asked me back in my Chris-"

4) What do you think about most?

Sex, money, our baby. And Jack, of course. There's really no particular hierarchy here. These are simply the four things that I think of most, in no particular order. I guess I think about work an awful lot as well.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

"We're meeting here at 5 to have drinks."

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

I don't sleep with clothes on. If my in-laws are staying over, I keep clothes nearby so that I can put them on quickly in case the baby starts crying and I have to go check on her in her room.

7) What's your strangest talent?

I can roll my tongue, and flip it over sideways. It's a fun trick, and Jack loves it when I do it when I'm giving him a blowjob.

8) Women.... (finish the sentence); Men.... (finish the sentence)

...are hot; ...are sexy

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Jack writes me a sonnet every year on my birthday. He also came up with, and sometimes sings to me, a song about my pussy sung to the tune of the "My Bologna Has a First Name" song from the old Oscar Meyer TV commercials. [Editor's note: We answered these questions in a restaurant. While trying to determine the tune to which her pussy song is sung, Jill sang the first line - which does in fact contain the word "pussy" - a bit loudly for polite company.]

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I don't play air guitar. I might play air drums once in awhile, but I have to be really drunk.

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

Most of my phobias are fairly common. I'm afraid of snakes, for example. No less a personality than Indiana Jones was also afraid of snakes, so I don't think that's all that strange. However, when I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I refuse to look in the mirror when I'm washing my hands. This is because I never turn the bathroom light on when I'm half asleep, and I'm afraid of the shadows playing tricks on me. I don't want to see the reflection of a street light in the mirror and think it's Bloody Mary or something.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

No, but I've had a foreign object up my ass.

13) What's your religion?

I was raised Catholic and still consider myself Catholic. However, I am very proud of my ability to take what suits me from the teachings of the Catholic Church, notably the Golden Rule, while ignoring or condemning outright the bigotry, the church's stance on sexuality and reproductive issues, and its apparent condonation of child sexual abuse.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

I'm probably taking a walk, or if I'm on the balcony, having sex. Since moving to our new place, we no longer have a backyard, and we don't even have to leave the building to dump the garbage. If I'm at work, though, I'm probably supervising students at recess.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

I prefer to be in front of it. I love it when Jack takes pictures of me. He makes me feel very comfortable, confident, and sexy.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

The Beach Boys.

17) What was the last lie you told?

I said I had a doctor's appointment in order to get out of work. We aren't allowed to take personal days.

18) Do you believe in karma?

Yes. I feel like if you do something bad, something is going to - or at least should - bite you in the ass. If you do something good, you should be rewarded. I guess it really doesn't work out that way most of the time. My own sense of right and wrong and the belief that you should treat others how you want to be treated, more than karma, makes me a caring, decent person.

19) What does your URL mean?

What, like the URL of our blog? It means "Frisky 916 [our former area code] couple."

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is probably that I put everyone ahead of me. Maybe it comes from being the second-eldest of a very large family, but I find that I am used to taking on a lot of responsibility, and sometimes "me" time suffers because of it. I am trying to change this. My greatest strength is my conscientiousness. I have a standard for every task I undertake and I am very serious about accomplishing it to that standard. I would also like to think that I am a very good mother.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

Mark Ruffalo. He has the same dark features and intensity that I used to find so hot in Jason Patric.

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Yes. I love being naked in the water. The excitement of the cool water on my bare skin is amplified by the thrill that comes with the risk of being caught.

23) How do you vent your anger?

If I'm alone in the car, I sometimes scream or vocalize my feelings. Other times, I cry. Here's my answer from the last time this question came up:

I scream. I cry. I punch people in the eye. Actually, I don't punch anybody. I just wanted to rhyme. And I only scream if I'm alone in the car and there's no chance of anyone knocking on the window and asking what my problem is.

24) Do you have a collection of anything?

I have a bunch of Tinkerbell stuff that Jack has gotten me. I've always liked the character.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

I prefer video chatting online, although I don't do it nearly as often as talking on the phone. When I'm in the car on my way home from work, I sometimes call Jack, as it makes my drive go faster. Usually our conversation turns into a detailed plan of what we'd like to do to each other when I get home, and needless to say it would be a lot hotter if I was able to see him while we were talking about this.

*Kyogres stole virtually all of these questions from previous Sunday Stealing installments.

Sinful Sunday: In the Kitchen

2012-01-29T02:03:00.000-08:00

Take my hand and come into the kitchen with me. Quickly, before the baby notices we're gone. Close the door. Now stand right here. Oh! You're already nice and hard. I've been hungry for you all day, and I don't want to wait a second longer.

(Click!)

Formspring Friday: Quick Hookups

2012-01-27T01:23:00.000-08:00

This week's question brought back fond memories of our carefree single days.

What's the fastest you've gone from meeting someone to sleeping with them?

Jack's Answer

The fastest I've ever gone was probably a couple hours. I had a few one-night stands in my single days, and most of these were bar pickups. However, when I was in my early twenties I attended a house party held by a friend's cousin. I hit it off well with one of the host's co-workers and we spent awhile chatting. Then she gave me head in a spare bedroom.

Although head qualifies as sex in my book, it's probably not the same as sleeping with someone, which is what the question specifically asked. Therefore I'll talk about the first time I picked somebody up in a bar. I was twenty-one, newly-dumped by someone I really cared about, and feeling somewhat disillusioned. Also being newly-legal, I'd been regularly visiting bars with friends on the weekends. I was still living with my parents, and one Tuesday or Thursday night, after a night class, I decided to go to a bar as we had out-of-town family visiting and I didn't particularly want to see them or socialize with them.

The woman I hooked up with had to have been in her thirties. She seemed older, mature, even distinguished, but she was probably younger than I am currently. We sat beside each other at the bar, our legs casually brushing against one another without any conscious effort by either of us. We made small talk for awhile, about typical topics most of which are long forgotten, but I distinctly remember her telling me that she was trying to get custody of her son, or at least visitation rights. It wasn't until I bought her a drink that she told me her name.

After another round, she asked if I wanted to get out of there. I said yes, and she basically asked me my place or hers, although she didn't use those exact words. Hesitant to tell her that I still lived with my parents, I mumbled something half-hearted about having out of town company - which was, of course, 100% true - and asked if we could go to her place. We did. If I had to guess, I'd say that the sex began about an hour and a half after she gave me her name, which for the purposes of answering this question would be when I met her, technically.

She wasn't the best sex I had ever had at that point in my life; likely that distinction goes to a girl I dated casually during my first year of college. But my one-night stand wasn't a dead fish by any means; the sex was fun and exciting, and it certainly beat the hell out of going home and masturbating.

Jill's Answer

Three hours. When I was around twenty-seven, I went to a club with some friends. We arrived by eight, were drunk by nine, and shortly thereafter met some guys. We hung out and danced for awhile, and I had a good time getting to know one of the guys. Eventually my friends got ready to leave, but I wasn't ready and he offered to give me a ride home.

Once we were in his car, he asked where I wanted him to take me. I told him that it was still early, and why didn't he take me to his place. (I was enjoying his company, but I really didn't want him to know where I lived.) He was visiting from out of town, and staying with friends or relatives. When we got back to his place, we started making out on the couch, and before long we were tearing each other's clothes off and vigorously going at it right there in the living room. At one point I'm pretty sure someone came out to get a glass of water or something while we were having sex.

We fell asleep on the couch, under a blanket. I woke up sometime later and walked home. It turns out that his place was just a few blocks from where I was living at the time.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog. We like sexy questions!

The Naughty Hangout: Blue Moon

2012-01-26T00:44:00.000-08:00

This week, the main theme for The Naughty Hangout was "Isolation". We had a couple really good ideas for this theme, but circumstances conspired to prevent us from getting the shots we wanted. Ultimately, we turned to one of the alternate themes, "Blues". We're pretty sure that this theme refers to the state of being sad, i.e. having the blues; or perhaps the musical genre. We chose instead to focus on the color blue, which I am demonstrating in a blue top and blue thong. In our photo, "Blues" refers to the two different hues I'm wearing.

Head over to The Naughty Hangout and see who else participated this week!

-Jill

Retro HNT: Hanging Out

2012-01-25T01:00:00.000-08:00

"Hanging Out", posted February 25, 2010

TMI Tuesday: January 24, 2012 - Decisions

2012-01-24T01:19:00.000-08:00

I am a Graham Norton fan. He has a newish show called “Would You Rather” that airs on BBC America (you know the Top Gear-Gordon Ramsay channel…ugh!!). I grabbed these fun questions from WYR.

Jack's Answers

1. Would you rather wear the same pair of unwashed socks for 2 years or wear the same pair of unwashed underwear for 1 year? Explain.

I'd go with the socks, mainly because while the thought of my feet in the same nasty socks every day for two years is distasteful, I wouldn't have to wash my feet for half an hour prior to engaging in sex (though I probably should). If I was going to wear a dirty pair of underwear every day, I imagine it would cut down on the spontaneity. Actually, it doesn't say every day; presumably I'd just be wearing them on the days wherein I wear socks. In theory I wouldn't have to wear the unwashed pair of socks if I was going to wear, say, flip flops.

2. Would you rather eat a baby or be eaten by a giant baby? Explain.

I'm going to go with "eaten by a giant baby", because I ate a baby once, and I see no reason not to choose the new experience.*

3. Would you rather steal money from your Grandfather in the past or steal money from a Grandchild in the future? Why?

I'll go with stealing money from my paternal Grandfather, who never liked me. Plus, as he died more than fifteen years ago, I would have find a way to journey back to the past in order to accomplish this, and presumably when I was finished I could zip back to the present-day and never get caught.

4. Would you rather be trapped in a cave full of vampire bats or put a large jar full of bees (opened) in your pants?

I'd prefer to be trapped in a cave full of vampire bats. The only practical reason to put an open jar of bees in my pants is for the swelling, and my cock swells just fine without the aid of a bunch of pissed-off stinging insects.

5. Would you rather be a person with a head that is noticeably big for your body or have a head that is disproportionately small compared to the rest of your body?

I'll probably go with the smaller head. When I say that I want a lot of head, that doesn't mean that I want a physically large one.

Bonus (not from WYR): Would you rather have sex, with your significant other, in a sex club with all eyes and a spotlight on you OR would you rather get gang-banged & groped in darkness by a bunch of strangers.

I've had sex in a sex club with all eyes on us (albeit no spotlight), and it was a lot of fun. I'm not sure I would enjoy being gang-banged, so if I had to choose I'd gladly repeat the sex club experience.

Jill's Answers

1. Would you rather wear the same pair of unwashed socks for 2 years or wear the same pair of unwashed underwear for 1 year? Explain.

I would go with wearing unwashed socks for two years. I wouldn't want to scare off potential sexual partners with dirty underwear. But I would be much happier going commando and barefoot.

2. Would you rather eat a baby or be eaten by a giant baby? Explain.

I can't imagine eating any baby, even an ugly one (or maybe especially an ugly one). Being eaten by a giant baby sounds better. Plus, if the baby is that big, he or she may just swallow me whole. That couldn't hurt that much, could it?

3. Would you rather steal money from your Grandfather in the past or steal money from a Grandchild in the future? Why?

I don't think I could steal from my grandchild. I love my baby with all my heart, and I imagine that I will love my grandchild just as much. Therefore I don't think I could bear to hurt him or her. Sorry, Grandpa, but I would have to steal from you. Of course, my Grandpa was so loving that I'm sure he would forgive me.

4. Would you rather be trapped in a cave full of vampire bats or put a large jar full of bees (opened) in your pants?

Definitely vampire bats, because I'd much rather be bitten than stung!

5. Would you rather be a person with a head that is noticeably big for your body or have a head that is disproportionately small compared to the rest of your body?

I think a smaller head is much creepier than a larger one. Plus, aren't those urban vinyl figures and bobbleheads popular? Having a larger head might revitalize my social standing!

I actually have had sex at a sex club with others watching and masturbating, and I loved how exciting that was, so let's do it again with a spotlight this time! I like this better than the other choice, because it doesn't specify whether the strangers are hot men or scary, unwashed drug addicts. I'm not taking any chances.

Moved-In Monday

2012-01-23T01:55:00.000-08:00

It's taken us a week, but for all intents and purposes we are moved out of our old place and into our new one. It was a difficult move, but we're glad to be done and we look forward to getting all of our things unpacked and put in place. The sooner we do that, the sooner we can resume our normal blogging/tweeting schedules. While bringing in some boxes from the moving truck last night, Jill and I noticed that we were alone in the parking garage, and she took advantage.

Before you unfollow us in disgust, I should point out that I normally wear my pants at a respectable height.

-Jack

Sinful Sunday: Mirror Mirror

2012-01-22T01:58:00.000-08:00

Hey, you. You're really fucking sexy with those pretty brown curls. Plus your tits look hot in that top you're barely wearing. You want to come back to my place? My husband's got a nice thick cock and a tongue that doesn't quit. You can sit on his face while I ride him, and then we can switch. When we're both satisfied, we can suck his cock. If you do a good job I'll even let you have some cum.

(Click!)

Sunday Stealing: The Neverending Meme, Ends

2012-01-22T00:05:00.000-08:00

Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack's Answers

36. Have you watched American Horror Story?
No. Someday, possibly when my daughter is in college or gets a job, I will get around to watching it.

37. Baseball hat or toque?
Baseball hat. I have a pretty large collection of baseball caps, but I rarely wear them. Even though I'm a jeans (or shorts) and T-shirt kind of guy, when I wear headgear I prefer to wear what is known as a newsboy cap, as it versatile and looks good with casual clothing and semi-formal wear (or maybe it's me).

38. Do you shampoo or soap up first in the shower?

Depends on my mood. No two of my showers are exactly the same.

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?

I usually wet the toothbrush after applying the toothpaste.

40. Pen or pencil?

I prefer to write in ink, as I find that over time pencil marks fade. I have an appreciation for cheap, disposable Bic-type pens, and try to have a few on hand for taking notes, jotting down writing ideas, or doodling. I tend to keep pencils around for sketching or drawing plans, though if I can't find any pens I will write with a pencil. Since our move, however, most of our writing implements have been packed, and I have found myself scrambling to find something when I need to take down a phone number or write a quick note.

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino?

Of course. Growing up, my family was fond of taking weekend trips to Tahoe and Reno, and I generally didn't have much fun until I was of legal age to gamble. I've won a few jackpots, though nothing too significant.

42. Have you thrown up on a plane?

No. I've had sex on a plane though.

43. Have you thrown up in a car?

Probably, though I don't remember any specific occurrences. I was always more likely to get queasy, usually because I was reading, and have the feeling pass without incident.

44. Have you thrown up at work?

No.

45. Do you scream on roller coasters?

Yeah. I generally don't hold my arms up though, which Jill always does. My finely-honed survival instinct dictates that I hold on for dear life the whole time - even though I know there is little chance of being thrown from the ride.

46. How many shoes do you have?

Let's see: Two pairs of general-purpose tennis shoes, one pair of running shoes, two pairs of Chuck Taylors, two pairs of flip-flops, one pair of bedroom slippers, two pairs of dress shoes in black, one pair of dress shoes in brown, one pair of black steel-toed boots, one pair of brown work boots. Thirteen pairs, twenty-six shoes.

47. Who was your first roommate?

My first roommate was a long-time friend who would eventually be best man at my wedding.

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time?

When I was around eleven I shared a couple wine coolers with my cousin while his parents weren't home. I remember feeling pretty sleepy and falling asleep on his couch. The first honest-to-goodness bender I went on was with beer.

49. What was your first job?

As I was planning on getting my teaching credential, I worked in a preschool, and tutored children in their homes and at schools and libraries, all pretty much simultaneously.

50. What was your first car?

A 1970 Dodge Dart.

51. When did you go to your first funeral?

I remember attending the funeral of a family friend when I was around fourteen. Before age fourteen, my parents didn't feel the need to drag me to every funeral and memorial service; presumably they left me with a babysitter or something.

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?

I've lived in the same general area most of my life. The first time I moved out of the area, I was twenty-four. I returned home a couple years later.

53. Who was your first grade teacher?

Miss Blake. She was pretty horrible, though to be frank my kindergarten teacher was worse.

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?

Disneyland? I'm going to say Disneyland. That sounds about right.

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?

Honestly, I don't think I ever snuck out of the house. Generally speaking, my parents gave me a decent-sized lead, without being too permissive. Since I usually exercised good judgment - as far as they knew, anyway - I was allowed to go out when I wanted to. And if there was something I knew they wouldn't want me doing, like going to a certain party, well, that was the night I told them I was going to a movie with a friend, and then staying over his house.

56. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?

My first best friend was a kid I met on the first day of kindergarten. We had a lot in common and spent much of our elementary school years hanging out together, and playing at each other's houses. Though we remained friends throughout junior high and high school, we didn't stay quite as close, likely owing to the fact that he was extremely studious and I was far less so. We're not still in touch; I assume he is a successful engineer or scientist, while I am a stay-at-home sex blogger.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents’ house?

I lived in a pretty nice two-bedroom apartment.

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?

I generally don't have the kind of bad day that requires an emotional decompression-via-telephone-call. If I need to bitch about something, such as the baby refusing to nap and thereby preventing me from perving to a friend's webcam, I text Jill.

59. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?

I've been a groomsman quite often, but the first wedding in which I participated was my cousin's when I was around twenty-two.

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning?

Since it is rare for me to wake before the baby does, I generally tend to her first: I get her dressed and feed her breakfast, and if you know how fastidious I am about personal hygiene, you know how much it pains me that I have to do any of these things before I take a shower.

61. What was the first concert you attended?

I took the girl I was dating - the one I cheated on, as detailed here - to a concert in 1991. It was a female R&B singer, and I am actually not surprised that I have no idea who.

62. First tattoo or piercing?

I've got neither of either.

63. First celebrity crush?

Possibly Julia Roberts? I had a huge crush on her when I was around fourteen or fifteen, mainly because she had yet to get naked on camera. I can't imagine that she was my first celebrity crush, but she's the person I immediately think of when someone says "celebrity crush."

Jill's Answers

36. Have you watched American Horror Story?

No. I'd love to have enough time to sit and watch it every week, along with Weeds, Breaking Bad, Dexter, Homeland, White Collar, and every other show that all of my friends say that I need to watch.

37. Baseball hat or toque?

Baseball hat. I don't usually wear them, but I can pull off a baseball hat a lot better than I can a toque.

38. Do you shampoo or soap up first in the shower?

I always shampoo first. I like to let the creme rinse sit in my hair while I wash the rest of my body.

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?

I put the toothpaste on the toothbrush and then I wet it. I don't like the feeling of dry toothpaste in my mouth.

40. Pen or pencil?

Pencil, unless it's a gel pen or Hi-Liter. I don't like writing with ball-point pens.

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino?

Hell yeah! I do pretty well, too.

42. Have you thrown up on a plane?

No.

43. Have you thrown up in a car?

Yes. I used to get car-sick a lot when I was little. I also threw up in a car once when I had gallstones, and occasionally when drunk. I might have done it when I was pregnant too.

44. Have you thrown up at work?

When I was pregnant I did. I think I did it once when I had the flu as well. I hope all this throwing up isn't a turn-off.

45. Do you scream on roller coasters?

Yeah, but out of excitement, never out of fear. I also hold my hands up the whole time.

46. How many shoes do you have?

At least forty, although now that we're moved into our new place I plan on weeding some out.

47. Who was your first roommate?

My brother was my first roommate. Until I was four years old (and he was five), we had bunk beds in the same room. If this doesn't count, I will go with a girl in college whose name I'd rather not give. She was from Southern California, and we were great friends.

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time?

I'm pretty sure it was beer. We were in high school, so you drank whatever you could get your hands on. But my parents were known for always having lots of alcohol on hand, so it could very well have been hard liquor.

49. What was your first job?

I babysat from the age of ten, for my younger siblings and neighborhood kids. My first payroll job was at a hot dog place at a local mall. But not the one where the girls wear multi-colored short shorts and funky hats and make lemonade with those weird pumps that look like pogo sticks.

50. What was your first car?

A white 1980 Toyota Corolla. It was a stick shift. Even though it was mine, I had to share it with my brother until he went away to college.

51. When did you go to your first funeral?

I was probably four or five, at the oldest. The first one I remember was about age four. It was my great-uncle.

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?

I moved away from my hometown for the first time at age seventeen, when I started college.

53. Who was your first grade teacher?

Mrs. Murasco. Spelling is approximate. She was also my favorite teacher. She used to let us clean the floor after school, and she'd give us pretzel sticks. If we got ten pretzel sticks, we could trade them for a hard candy. Or maybe a Hershey's Kiss or a Tootsie Roll or something. You know, maybe it was a reading group where this happened. I'm not sure what we got for picking up trash off the floor in Mrs. Murasco's class. Maybe it was punishment for something.

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?

I think we went to Oregon to visit my aunt and uncle.

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?

I probably snuck out to go to a party with my girlfriends. That was the best thing about having a ground-floor bedroom: The window opened silently and I could climb right out.

56. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?

My first best friend is the person we have referred to on this blog as P. We have known each other since the first grade, and although I don't consider her my best friend we are still pretty close and see each other often.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents’ house?

I lived in Zapotec Residence Hall at San Diego State University.

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?

I normally call Jack. Sometimes if I can't call, I text him, and he texts me back. Before long we're exchanging really filthy texts describing in great detail what we'd like to do to each other. That always brightens my day!

59. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?

My best friend.

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning?

I'd like to say that I take a shower first, but realitically the first thing I do is probably go to the bathroom.

61. What was the first concert you attended? I believe it was Sha Na Na at the Circle Star Theater in San Carlos, California.

62. First tattoo or piercing?

For my seventh birthday, my grandmother took me to J.C. Penney's to get my ears pierced. I remember they had a woman there who was or used to be a nurse, and she used to do the piercing. When I turned nineteen, my grandma took me to get my clit hood pierced.*

63. First celebrity crush?

Michael J. Fox or Kirk Cameron. Actually Scott Baio might have been the first, although he didn't have the longevity of the other two.

*This last part may be creative license on the part of the editor, i.e. Jack

Hey Newt: Call it What it is

2012-01-21T01:30:00.000-08:00

Our Formspring Friday post this week dealt with the issue of infidelity. In it, we mentioned that we have "unorthodox" views of monogamy. Although Jill and I are both commited to each other emotionally, and for the most part physically as well, we would consider ourselves "monogamish", to use a phrase coined by advice columnist and personal hero Dan Savage.

We acknowledge that physical monogamy is a difficult thing to maintain for life. We don't necessarily believe that human beings are wired for such a lifelong commitment. We believe that if less of a premium was placed on physical monogamy in relationships, there would be less divorce, less unhappiness, and what the hell, probably less war and aggression in general.

This brings me to the topic of Newt Gingrich, former House Speaker and current Republican presidential candidate stumbling toward the White House on a platform of - what else - family values (i.e. traditional marriage). While perusing EdenFantasys this morning, I stopped by SexIs and found an article pertaining to Gingrich and the recent allegations by his second wife Marianne that he requested an open marriage when she caught him having an affair with another woman.

It's no secret that Gingrich has been a bigger threat to his own marriages than gay marriage could ever be. By all accounts - other than those of Gingrich himself - he divorced his first wife while she was was in the hospital for the removal of a tumor, then married the woman with whom he'd been conducting an affair. Not quite twenty years later, the process repeated itself, this time with a different illness, and a different mistress. If the pattern repeats itself, and I imagine it will, Gingrich has already started an affair with the woman for whom he'll leave his third wife.

I note with some amusement that, while Gingrich was calling for the impeachment of Bill Clinton for lying under oath about his involvement with Monica Lewinsky, he himself was having an affair with a younger woman who wasn't his wife (yet). I understand the rationalization that allows Gingrich to believe that he is a better man than Clinton, that his offense was less severe simply because he hadn't been giving sworn testimony under oath. But Gingrich considers himself a man of God, and has admitted not only to his extramarital affairs, but in having them, failing to live up to God's standards.* If God exists, the thought that He would excuse Newt for not only lying to and cheating on his wife but also treating her with the care that one reserves for a Tonka truck because he wasn't under oath only solidifies my lack of faith.

During Thursday night's G.O.P. debate, Gingrich lashed out at moderator John King for daring to open with a question about Gingrich's alleged request for an open relationship. The audience cheered Gingrich's cagey response, even though as the article notes, the point of a debate is to answer sometimes difficult questions. Yes, there are many other issues to discuss during a presidential debate, but this is news, and it deserved to be addressed. Whether or not Gingrich's former wife is telling the truth - and based on what we know of him such a request is not beyond the realm of possibility - it could be said that Gingrich has invited such allegations by his past behavior.

His righteous indignation may have fooled those in the audience, but not me. I am of the opinion that when you have comported yourself in the manner that Gingrich has in his personal life while simultaneously besmirching the names of others who have done the same and then bewilderingly promoting yourself as a champion of family values, you don't get to act like a victim.

It takes much to offend me, but I can admit to taking some offense at Gingrich's proposal of an open marriage, and in particular, the circumstances in which it occurred. He didn't suggest that Marianne allow him to have sex with other women, and upon her refusal, carry on an affair anyway. This would have been bad enough. No, Gingrich asked for an open relationship when his wife discovered the affair - which had been ongoing for six years! I'll give the man credit for having balls.

But even had the arrangement been agreed to, an open marriage isn't something you ask for as a means of justifying six years of deceit. And it's certainly not an ultimatum you hang over the head of a partner, with divorce on the opposite side of the coin. As someone who would engage in an open marriage given the right set of circumstances, I don't appreciate Gingrich co-opting the term. Call it what it is, Newt: A vehicle to deliver you from a marriage you were no longer interested in sustaining.

*Apologies for the Fox News link. I hope it doesn't crash your browser.

-Jack

This post was sponsored by EdenFantasys.

Formspring Friday: Infidelity

2012-01-20T01:31:00.000-08:00

While we have quite a stockpile of questions to answer on Formspring, this one really jumped out at us. We have views of monogamy that some would consider unorthodox. At the same time, we are completely committed to one another emotionally. While cheating isn't really our style, neither of us would ever judge someone for cheating. Most people's relationships are none of our business.

We considered opening this post with a picture of Newt Gingrich, but decided not to go the political route despite the fact that Newt seems to be the epitome of the hypocritical cheating scumbag politician. Oh, fuck it; here he is:

Believes gay marriage is a threat to marriage itself, yet doesn't see the irony in being a serial cheater.

Have you ever cheated on a partner?

Jack's Answer

Yes, once. At age sixteen, I was in my first long-term relationship. Newly-relieved of my virginity, I was suddenly imbued with a newfound confidence. The summer after my junior year of high school, I found myself in Southern California for a few days, as one of my parents was attending a work-related seminar. Without much to do during the day, I met and befriended a girl whose parent was attending the same seminar. She was my own age or very close, her name lost to time. (This was nearly twenty years ago.)

She and I spent the first day hanging around the hotel, swimming in the pool and watching TV in her room. On the second day, we had sex. Unlike my girlfriend, who was sweet and very attractive but not quite as sexually imaginative as I would have liked, this girl was open-minded and experienced. She was the first person I ever did doggy style with. She's the first person who ever rode me in the reverse cowgirl position. And for that matter she was the first person who ever gave me oral sex. My girlfriend wasn't into any of these things.

Over the next three days, we had sex numerous times, in countless positions. We showered together. She asked to be spanked. She said that she enjoyed having her ass fingered. I didn't indulge her on that one, as she never requested it of me, just mentioned that she was into it, and being sixteen I was too stupid to take the hint. Beyond that, we talked about our lives, discussed our favorite movies, as well as the music we liked. We went out to lunch. It was nice. I never felt anything beyond physical attraction to her, but I acknowledged that she was someone I could have considered a friend, and if we lived closer - and for that matter if I wasn't in a relationship already - perhaps something deeper might have blossomed. But when I left L.A. after the seminar there was no exchange of phone numbers, no promises to keep in touch. I don't even think there was a good-bye.

I had enjoyed the tryst; it was sexually gratifying and it left me with the sort of ego boost a geeky, sometimes awkward sixteen-year-old often needs. But I knew that what I had done amounted to a flagrant violation of the trust that my girlfriend had in me. Rather than unburdening myself to her, I kept silent. I'd used condoms with the other girl, and the sex had been meaningless, so I reasoned that there was no point in upsetting her. I found that this justified my not telling her. In reality, however, I felt remendously guilty over my transgression.

My girlfriend attended a different high school than I did, and our relationship was such that we didn't see each other every day, or even talk on the phone every night. It was 1993; cell phones weren't the sort of thing that teenagers commonly possessed, and text messaging was about a decade away from being a familiar concept to most people. I'd just gotten my first pager, but my girlfriend didn't page me much as she didn't want her parents to know that I had it, ostensibly because because pagers were associated with drug dealers at the time.

In time, my guilt gave way to paranoia that she would somehow find out, but she never did. Ironically, I indignantly broke up with her around a year later, after she admitted to having cheated on me. This probably wasn't my finest hour.

Jill's Answer

I had been dating a guy for a few months. He was extremely self-centered, and the kind of person whose only compliments were backhanded. I didn't like him all that much, actually, but his friend was dating my friend, and his and my relationship sprung up out of convenience. I guess he was pretty good in bed.

We'd gone to his friend's house to hang out and drink. It was him and I, the friend whose place it was, and a few others. My boyfriend spent the whole night ignoring me while he socialized with everyone else. His friend, on the other hand, was showing me plenty of attention. We began to flirt back and forth, aided and abetted by lots of alcohol. Eventually we ran out, and my boyfriend offered to walk to a nearby liquor store to get some more. While he was gone, the flirtation continued.

My boyfriend returned from the liquor store with a couple bottles of Jack Daniels, which he knew I didn't like. (I still don't. I would much rather drink vodka than whisky.) I decided to have some anyway, if only to spite him. When my boyfriend pointed out that I don't drink Jack Daniels, I said, "Tonight I do," and spent the next couple hours drinking Jack and Coke.

The bathroom had two doors, one leading to the hallway and the other leading to the bedroom. I had gone to use the bathroom, and when I was finished my boyfriend's friend came in from his bedroom. He pretended that he didn't realize I was in there, but quickly shut the door behind him. He came over and kissed me, and I kissed him back. I got very wet, not only because the friend excited me, but because I felt like I was getting back at my asshole boyfriend. In seconds we were making out, and although I wanted things to go further right there in the bathroom, he eventually snuck back out through his bedroom. My boyfriend had no idea.

We flirted back and forth for the rest of the evening. As we were leaving his house, I gave him a hug good-bye. He used this opportunity to whisper that I should come back later, and as soon as I dropped my boyfriend off at home I returned. We had sex all night, and the friend was even better than my boyfriend was. Not only that, but he appreciated me in ways my boyfriend never did. He did things to my body that my boyfriend never could. When the sun came up, I was a sweaty, quivering mess on the floor of his bedroom, satisfied in every possible way. But so was he.

Eventually someone told my boyfriend that the other guy and I had been in the bathroom together the night of the party. By then, of course, he and I had hooked up a few times. My boyfriend said that he thought we should see other people. I told him that I already was.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog. We like sexy questions!

The Naughty Hangout: Move-In Madness

2012-01-19T00:42:00.000-08:00

This week, the main theme for The Naughty Hangout was "Zany". If we weren't in the middle of a move, we might have come up with a really spectacular picture that fit the theme. Since we couldn't, we decided to use one of the other themes. What better way to sum up our lives over the past week or two than "Chaos"? But don't take my word for it. Our photo for this week depicts me lying in a three-foot-high pile of clothing that we brought from our old house to our new house.

We hope that by next week things have settled down a bit and we can come up with something more imaginative for the theme.

Head over to The Naughty Hangout and see who else participated this week!

-Jill

Retro HNT: Getting Ready

2012-01-18T00:05:00.000-08:00

"Getting Ready", posted February 18, 2010

TMI Tuesday: January 17, 2012 - Hoo Doo

2012-01-17T00:58:00.000-08:00

Happy TMI Tuesday. Let’s play Hoo Doo (Who Do?). Answer the following questions and elaborate as you wish. Your answers can be real and truthful, fun and flirty, or crazy and whacky.

Who or Who(m) do you want to:

Jack's Answers

1. Play naked twister with?
There are many women with whom I'd enjoy a randy game of naked Twister. In fact, there are far too many to list. Because of this, and because I am paranoid about upsetting one of my many sexy online friends by omitting her name from said list, I'm going to cop out and say that if you've got boobs and I've ever flirted with you (or in some cases, even if I haven't), I would play naked Twister with you. While you had your right foot on blue and your left hand on green, and I had my left foot on yellow and my cock on red, I would be tumescent from anticipation of the sex that would follow.

2. Love?
Strange question. I want to love my wife and my daughter, as well as certain of my relatives and close friends. Accordingly, I do love them. After all, it's not as though loving someone is something one usually aspires to; if someone wishes to love another person, he or she frequently just does it.

3. Excites you beyond belief?
As written, this question reads, "Who or Who(m) do you want to excites you beyond belief?" I presume that this question should have read "Who or Who(m) excites you beyond belief?" so I will answer it as though that was how it was written. The person who excites me beyond belief is Jill, because she is the most exciting woman I've ever met. I can't even wrap my head around how much she turns me on, and that's pretty much the definition of "beyond belief."

4. Enjoy ass play with?
I guess it depends on what is meant specifically by the term "ass play". Are we talking about rimming? Fingering? Fisting? Full-on anal sex? For the purposes of answering this question I'm going to rule out pegging, as it's not really my preferred form of ass play (sorry, ladies). Regardless of the specific variety of ass play, I'm going to go with Rick Santorum. I'm not into guys, especially hate-filled right-wing lunatics who consider homosexuality akin to bestiality and child sexual abuse. And I really don't want the entire world, especially Jill's parents, to have to hear or read all the sordid details of a same-sex extra-marital dalliance in which I've been involved. But it would be so worth it to play a role in shaming the former senator from Pennsylvania in front of his supporters, and hopefully killing any future political aspirations he may have. In fact, when I was done with Santorum, I'd move on to Romney, Gingrich and Perry, just in case.

5. Shower with?
I've got a female friend I've known since childhood. Don't misunderstand; just because she's been a friend for decades, that doesn't mean I can't or don't have sexual feelings for her. In our twenties, we used to be gym buddies, and would work out together once or twice a week. When the workout was over, she went into the women's locker room, and I went into the men's locker room. I wouldn't have minded going into the same locker room, taking a steamy shower with her, making out under the hot spray, and ideally fingering her clit until she came, biting down on my shoulder to stifle her cries. (Incidentally, the answer to #1 applies here: If you've got boobs and I've ever flirted with you [or in some cases, even if I haven't], I would like to shower with you.)

6. Undress?
Jill's friend P, who we hot tubbed with on New Year's Eve. Of Jill's three closest friends, she is the one who I haven't seen naked, or been in some sort of near-sexual situation with. She's attractive, has a beautiful body, and hopefully once she was naked she would return the favor, and then gaze lovingly at my cock, compliment its girth, and make it touch the back of her throat.

7. Rim?
Didn't question #4 already pertain to the ass? I'm not engaging in ass play without rimming beforehand. It's just common courtesy.

8. Elope with?
No one, thanks. I'm happily married, and while there is no shortage of people I would like to kiss, make out with, get naked with, shower with, take a bath with, get oral sex from, give oral sex to, fist, fuck, cum in, and cum on, I'm certain I will not be eloping with any of them.

Bonus: Who do you want to wake up in the arms of? Why?
I'm going with Jill. Yeah, I know, I already wake up in her arms. But I want to forever. I trust that "Why?" is not a question that requires answering.

Jill's Answers

1. Play naked twister with?
The more the merrier! Twister is the kind of game that's more fun with a crowd, so it stands to reason that it's even more fun when the crowd is naked. There's something about a sexy tangle of naked bodies, whether they're on a bed or a Twister mat, that gets me hot.

2. Love?
I love Jack, our daughter, and our family and friends.

3. Excites you beyond belief?
Jack excites me beyond belief. Lots of men and women turn me on, but I've never been turned on by anyone to the extent that I am by Jack. He can turn me on with a touch, a smile, or even just a look. All it takes is a wink and not only am I soaking wet, but my heart swells with love, desire, and contentment.

4. Enjoy ass play with?
Anyone who knows what he or she is doing would be fine with me. That means asking for permission, and when it's granted, using lube and going at a pace that I find comfortable.

5. Shower with?
I'd love to take a shower with our Twitter friend and former blogger 13messages, because he sometimes takes sexy pictures of himself in the shower, and it always looks very inviting. Plus I bet he'd have no trouble getting those hard-to-reach spots on my lower back.

6. Undress?
My old college roommate's husband would be fun to undress, especially if it leads to sex. Even if it doesn't, I would love to see him naked because according to his wife he has a beautiful, thick cock. I've actually come very close to seeing it. How hot would it be if I finally got to see it after stripping off all his clothes?

7. Rim?
I've never rimmed anybody before. I'm not saying that I wouldn't, just that I can't think of anyone whose asshole I might like to lick. I've looked at lots of men and thought, "I would probably suck his cock." I've never looked at a man or woman and thought, "I'd probably rim this person."

8. Elope with?
I'm already married. I'm not eloping with anybody. When we were planning our wedding, though, it did occur to Jack and I that it would have been quicker, easier, and cheaper to just elope. Then again, it wouldn't have been as much fun.

Bonus: Who do you want to wake up in the arms of? Why?
I love waking up in Jack's arms. I get a euphoric feeling when I feel his embrace and realize that he is holding me protectively, his warm body against mine. But once in awhile I would love to wake up in the arms of a beautiful woman. Bonus points if Jack is there too. I've experienced this once, and I want to do it again, as soon as possible.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Moving Monday

2012-01-16T00:05:00.000-08:00

We are way behind on our blog reading, but we have a very good reason. We spent this entire weekend moving into a new house. Anyone who follows us on Twitter probably knows how busy we've been. We haven't finished moving all of our things, but as of Sunday night we are officially living at our new address.

This picture was inspired by Moving Day, a picture we posted at The Other HNT in September 2010.

-Jill

Sunday Stealing: The Neverending Meme, Part 2

2012-01-15T01:43:00.000-08:00

Today we ripped off a blogger named Tense Teacher of the blog Tense for a Reason. (Yes we know that we've ripped her off not so long ago as well. It's pretty amazing since she stopped posting in 2007. But that's where we live as a thief). Also, it's long so we'll do it in parts. She does not say where she got it from. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player's posts. It's a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack's Answers

21. Did you go to your high school prom?
No. Junior year I had surgery and was out for a pretty dramatic length of time, so much so that several people wrote "I thought you died" in my yearbook. Senior year I opted to go to Hawaii instead. But I did
attend homecoming.

22. Perfect time to wake up?
When I'm finished sleeping.

23. Perfect time to go to bed?
Unlike the previous question, this one deserves a more straightforward answer. I am a night person, and have been one all my life. I think the reason I stay up so late is because I need to feel like I've accomplished something before I can rest. Some nights that may be completing another chapter in my ongoing writing project. Other nights it may be seeing a movie I've had for awhile but haven't gotten around to watching, cleaning up or organizing something, or some manner of household project. Lately, it's frequently this blog that keeps me up late.

24. Do you use your queen right away in chess?
I play chess seldom enough that I can get away with saying that I don't play chess. In fact, I play chess seldom enough that have no idea at which point in the game I use my queen, or for that matter why a player might use his or her queen so early.

25. Ever been in a car accident?
Just a few minor fender benders. Nothing too disastrous. When I was a kid, my mom's car was hit one morning by a driver pulling out of his or her driveway as we were passing. In my early twenties I backed into another car in a parking lot. Stuff like that.

26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither?
We answered this one in a recent post entitled "Tag! You're It." The answer I gave then, which still applies a week and a half later, is:

My mom, who stayed home to raise me when I was a child. As I now stay home to raise my own daughter, I hope that she and I will have a similarly close relationship.

27. What age is this exciting life over for you?
Upon reading this question on Saturday afternoon, I immediately tweeted that I didn't understand the wording. A discussion with various Twitter friends yielded two possible explanations: (a) At what age will you die?, and (b) When will the exciting part of your life be over? I'll answer both. (a) How the hell should I know?, and (b) I don't think my life will ever cease to be exciting. In fact, although I had more than my share of excitement in my younger days, I think as I've gotten older the excitement has persisted, and perhaps even grown more profound.

28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
I'll say the 1970s, because Dazed and Confused made it look awesome. On the other hand, if the question had not specified the century, I would have said the 2000s or the 2010s, as I imagine that the ability to instantaneously send and/or receive naked pictures via smartphone would have completely recolored my entire high school experience.

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
My black and white high-top Chuck Taylors. I've owned a few pairs over the years, but my current pair is definitely my favorite.

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
Yes, a couple caps and neckties. I'm sure that I no longer fit into the vast majority of the clothing that I wore in high school, although there's probably an ancient shirt or two still hanging in a closet at my mom's house.

31. Were you in track and field?
No. I didn't do much in high school beyond show up, (occasionally) attend class, eat lunch and go home.

32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
I want to say that I was in a talent show in elementary school, though I have no idea what talent I might have demonstrated, or in fact whether this actually occurred. In my early childhood I was more likely to come up with some sort of extravagant stage show that I would perform at home for my parents. God, I was a dork.

33. Have you ever written in a library book?
No. I look upon writing in a book - at least one not designed to be written in - the way some look upon desecrating the bible or the American flag. I'm sure there was a period in my childhood wherein I might have scribbled in a book or two - my daughter certainly expresses her artistic side in this fashion, much to Jill's and my dismay - but generally speaking I knew that books were for reading, not for writing in, and I most certainly wouldn't have defaced in this manner a book that didn't belong to me.

34. Allergic to?
Bullshit and whining. Please don't attempt to subject me to either of these things.

35. Favorite fruit?
Tough choice. I think I'll go with the benevolent peach. I'm not sure why; it's probably not even in my top five. But a peach really sounds good right now.

Jill's Answers

21. Did you go to your high school prom?
Yes. I went with a group of friends. We had a great time, and we all ended up crashing at a friend's house afterwards.

22. Perfect time to wake up?
Ten o'clock. I usually go to bed well after midnight, and waking up at ten o'clock would give me at least eight hours of sleep. Which I never get.

23. Perfect time to go to bed?
I would say eleven o'clock. I would love to be able to get to bed before midnight, but that almost never happens because I have a baby who doesn't like to sleep, and when I finally manage to get her down, that's my only opportunity to do things that need to be done around the house, including sex.

24. Do you use your queen right away in chess?
No. I don't want anyone to take my queen, so I protect her in order to use her longer.

25. Ever been in a car accident?
Yes. I've been rear ended a few times (go ahead, make jokes), and once while in stop and go traffic I bumped the car ahead of me.

26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither?
I'm closer to my mom, especially since I've become a mom myself. Now I find myself asking my mother for advice much more often than I ever did before.

27. What age is this exciting life over for you?
I have no idea what this question means, exactly. It almost seems like this question was written in a foreign language and then translated poorly to English. Jack suggests that the question might be asking when the excitement of life will end for me. I don't think it ever will end. I plan on finding excitement in life forever, and where there isn't any, I will make my own excitement.

28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
I would have chosen the 1950s. It seems like a fun time. Haven't you seen Happy Days? People spent their afternoons hanging out at the soda shop and dancing. Sign me up.

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
Probably my flip flops. They are totally comfortable, supportive, and easy to slip on and off. Despite the fact that I own a lot of really cute and sexy shoes, I really hate wearing anything on my feet.

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
Yes, my high school uniform. The only reason I still own it is because all of my friends signed it on the last day of school. It's been in storage for years.

31. Were you in track and field?
No. I played softball instead.

32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
No. Although I was, and still am, very talented, I was way too shy back then.

33. Have you ever written in a library book?
No I haven't, although I have written in college textbooks that I owned.

34. Allergic to?
Nothing, as far as I know.

35. Favorite fruit?
I love so many that it's hard to decide on one single fruit, but I'll say watermelon. It's sweet, juicy, and refreshing. Watermelon always reminds me of summer.

Sinful Sunday: On the Balcony

2012-01-15T00:46:00.000-08:00

We've been here before. I remember the cool night air on my skin. I remember the quiet chirp of the crickets. I remember the way your body felt against mine. I remember your hands on my hips.

I'm waiting for you.

(Click!)

Facial Expression

2012-01-14T02:26:00.000-08:00

Jack says that the longest distance he's ever traveled is the two feet from my pussy to my face.

It's not that far a distance, actually, but it seems like miles when he's a second away from cumming and he's trying to reach my mouth. About sixty-five percent of the time when we're having sex, I take Jack in my mouth as he cums. It's really exciting for both of us, I love the way he tastes, and since he enjoys being stimulated through his orgasm, I usually manage to keep him hard so that, time permitting, we can have another round.

Twenty-five of the remaining thirty-five percent of the time, Jack cums on me. If we're doing doggy-style, he usually cums on my ass or down my back. If we're doing missionary, he cums on my stomach or my breasts. I like the way it feels, and when it's on my breasts I find it fun to play with. Plus I can usually coax him into the shower with me.

The remaining ten percent of the time, Jack cums inside me. Hearing him groan with release and feeling him collapse against me as he fills me up is the pinnacle of closeness and pleasure, and although I am on birth control we are definitely not ready for baby #2. Thus ever since our daughter was born, having Jack cum inside me has become a sort of "special occasion" treat. I loved the year between when we started trying to conceive and when our daughter was born, because he pumped a lot of cum into me.

One thing we don't do all that often, though, are facials. It's not that I find them degrading, personally. (As much as I enjoy it when he cums on my breasts or my ass, I don't think I could get away with claiming degradation when he cums on my face anyway.) We don't do facials much because neither one of us really sees the point of them. Sure, a lot of guys find it hot to see the face of their lover drenched in cum, but if Jack is that close to my mouth, I'm probably just going to have him cum in my mouth.

I once dated a guy who liked giving facials because he felt that a woman letting him cum on her face was the ideal declaration of acceptance. While this is certainly sweeter than it would be if he got off on demeaning women, I never understood how a facial could express acceptance better than swallowing. I came across this article on Jezebel, entitled, "He Wants to Jizz on Your Face, but Not Why You Think".

"Facials are degrading — and that's why they're so hot." So says America's leading sex columnist Dan Savage about the act of ejaculating semen on to someone's face. But the appeal of the facial can't be summed up with that single term. Rather, this act that's become the standard coda in porn is about much more than the longing to dominate or humiliate a sex partner. Understanding what makes it such a ubiquitous trope in adult movies (and in people's private sexual lives) means understanding a particularly male longing for acceptance.

Anti-pornography activists like Gail Dines and Robert Jensen agree with at least Savage's first three words; in recent works, both have cited the growing popularity of the "facial" as proof of the misogyny of mainstream pornography. On the other end of the ideological spectrum, sex-positive feminist Clarisse Thorn wrote for Jezebel in May that "facials feel really degrading to me." Despite their divergent politics, Savage, Dines, Jensen and Thorn all use the same word - "degrading" - for facials, providing a strikingly rare example of consensus in contemporary sex writing.

The facial has a relatively recent history. In an interview, sex educator Charlie Glickman told me that early stag movies never showed ejaculation; if men ejaculated at all, they did so inside women's bodies. (It's remarkable that the porn that still features ejaculation in the vagina is now a relatively small niche known as "creampie.") That changed in the 1970s, when porn movies became longer, scripted features with bigger budgets. Since there would be more than one sex romp in the film, external ejaculation was the mark that a specific scene had ended. Porn historian Linda Williams compares this to the way that songs were spaced out in Hollywood musicals, with kitschy dialogue in between the showcase numbers that were the centerpieces of the films. But in the ‘70s and ‘80s, most of these ejaculations were onto backs, butts, or breasts — hardly ever onto faces.

Glickman suggests that the AIDS crisis and the concern with safer sex was what made the facial popular. "Cum on me, not in me" was a popular sex educator slogan as far back as the late 1980s. Ejaculating on a woman's stomach, however, usually meant that the camera wouldn't let the audience see the actress' expression. But if the male actor came on her face, the viewer could see two things at once: evidence of male pleasure (symbolized by the ejaculation) and the equally important sign that a woman's reaction to that pleasure mattered. With sex now so dangerous — and HIV particularly likely to be spread through semen — facials were relatively "safe." But in the era of AIDS, they were also compelling visual evidence that a woman wasn't threatened by a man's semen. In that sense facials were, almost from the start, more about women's acceptance of men's bodies than about women's degradation.

The sheer amount of porn featuring facial cumshots is so vast that it's impossible to imagine an exhaustive analysis of all of it. But two things seem clear. First, as Megan Andelloux (founder and director of Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health) noted in an interview with me, questions from college students about facials have risen dramatically in recent years. This isn't something people are just watching porn stars do; it's something a lot of young men (and some young women) want to try themselves. Second, as Glickman — a former adult film reviewer —pointed out, a lot more straight porn features women happily accepting facials than reacting with disgust and evident humiliation. That acceptance may be feigned, but it suggests that the primary turn-on about facials for men isn't the desire to degrade women. (Glickman further suggested that the fact that facials are also so common in gay male pornography – where the sexual politics are radically different – argues against the assumption that coming on someone's face is rooted in men's misogyny.)

A few years ago, in a humanities course on the body, my class was discussing one of the most famous selections from the now-iconic Vagina Monologues, "Because He Liked to Look at It". The monologue tells the story of a woman who thought her vagina was "incredibly ugly" until she meets a man named Bob, who loves to stare at —and taste — her vulva with delight and wonder. Bob's embrace of her body is the key to her self-acceptance. During our discussion of the monologue, a male student noted bravely that he thought many men felt the same way about their penises. Perhaps, he suggested, the intense appeal of facials in porn (and real life) was about men's desire for that same experience of being validated as desirable, as good, as "not dirty." For a young man raised with the sense that his body – and especially his penis – is "disgusting", a woman's willingness to accept a facial is an intensely powerful source of affirmation.

In my conversations with Glickman and Andelloux, I shared this anecdote. Both agreed that rather than seeing the facial as rooted in the impulse to denigrate, it might indeed be better to view it as longing for approval. Andelloux pointed out that in her experience, many women (often with good reason) have a difficult time believing that degradation isn't at the root of straight men's fascination with facials. In any case, humiliation and affirmation aren't incompatible reactions to the same act; a feeling of indignity when your partner ejaculates on your face isn't contingent on his intending to demean you. No one should be obligated to endure humiliation for the sake of someone else's longing for validation.

At the same time (as perhaps with anal sex), many people struggle to believe that receiving a facial is something a woman could enjoy. Andelloux told me a story about a seminar she ran recently on a college campus during which a young woman shared that she experienced her first orgasm when her boyfriend came on her face. "Nothing else that was said that day shocked the audience so much. I could tell a lot of people didn't believe her. But I did." Andelloux remarked that some other women reacted with hostility, "as if by admitting a liking for facials, she was committing an act of violence against other women." In the era of porn wars, perhaps not even anal sex is as politicized as the question of where the ejaculate lands.

That classroom discussion about facials and the Vagina Monologues had an unforgettable finish. A female student turned to the guy who'd brought up the topic of semen and validation and asked him, "So you're saying that when a man comes on a woman's face, it's not about making her dirty — it's about making him feel clean?" The young man blushed, the class tittered. "Yes," he said, "that's it. And that's what makes it so hot."

Hugo Schwyzer is a professor of gender studies and history at Pasadena City College and a nationally-known speaker on sex, relationships, and masculinity. You can see more of his work at his eponymous site.

I have a problem with the suggestion made by anti-pornography activists that the facial is proof of the misogyny of mainstream porn. Beyond Charlie Glickman's argument that facials occur in gay male porn, I can say as a longtime porn viewer that I've definitely seen more scenes in which women happily accept facials than I have scenes in which the tone is one of malice, force, or degradation.

I am willing to acknowledge that, as stated in the comment section following the article, some porn films feature rape scenes in which a woman goes from struggling victim to willing participant, and accordingly there are probably porn films wherein a woman gleefully receives a facial because, as one commenter suggests, she wants the degradation, or else because her willingness serves to enhance her partner's pleasure.

However, given all that we know about the varied spectrum of human sexuality, I find it unconscionable to assert that no woman could possibly feel aroused by such an act of submission, or that what excites or arouses any one individual is somehow tantamount to the betrayal of an entire gender. The hostile reactions of the women in Megan Andelloux's seminar, described in the article, are upsetting to me because, while I understand that all humans are different and have differing tastes, I will not make excuses for the things, sexual or otherwise, that I enjoy.

Why pick on facials? Is the act of taking a face-full of semen any more controversial than much of what goes on in mainstream porn these days? Too often lately, it seems like actresses in porn films are being directed to look disgusted, or even afraid. Or, possibly, they look this way because this is genuinely how they feel while performing. Either way, it doesn't turn me on to watch an actress who doesn't look like she is enjoying every minute.

One thing in mainstream porn that squicks me a lot more than facials is all the spitting. I'm not the sort of person who goes out of her way to be negative, but I'll gladly watch a scene with a facial long before I ever watch a scene in which a guy spits all over a woman's pussy, or worse, her face. Sorry, I've got a thing about spit. It just grosses me out. And unlike facials, I can't watch a guy spit on a woman without feeling like she's being degraded.

Is the degradation part of the appeal of facials? I suppose that for some givers as well as some recipients, likely including those who practice BDSM, it is. However, the article calls facials "compelling visual evidence that a woman [isn't] threatened by a man's semen." In light of this, could facials somehow be seen as empowering?

I can also buy the acceptance factor as well. It is perfectly understandable that a man might appreciate a woman who is willing, or perhaps even eager, to do something traditionally viewed as demeaning. What might once have been seen almost universally as a method of achieving dominance over someone is now seen by some as the ultimate gesture of love and intimacy.

Of course, I think it's much more of a gesture to just swallow.

-Jill

Flash Fiction Friday: Fantasy Mirrors Desire

2012-01-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

(Image provided by David; artist, Helmut Newton, title unknown)

Julia took his hand in hers and swayed to the music.

"I'm so glad you came back," she said, leaning in for a kiss. His mouth opened on hers, the dance of their tongues mimicking the movement of their bodies.

Their kiss broke. "I couldn't stay away. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life."

"Give me one good reason why I should take you back," she said playfully, their mouths coming together again. His hands found her zipper and sent her dress falling to the floor.

"You're the only woman I've ever wanted," he said breathlessly, and lowered his mouth to her breast.

As he licked and sucked, pleasure washed over her and she had to fight the urge to drag him to the master bedroom and have her way with him atop the silken sheets. No...not yet. After what he pulled, he was going to have to earn it.

It was hours later that she understood that he was still gone. Her mind, cracked and failing, sometimes painted the only picture that she could stand to see. (180)

-Jack

Behind the Scenes:

This is the first Erotic Flash Fiction Friday since December 9. Unlike some previous weeks, I knew exactly what my story would be about as soon as I saw the prompt photo. I wrote it in about ten minutes on Thursday afternoon after giving the requirements a cursory glance on Tuesday.

Many of the details in the prompt photo helped to shape the direction of my story. The picture on the wall appears to depict a man, and I considered that this is a past lover for whom the naked woman is pining. The wooden crates in the room, one under the bed and another beside the bed and used as a nightstand, imply poverty, or at the very least an unconventional sense of style.

There is a small stack of what appear to be newspapers on the floor beside the bed, and despite the size I fancied that there are many more out of frame. That she might be a hoarder implied a disconnection from reality which, coupled with her closeness to the mirror gave my story direction. The "hoarder" angle never really took flight, as neither the depicted room nor the woman demonstrate the squalor and lack of upkeep I associate with extreme cases of hoarding.

I was hoping to avoid using this week's required phrase, "cracked and failing", to describe Julia's mental state. To me, that seemed cliche. I considered using it to describe the mirror, something that could certainly be cracked, though the idea of the mirror "failing" seemed a stretch. As a last-ditch attempt to ascribe the phrase to something else, I considered that the ceiling was "cracked and failing" as it would further the idea that Julia's room was as far from the master bedroom of her delusions and, unlike a mirror, I could see both adjectives being applied to a ceiling. Still, I had neither room nor inspiration to go that route, and in the end the phrase was applied to Julia's damaged mind.

Deleted Scenes:

This is one of the few instances - if not the only instance - in which I wrote a fairly tight story without a lot of chaff in need of trimming in order to fit the word limit. In fact, I managed to stay eight words shy of the maximum for this week, never once going over. I'm sure that, if necessary, I could come up with some additional details I would add if the word limit was, say, three-hundred: Background on the romance and whatever led to the end of it, as well as details of Julia's deteriorating mental state. But there is absolutely nothing that I wanted to write beforehand and couldn't fit.

Soundtrack:

While writing this story, I was listening to Pink Floyd's 1968 instrumental Careful With that Axe, Eugene. It seems to provide a fitting backdrop to Julia's delusions.

Formspring Friday: Sexy Attire

2012-01-13T00:05:00.000-08:00

This week, we're answering two similar questions.

What article of clothing makes you feel the sexiest when you wear it and why? Pictures...?

and

Favorite item of clothing you like to see the other in?

Jack's Answer:

I like to dress formally. I'm a stay-at-home Dad who is self-employed in a field that doesn't require business casual attire, much less a suit; therefore dressing up, while not exactly a rarity, isn't a daily or even weekly event. But I love the way I look in a suit, especially one with pinstripes. In fact, when I get dressed up for a wedding I am usually wracked with guilt over the possibility of showing up the groom and his groomsmen.

While I would love to extoll the virtues of Jill's silk bathrobe, her thigh-high fishnet stockings, her fuck-me boots, or even the New England Patriots T-shirt she wears around the house or while working out, she has one thong that I love above all others. If I'm seeing her in it, it means we're likely about to have sex and I'm already in the mood, but in the event that I somehow wasn't, this sexy piece of lingerie would fix that.

Jill's Answer:

I have a black negligee with a hint of pink that I absolutely love. It has a matching thong, and it appears in several of my favorite HNT pictures. It looks very flattering on me. It's sexy and feminine, and it makes me feel pretty and desirable. I like to wear it with either my sexy high heels, or my favorite pair of of fuck-me boots.

As for Jack, he looks sexy in anything, from jeans and a T-shirt to running shorts and a tank top. Because he dresses casually around the house, I really take notice when he cleans up. Anytime he's wearing slacks and a dress shirt, especially if we're at a wedding or some other formal event, I spend the whole night imagining tearing off his clothes and jumping him. It really turns me on.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog. We like sexy questions!

The Naughty Hangout: Lifting Weights

2012-01-12T00:05:00.000-08:00

This week's theme for The Naughty Hangout is "Health". Because so many of us overindulge during the holidays, now is the time to focus on getting back into shape. One of my favorite ways of doing this is by lifting weights.

We thought of a few different interpretations for this particular theme involving Band-Aids, a jump rope, fresh produce, and a thermometer. (Sorry, it was an oral thermometer.) In the end, this one did the best job conveying the theme while still being naughty.

Head over to The Naughty Hangout and see who else participated this week!
-Jill

Retro HNT: Going For It

2012-01-11T00:02:00.000-08:00

"Going For It", posted February 11, 2010

We posted fifty-two straight weeks of pictures at OHNT in 2010. We're posting them on our blog, one per week. They can be found here, along with all the comments we received.

TMI Tuesday: January 10, 2012

2012-01-10T00:05:00.000-08:00

****MATURE CONTENT: This post is for adults only. Visit another Tuesday when things aren’t so sexy, if you are uncomfortable with sexuality.****

[Obviously the above copy is from the TMI Tuesday blog, and not ours. This whole blog is for adults only. If you are uncomfortable with sexuality, you probably aren't reading this.]

Today’s TMI Tuesday was inspired by my friends at Infidelity Chronicles.

All about the wedding tackle, twig & berries, pole, fire hose, skin flute, dipstick, meat thermometer or what we all know as the penis.

Jack's Answers

1. What’s more important – length or width? Why?

Having never been on the receiving end, I will apply my answer to vaginas rather than penii. In my opinion length or width, while important, vary from person to person. Ultimately what matters is that it be able to accomodate what I'm trying to fit inside, whether it's my cock, my fist, a twelve-inch latex dildo, or a brick of heroin that I need to smuggle through customs.

2. Ever encountered one that was too big for you to handle?

I'm not in the habit of handling (or even encountering) penii, other than my own. And while mine is sufficient to get the job done, it's certainly not the sort of thing for which I require a spotter.

3. Best place to put a penis?

My favorite place to put my penis is inside of a vagina (specifically Jill's, though I'm not the sort to knock the vaginas of others). I also really enjoy putting my penis into a mouth, while an ass and a hand are very cozy places for it as well.

4. If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?

As this week's TMI Tuesday seems to be aimed mainly at women, I took this question to mean that I only had my penis for a single day. Were that the case, I would miss it for the rest of my life.

Penis Envy: Largest penis in the animal kingdom is 11 feet (blue whale)

Moby and Carl's romance was frowned upon by both of their families.

5. You’re a penis, which love canal (that’s a vagina) would you most like to visit:

a. short and shallow

b. fall into the gap, gliding smoothly along the slick walls

c. tight suction lip-lock

d. none, I prefer the back door thank you

Option "A" probably wouldn't be the best match for me, and I'm not sure what Option "B" means, exactly. Based on the specific wording it sounds like I'm trying to navigate a sewer tunnel in the dark and I tripped. So I'll go with Option "C".

Bonus: What is the perfect name for your penis or a penis you use often?

I've never named my penis. I've always found the idea of naming sex parts a bit unnecessary, much like using flavored body lotion or lube. I don't need anything nonsexual to distract me from what's happening; if I'm eating pussy I don't want it to taste like strawberries. If someone's worshipping my cock, there's no reason to call it lovable furry old Grover. An old girlfriend once came up with a silly name for my penis which has fortunately been lost to time. Of course, if I was forced to refer to my penis by some sort of amusing name, I'd go with Chewbacca. Like the famous Wookiee, my penis is intimidating, hairy, and has been known to rip people's arms out of their sockets when angry.

The above isn't even one of the top five geekiest things I've written here.

World Penis Size Map: Where would you like to visit? click

Based on the information at the link, I'll go with Thailand, where I would be considered a god.

Jill's Answers

1. What’s more important – length or width? Why?

I'd love to answer both, because I do enjoy length and width. I've been with guys who were wide, as well as guys who were long, and I've been with guys who were both. Of course, neither length nor width matter if he doesn't know how to use what he's got. If I absolutely had to choose one or the other, I would go with width, because to me there's nothing like that feeling of being filled so completely.

2. Ever encountered one that was too big for you to handle?

I've never encountered one that was too big for me to handle, but I have encountered a guy who decided to stick it in my ass without warning or lube. So it wasn't an issue of size, it was an issue of user error.

3. Best place to put a penis?

That's a tough one, because I don't have a penis, and I can't answer this from the perspective of the owner. As the recipient, though, I would probably say in my vagina, although I love having a penis in my mouth and my ass as well.

4. If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?

If I only had it for one day, I would go crazy trying to stick it in as many orifices as possible. That might sound crazy, but I've only got it for the day, and I want to experience as many pussies, mouths and asses as I could. Also, I would like to see what it's like to pee standing up. [Editor's note: While reading the last part of her answer to me, Jill stood up, and mimed firing a crotch-level machine gun, complete with sound effects.]

Penis Envy: Largest penis in the animal kingdom is 11 feet (blue whale)

In the animal kingdom gym locker room, elephants won't get undressed if there are blue whales present.

5. You’re a penis, which love canal (that’s a vagina) would you most like to visit:
a. short and shallow
b. fall into the gap, gliding smoothly along the slick walls
c. tight suction lip-lock
d. none, I prefer the back door thank you
Tight suction lip-lock sounds really good. I don't know if I would like "short and shallow", because if I was a penis I'd probably be on the large side and I would want to be able to get all the way in. I'm not really sure what "fall into the gap..." means, maybe because I don't have a penis and I've never done that before, so that's out. And while I would probably try the back door, I prefer pussy so that would be my first priority if I was a penis. So I would go with the suction cup, or whatever the hell it was.

Bonus: What is the perfect name for your penis or a penis you use often?
For some reason The Love Machine keeps coming up. That sounds very seventies.

World Penis Size Map: Where would you like to visit? cl ick

Well, definitely not Thailand. Nothing against the Thai people, but if I'm traveling for sexual purposes I would rather go somewhere on the larger side. I'd probably go to Italy or Greece, because Mediterranean men turn me on.

We will leave you with this Monty Python classic:

Marshmallow Monday

2012-01-09T00:05:00.000-08:00

Because we tried and failed to come up with an adjective beginning with 'M' that adequately sums up our new weekly photo feature, we have decided to give the feature a revolving title, with the descriptive word changing based on the subject matter of the photo. Considering that many words begin with the letter M, this gives us a nearly limitless amount of ideas for future installments. We hope they help you get your work week started right!

Thanks to everyone who proposed a title last week. I'm sure all of your suggestions will eventually be used.

This week's picture features the aftermath of some s'more-making that occurred this weekend. I love s'mores! They always remind me of sitting by a campfire when I was little, and they're so fun to eat.

- Jill

Sunday Stealing: The Never Ending Meme, Part One

2012-01-08T02:05:00.000-08:00

Today we ripped off a blogger named Tense Teacher of the blog Tense for a Reason. We've ripped her off not so long ago as well. It's pretty amazing since she stopped posting in 2007. But that's where we live as a thief. Also, it's long so we'll do it in parts. She does not say where she got it from. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player's posts. It's a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack's Answers

1. Song that always makes you sad?
I answered a similar question in a TMI Tuesday from last year:

"untitled #1", also known as "Vaka", by Icelandic rock band Sigur Rós. Though I haven't the slightest idea what it's about, the song itself is haunting thanks to lead singer Jónsi Birgisson's vocals, but it becomes even more tragic and heartbreaking upon watching the video, which depicts post-apocalyptic schoolchildren enjoying recess in the middle of nuclear winter.

At the time, Hedone commented that she didn't think she'd watch the video. But in the off chance that she reads this and has changed her mind, I'm embedding said video below.

(Note that all the versions I found on YouTube cut right to the vocals, but the album version of the track features an instrumental portion at the beginning.)

2. Last thing you bought?
As of this writing (although not necessarily when it's posted), the most recent purchase I made was lunch today: A couple slices of pizza.

3. Last person you argued with?
Probably my mom.

4. Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on?
No. If I'm eating a peanut butter sandwich, I'm not sure the butter is going to add anything. Maybe if I'm grilling it, but I've honestly never made a grilled peanut butter sandwich.

5. One of your stuffed animals’ names as a kid?
I can only recall one stuffed animal from my childhood that had a name, and to be perfectly honest it's the sort of name that would immediately identify me to anyone reading this who happens to have known me during childhood. So I'll just say that my stuffed kitty-cat was named Mr. Jingles, with the understanding that I never had a stuffed kitty-cat, much less one named Mr. Jingles.

6. Did you ever at one time own a Barenaked Ladies CD?
Not a physical copy of one, but I've got mp3s of pretty much all of their stuff.

7. Favorite day of the week?
I'm going to say Friday. While it's not usually an easy day for me by any means, I have the entirety of my weekend ahead of me. While I love the relative lack of work on Saturdays, by Saturday night my weekend is already winding down.

8. Favorite sundae topping?
I'm probably starting a trend here, because I know that my answers to some of this week's questions will be along the lines of "I can't choose", but I can't choose. If I'm having a sundae, it's got to have hot fudge or chocolate syrup, or occasionally a warm sliced strawberry topping of which I'm fond. It should also have chopped or slivered almonds, although I'll gladly take walnuts if necessary. Whipped cream is not necessary but I don't usually refuse it; and a cherry is essential. And if it's got all that, you may as well add a banana.

9. Did you take piano lessons?
No. I once had an electronic keyboard, but I sucked at it. My parents weren't about to invest money in piano lessons - or for that matter a piano itself - for a kid who was so obviously bereft of musical talent.

10. Most frequent song played?
It sounds like this is a follow-up to the previous question. Since I've never played a song on the piano, I will instead go with the song most frequently played on my mp3 player. That would be the Oscar-winning Theme From Shaft, by Isaac Hayes. Going back to my formative years, this song has always been a favorite of mine. Few songs can inspire an awkward thirteen-year-old to feelings of badassery like this one.

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?
There aren't any. I enjoy the things I enjoy openly and without shame. I've never understood the concept of a guilty pleasure, either.

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?
Definitely basketball, despite the fact that I lack the height, and I'm decent on ice skates.

13. Date someone older or younger?
No preference. I've dated older, younger, and the same age, and I generally had a pretty good time of it. Age was never really a deciding factor.

14. One place you could travel right now?
I need to travel to bed soon, as I'm writing this at 12:30 AM after a very long day.

15. Do you use umbrellas?
No. I carry one when I'm out with the baby, but I haven't used it as it's been pretty dry the last couple months. In the past, I've never been particularly good about remembering to bring an umbrella, and at any rate I tend not to spend much time outside when it's raining anyway.

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem?
O Canada! Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command
With glowing hearts we see thee rise
The true north strong and free!
And stand on guard, O Canada
We stand on guard for thee
...That's all I got. So I guess the answer is no.

17. Favorite cheese?
I like blue cheese, whether served as salad dressing, crumbled atop a burger, or combined with panko breadcrumbs to make a delicious crust for filet mignon. Blue cheese is pungent and delicious, and just so happens to be the only thing with blue veins that I've ever had in my mouth.

18. The Smith’s or The Cure?
Despite the importance of The Smiths to the British underground music scene of the early 1980s, and despite my preference of their indie sound over The Cure's gothic New Wave, growing up I listened to The Cure a lot more than I did The Smiths. That said, I do find it notable that the frontman of The Cure is Robert Smith, and feel that he would have been well-suited to switch places with Morrissey as the frontman of The Smiths.

19. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?
I prefer brunettes, although as you might guess from my answer to #13, hair color was never really a deciding factor for me on who to date.

20. Best job you ever had?
Definitely a blow job.

Jill's Answers

1. Song that always makes you sad?
Jack suggests that I answer "Whatever sappy song happens to be playing while I'm on my period." He's right, but I'm going to go with Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole. It was played at my Grandmother's funeral, and it always makes me think of how much I love and miss her.

2. Last thing you bought?
I bought two pairs of thong panties from Kohl's. They had a buy one, get one half off deal. I'm sure you'll be able to see them on the next couple #thongthursdays if you follow us on Twitter.

3. Last person you argued with?
My daughter, who refused to go to bed. I won! She's sleeping right this minute.

4. Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on?
No. I have never done this. I used to put butter before jelly, but not anymore. All the butter does is add calories.

5. One of your stuffed animals’ names as a kid?
I don't think I ever named them, actually. How about Fred? I'm going to say that I once had some kind of stuffed animal named Fred.

6. Did you ever at one time own a Barenaked Ladies CD?
My friend burned me a copy of one once. Does that count? I've seen them in concert a couple times, so it's not like I'm a total leech.

7. Favorite day of the week?
I love Saturdays because I get to be home with my family, and unlike Sundays I don't have to return to work the next day.

8. Favorite sundae topping?
I like caramel sauce on my sundae. I have also drizzled it on my nipples and had Jack lick it off. While we're talking dirty, I like nuts as well.

9. Did you take piano lessons?
No. We didn't have a piano when I was growing up. In the late 1980s, my parents got a piano, and my younger sisters took lessons.

10. Most frequent song played?
On the piano? For God's sake, read my answer to question #9!

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?
Pretty Little Liars. It seems to be geared toward teenagers and twentysomethings, definitely not my demographic. But I like the mystery aspect, so I watch it.

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?
Basketball. I'm not crazy about the idea of taking a hockey puck to the teeth.

13. Date someone older or younger?
Younger. And I married him!

14. One place you could travel right now?
Does this mean a place I would like to go right now? Or does it mean a place that's convenient to travel right now? I'm guessing that it means a place I would like to go right now. I'll say Disneyland.

15. Do you use umbrellas?
No. They're more of a pain in the ass than they're worth. I try not to spend too much time outside when it's raining anyway, and if all I have to do is run to my car, it would take me more time to open and close the umbrella than it would take to just run, unlock the door and get in. Plus, then you've got a wet umbrella fucking up your upholstery.

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem?
No. Do you?

17. Favorite cheese?
Dubliner Irish cheddar.

18. The Smith’s or The Cure?
The Cure. I never really listened to The Smiths.

19. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?
Brunettes. I find blondes attractive as well, but my natural preference is toward darker hair, and frequently darker features as well. This applies to men and women.

20. Best job you ever had?
The best job I ever had was probably the school where I first taught kindergarten. The students and their parents were wonderful, and the staff was like a family. In fact, I still get together with members of the faculty despite the fact that I haven't taught there in five years.

Sinful Sunday: Cleaning Up

2012-01-08T00:05:00.001-08:00

A shower is the perfect thing to do after a long night spent getting dirty.

This is our first time participating in Sinful Sunday. Click the link to see what other sinners are taking part.

Thoughts on New Years Eve and Social Nudity with Friends

2012-01-07T00:05:00.000-08:00

We're not big go-out-and-get-drunk-on-New-Year's-Eve people. Even before we became parents, we were loathe to go out on New Year's Eve or St. Patrick's Day, knowing that the crowds of amateur drinkers would kill the fun for people like Jack and I. When I say amateur drinkers, you know what I mean: Douchebaggy guys who couldn't possibly get laid if alcohol didn't exist. Shrill, anorexic nineteen-year-olds with fake IDs that are just out to make the scene. People who are so unused to drinking that they don't know how their bodies will handle certain drinks. People who get plastered by ten-thirty, and whose friends then have to be responsible for them for the rest of the night. People who expect others, especially bartenders and cab drivers, to clean up after them. Or worse, people who think they are the one person in the world capable of driving drunk.

So we tend to stay away from bars on New Year's Eve. We'll gladly go and get drunk on a random Friday night when the crowds might be heavy, but most people aren't trying to do one more stupid and reckless thing before the year changes. Some New Year's Eves, we end up going to a friend's house. Other times we host, as whenever possible we prefer to stay home. This year we had absolutely nothing planned. We thought we would put the baby to bed, watch the ball drop, and then have a couple hours of sex provided she stayed asleep. That sounded great to us, and had that been all that happened, it would have made a wonderful and memorable New Year's Eve.

Instead, we were invited out by friends of ours, who we will call "P" (the wife), and "N" (the husband). Eager to spend time with them, but not interested in competing for space at a bar, we suggested that they come to our house instead. They agreed. Jack and I had spent the day packing for our impending move, and it took only a short while to tidy up the house, clean the bathrooms, and move all of our boxes into the garage. Even though we weren't going out, we asked Jack's aunt to babysit. It probably wasn't necessary, as we found out when we picked up the baby that she'd slept for much of the night, and it stands to reason that she would have slept just as well if she was home with us. Furthermore, we know P and N well (I've been friends with P since kindergarten), and we knew that there wasn't much chance of the evening turning into a huge four-way orgy that would have sent our daughter into catatonia had she woken up and stumbled onto it.

In the end we snacked and drank some wine while watching a movie with our friends. Around eleven o'clock we took a dip in the hot tub. P and N hadn't brought swimsuits, so N borrowed a pair of Jack's swimming trunks, and P borrowed a sports bra and a pair of spandex workout shorts of mine. Now, I know what you're thinking: Why did we even bother with swimsuits? Surely Jack and I are so sexy that, once in our presence, people have no choice but to strip off and service us sexually. While that is a flattering thought, it is unfortunately not the case.

Would we have liked it if something a bit more daring occurred? Of course we would have. Would we have had the slightest idea of how to make it happen? Definitely not. Jack and I aren't exactly shy. We have gotten naked with certain friends before, usually while hot tubbing, and usually when alcohol is involved. But not with these particular friends. I don't know why, exactly. Before she met her husband, Jack and I spent an evening at P's house watching softcore porn on premium cable. Sex is a topic I've discussed with her at some length, although she knows nothing about this blog and, given the fact that she is close to my parents and my siblings, it's probably for the best that she not find out.

So why didn't we get naked? The easy answer is because, when we suggested continuing our evening in the hot tub, they said, "Well, we didn't bring our swimsuits, period." They didn't say, "Well, we didn't bring our swimsuits, dot dot dot." We are pretty good about being able to read between the lines, and can usually tell when someone is open to such a thing and leaving the decision up to us, as opposed to when their feelings are pretty clear. To us, their discomfort with the idea of social nudity seemed apparent, and this is why we offered them clothes.

But a more complex answer is that suggesting that we all get naked and get in the hot tub might be the sort of thing that could place a major stumbling block in the path of our four-way friendship. Or it might not. Even if they didn't immediately say, "Of course we'll get naked in the hot tub and push our relationship boundaries with you guys," there's no reason to assume that they'll be so offended by the suggestion that they can never again look us in the eye, or worse, feel the need to shame us publicly for it. They might laugh it off, or else politely decline.

I am very familiar with the expression, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." I know that without taking a risk, reward is impossible. But considering how much I hate wearing clothes, it's always been difficult for me to propose social nudity to people I know well. Part of this is due to my body image issues, although I think I've gotten better about it in recent years. It's a little easier for Jack, who has the advantage of having a reputation amongst some of our friends for constantly thinking about sex anyway.

Part of it is also due to the societal stigma surrounding sex and nudity, at least in the United States. The overwhelming conservative attitude that places a taboo on sexuality, and the general ignorance that associates nudity with sex, make it very risky to propose getting naked. What if our suggestion is rebuffed? What if our friends look at us negatively? What if our families and our employers find out? While these are the same fears I brought up earlier, they are very real concerns for us.

I know that we can bring up social nudity with certain of our friends, including my best friend and her husband. But this is only because they brought it up first. I don't know that I would have been bold enough to suggest hot tubbing naked had they not instigated it originally. Ironically, though, both are very conservative and have given absolutely no indication that they would be comfortable with the clothing-optional stuff going any further than sitting in a hot tub.

Have any of you had to jump through this sort of a hurdle before? How do you go about breaking the ice?

-Jill

Formspring Friday: The Impossible Choice

2012-01-06T00:05:00.000-08:00

There is a sense of friendship in both the Twitter and Sex Blogger worlds. Which do you prefer? If you had to stop posting/visiting one or the other, which would you give up and why?

Jack's Answer

While the sense of friendship and/or community on Twitter is very similar to that in the sex blogosphere, to me both feel distinctive. This is surprising because there are many individuals who exist in both worlds, further blurring the line between the two. That said, I enjoy the relative disparateness of both communities tremendously.

I can't honestly say that I prefer one network over the other. Twitter has its own unique qualities, as does the sex blogosphere, and I appreciate different things about both. For this reason I would find it very difficult to keep one network while letting the other go.

Were I forced to pick one over the other, I think I would choose the blog over Twitter. It would not be an easy decision for me to make, and I would miss Twitter primarily for the near-instant gratification and general ease of interaction. I would also miss the individuals we've met on Twitter who do not blog.

As a writer, however, I find blogging more of a natural fit for me. Blogging is less structured and can be more in-depth than Twitter. A blog post can consist of virtually anything, from text and pictures to audio and video. And while a Tweet can include multimedia as links, the 140-character constraint is exactly that, a constraint. I would hate for my primary means of communication to be limited in this fashion.

Additionally, blogging is more permanent than Twitter. I don't know how far back Twitter archives the approximately three hundred million messages that are tweeted each day, but I do know that if it is possible to scroll back to the beginning of one's timeline it would probably take weeks. But if I want to read something I wrote on the blog in October of 2009, it would take me at most three clicks.

Jill's Answer

I love our blog, not only for the opportunity that it gives us to talk about sex in a welcoming and repercussion-free environment, but also for the fact that it is an in-depth record of our sexual lives. I am very grateful to have the opportunity to talk about so many of my experiences and fantasies, and to write erotic fiction as well.

While the blog is more personal, for my purposes Twitter is just more practical. I don't see myself as a writer, really. Despite the fact that I have written a lot of the posts on the blog, I currently don't write anywhere near as much as Jack does. And although I enjoy the accolades that I get in response to the pictures we've posted of me, the fact is that I could post the same pictures on Twitter using Moby (although I would probably get far less feedback).

Between work, parenthood, and miscellaneous family and social obligations, I'm a lot busier than I was a few years ago. This is why Jack writes most of what is posted to the blog. Because of my increasingly busy schedule, Twitter is the preferable option. Twitter is much more interactive than the blog, enabling me to be social with relatively little effort or investment.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring. (You can do so anonymously if you prefer.) We like sexy questions!

The Naughty Hangout

2012-01-05T09:32:00.000-08:00

As you know, last week marked the final official week for HNT. Osbasso requested that we pull out all the stops and make our final HNT posts memorable. We found ourselves on a clothing-optional beach on Christmas Eve, appropriately one of the most fun experiences we've ever had taking an HNT picture.

We enjoyed participating on and off for the last couple years, and while we had planned to continue posting something every Thursday, it did seem a little odd to give the long-running meme a send-off full of fanfare and fireworks only to resume business as usual the following Thursday, i.e. today. We suppose it's not unlike graduating from high school and then returning to your alma mater the following September to roam the halls.

[Note to the many bloggers who have published an HNT post today: This is in no way a dig at you. We love looking at all of your efforts, and will do so as long as you continue to post them. In fact, if you've posted an HNT that we should see, please let us know; without the usual conglomeration of "We're up!" comments at Osbasso's blog, I'm afraid many such posts will go unnoticed by us.]

Additionally, Osbasso stated on his blog that he hoped that future half-nekkidness would utilize a different name, out of respect for the retirement of HNT, as well as for the "hundreds upon hundreds who participated." We can understand this, though more in accordance with the official retirement we felt that it was time for a change. And who knows? In a month's time, desiring the sense of community that we got from HNT, we may resume. But for now we are trying something different.

Several individuals, including Nolens Volens and HeartPinkGirl, have created The Naughty Hangout. (See what they did? TNH...it's HNT backwards.)

The inaugural theme for The Naughty Hangout is "De-Xmas'ing", described on the TNH blog as "the process of taking down your decorations and putting them away for the year." This is what that process looks like at our house:

Seen in this shot are the negligee and Santa hat worn by Jill in Santa's Sexy Helper Part 2, a candy cane identical to the one featured in A Christmas Meme, and a Santa Claus ornament shown in one of our Moby uploads. No Jill, though. I think that's a first.

-Jack

Jack's Dating Advice, Hookup Tips, and Guy Type Analyses

2012-01-05T00:05:00.000-08:00

A year and a half ago, a female friend of Jill and myself, constantly frustrated by the typical travails of a single woman in her thirties hoping to meet Mr. Right or a reasonable fascimile thereof, came to me for advice. Being a resonable fascimile of Mr. Right myself, I humbly offered her my expert tutelage. What follows is the e-mail I sent her, which she actually printed out and which we subsequently discussed while drinking at a local Chili's Grill & Bar.

I would like to say that my advice was so spot-on, so unquestionably perfect, that she immediately met the love of her life and they're getting married this weekend in Las Vegas! I would like to say this, but it would be a lie. I will say (without any tangible proof) that my advice has certainly improved her ability to locate and date compatible men. However, while she is attending a wedding in Las Vegas this weekend, it is that of a very close friend and not her own. Oh well.

Anyway, without further ado, here it is. Note that clarifications and addenda are included in italics.

THE BASICS

FIRST – be yourself.

SECOND - know your value as not only a romantic or sexual partner, but also as a human being. Be confident in your beauty and desirability, and bear in mind that, in the dating scene, women always have the upper hand. The market is flooded with hundreds of thousands of men all competing for the same fifty or so women; that fact alone makes you a very valuable commodity. Don’t jump through hoops for an available man. Let the available man jump through hoops for you.

THIRD – ignore all dating tips found in “Women’s magazines” like Cosmopolitan, Vogue and Glamour. Women’s magazines are bullshit propaganda run by clueless idiots and designed to promote the status quo. None have ever published a single bit of useful advice pertaining to relations (sexual or otherwise) between men and women. Additionally anything any human being can do to put these horrible publications out of business is truly God’s work, so by ignoring them you are killing two birds with one stone.

FOURTH – if intimidation is a concern, refrain from trying to pick up guys while out with a group of friends. Men are much less likely to be intimidated by a woman who approaches them alone than by one who approaches them with her entourage. This is a vastly preferable course of action than changing your personality, as men who are attracted to a mousy, quiet woman will bolt at the first sign of your real personality. (See “FIRST”, above.)

Note: The friend for whom this e-mail was intended is very forward, and the possibility of intimidating a single guy was a specific concern of hers.

FIFTH – the cougar thing is awful and makes you sound predatory. Older women in search of younger men should think better of themselves than to liken themselves to wild animals, which makes the rest of us feel sorry for them and laugh uncontrollably at the idea of a woman prancing about like some sort of wildcat. While I understand that for some women, the term "cougar" is a sort of defense mechanism, the truth is that there is nothing wrong with or shameful about your sexuality. It is a gift that anyone would be privileged to experience, and should not be seen as an offensive capability.

Note: Until meeting (not literally) fellow blogger Cougar in Training, I had never used this term with a straight face unless I was talking about the animal species puma concolor, in which case I'd probably just say "mountain lion". While I stand by my opinion of the concept of addressing oneself as a cougar, I concede that some cougars (especially those still in training) are really hot.

SIXTH – if you have not already done so, establish an e-mail address that you give only to potential hookups. Do not associate any personal information with this e-mail address, not even your full name. Avoid using this e-mail address for any other purpose.

PLACES TO MEET GUYS YOU MAY NOT HAVE CONSIDERED

Bookstore/café

College library

Dog park

Gym

Online

Shopping mall

Comic convention

Comic shop

Video store (while some still exist)

(If bars have not been working, avoid them.)

TYPES OF SINGLE GUYS YOU MAY BE INTERESTED IN

Note: When the following personality type analyses were written, it was not my intention to share them on this blog. The sarcasm with which the following is imbued should be familiar to anyone who has read one of our TMI Tuesday entries, and like those entries much of what follows is meant in jest. No offense is intended to anyone who identifies with any of the following personality types. Also, while many of the points made will be universal, your mileage may vary. Additionally, these analyses are intended for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for any unforeseen outcomes resulting from your use. None of the following is to be taken as an endorsement or condemnation of any given personality type. Use only as directed.

The Geek:
This guy will wow you with his knowledge of World of Warcraft, knows how to speak Klingon, and can recite more Monty Python routines word-for-word than you’ve ever even seen. He may not be particularly flashy, and may actually be socially retarded; but because geeks tend to be grateful for your attention, they are therefore open to suggestion and eager to please.
Pros:
You’ll have a lot in common. Also, geeks are usually quite well-read and knowledgeable about a variety of subjects. Additionally, since geeks are commonly late bloomers in the ways of love, many have spent much time reading about what they’re missing out on, and are thus unbelievable in the sack.
Cons:
Geeks can be annoying, socially awkward, or unwilling to take charge. Geeks sometimes accumulate vast amounts of stuff, including comics, toys and gaming paraphernalia. Also, since the geek spectrum is quite large, there’s a good chance that the geek you pick up will be of a different type than what you’re looking for, i.e. you’re a sci-fi geek and your newfound boy toy is crazy for comics. Yes, areas of geekdom do frequently overlap, but this is not guaranteed.
Natural Habitat:
Comic shops, electronics stores, bookstores, libraries, college campuses, Apple Stores, midnight movie premieres
Your Strategy and Approach:
Because Geeks are a sheepish, sometimes easily-frightened subcategory, your potential Geek hookup may be unwilling to make the first move out of fear of rejection. Because of this, you will probably have to initiate contact. Talking with a geek in a relaxed, social setting will demonstrate that you have common interests and may help him to overcome his shyness. Bear in mind that an aggressive approach should not be your first choice. Taking a more passive tact with a potential Geek hookup may prove a boost to his self-esteem and inspire him to take charge.

The Intellectual:
This guy values intelligence over all else. He is calm, rational, and logical. When he doesn’t have his nose buried in a book, he may be writing one. Always certain to impress your parents, if not make them wonder what he’s doing with you, an intellectual is likely to be an acadmic, a researcher, or a scientist.
Pros:
Intellectuals are smart, mature, and articulate. As such, they are unlikely to use internet shorthand like “ROFL”, “LMAO”, or “OMG” during spoken conversation. Their analytical nature leads them to look at any situation or problem from all angles. Like the geek, the Intellectual is probably knowledgeable, and what’s more, the Intellectual’s knowledge base is not primarily based on pop culture and therefore actually useful. Also, the Intellectual’s inclination toward the fields of science and engineering may mean your prospective pickup has major bank.
Cons:
Intellectuals are usually guided by their minds as opposed to their emotions, and because of this they are sometimes unable to relate to people. The Intellectual’s analytical nature may indicate a lack of imagination in the bedroom. Their tendency to debate may prove annoying over time. Depending on how they view women, an Intellectual might feel threatened by your superior intelligence, or alternately may flaunt what he perceives as his own intellectual superiority. They are unlikely to be inclined toward any particular religious beliefs, though depending on your own spiritual leanings, this may be better placed under the “Pros” heading.
Natural Habitat:
Bookstores, libraries, coffee shops, college campuses
Your Strategy and Approach:
Since many Intellectuals are confident and well-adjusted, an aggressive approach is typically not a deal-breaker. Your Intellectual prospect might appreciate your honesty and decisiveness, though you may find your forward nature the subject of his “expert analysis”.

The Religious Type:
This guy believes in some manner of possibly make-believe nonsense. Be it Jesus, Budddha, Cthulhu or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Religious Type is willing to believe in some Great Intangible for which he has been given absolutely no proof. You may find the Religious Type to be a suitable romantic partner, but there’s a good chance that he loves his possibly non-existent deity of choice more than he loves you.
Pros:
Religious Types are often – though not always – non-violent, loving people. Their faith in their religion probably translates to faith in their relationships, which means he won’t play around behind your back. Also, because they typically adhere to traditional gender roles, a Religious Type is more likely to take charge in a relationship than to wait for you to do so. Additionally, the fact that Religious Types come in multiple flavors from Christian to Muslim to Scientologist, as well as from casual practitioner to frothing-at-the-mouth fundamentalist psychopath, means that dating them can potentially be an exciting (if unpredictable) adventure.
Cons:
There is no guarantee that the Religious Type you hook up with will find your religion compatible with his own, and in fact his religion may be openly at odds with yours. Religious Types are often extremely conservative both politically and socially. They are not known for their sexual open-mindedness; you are unlikely to experience sex before marriage with a Religious Type, and for that matter once you’re married you’re unlikely to experience anything but vanilla lights off missionary position sex. In extreme cases, Religious Types are dangerous lunatics, and even if they don’t manifest their violence toward you, this individual may bring with him more baggage than he is worth.
Natural Habitat:
Church, religious supply stores, bookstores, book burnings, anti-abortion rallies
Your Strategy and Approach:
An aggressive approach is definitely not called for, in keeping with the Religious Type’s adherence to traditional gender roles. Dress conservatively. When attempting to hook up with a Religious Type you should be passive to the point of submission, and non-vocal. In fact, being flirtatious is probably too aggressive for the typical Religious Type.

The Sports Fan:
This guy is just as obsessed with minutiae as the Geek, but because the minutiae on which he’s fixated includes the statistics of every player on his favorite team as opposed to the powers of every member of the X-Men, he probably won’t appreciate being called that. Like the Religious Type, this guy has a Sunday ritual, but his involves sitting on his favorite comfortable chair and watching football all day.
Pros:
The loyalty that many die-hard sports fans show to their favorite teams is probably an indicator of how they feel about their relationships. Willingness to drop hundreds if not thousands of dollars on season tickets, clothing and other team paraphernalia points to healthy feelings about commitment. Additionally, because sports are ubiquitous in American society, the Sports Fan comes in multiple flavors, from blue collar slob to upwardly mobile professional.
Cons:
If you’re not particularly into sports, none of the above will matter to you, and in fact you may find your Sports Fan's obsession alienating. If you are into sports, your Sports Fan pickup may not be into the same one(s) that you are. Many Sports Fans who only watch sports as opposed to participating are out of shape, thanks to their sedentary lifestyle and excessive consumption of beer. Speaking of which, you may find yourself pressured into a subservient role (i.e. beer wench) come game time. Also, some Sports Fans riot and burn things when their teams WIN. Choose carefully.
Natural Habitat:
Sports bars, sporting events, sports memorabilia conventions
Your Strategy and Approach:
Though in generations past, professional sports was the exclusive domain of men, today many Sports Fans prefer to enjoy their sporting events with like-minded women. Therefore you may demonstrate your knowledge of sports without fear of rejection. Visiting a sports bar while wearing the colors of a local sports team is a good way to be noticed by a potential Sports Fan hookup, if not several.

The Player:
Slick and polished, this guy knows the ins and outs of the game, and is eager to play it with you, whether you like it or not. Though not a good long-term prospect, consider the Player if you’re looking for some no-strings-attached fun.
Pros:
Players are suave, handsome, excellent at flirtation, and will pull out all the stops to get you into bed. And since they’ve had lots of practice, once you’re there you’ll probably be in good hands.
Cons:
There’s probably not much chance of fostering a long-term, serious relationship with a Player. Emotional attachment is unwise, since there’s no chance of reciprocation, and you’re unlikely to be the only woman he’s sleeping with. Though not necessarily a common phenomenon, some Players are selfish lovers. Others are more egregious transmitters of disease than Patient Zero, and worse yet, unaware of this fact.
Natural Habitat:
Bars and clubs, upscale men's clothing stores
Your Approach:
Hang out by the bar looking hot, and he’ll come to you. But be sure you have an exit strategy in mind beforehand (preferably something decisive along the lines of “get in and get out”) in order to minimize your chances of being hurt by a Player.

The Professional:
This guy is skilled, smooth-talking, social and upwardly mobile. Whether working in a downtown high-rise or the owner of a small business, the Professional frequently represents nothing so much as absolute and total stability.
Pros:
Where do I begin? Professionals are likely to be financially well-off. They are usually intelligent (frequently though not always a college graduate), confident and goal-oriented. They may be ethical and/or trustworthy. They maintain high standards of performance and may be perfectionists, both of which bode well for your bedroom activities. Most Professionals, especially those who work in a corporate setting, are incredibly sharp-dressers.
Cons:
The Professional and the Player may overlap. Some Professionals are, by necessity, salesmen and will do or say anything to close a deal. Additionally, because the Professional is by nature dedicated to his profession, he may work long hours or even be fixated on his work to the point of shunning all else. Expect an inconvenient last minute change-of-plans at least occasionally.
Natural Habitat:
Upscale eateries and bars
Your Strategy and Approach:
Though being employed in a vocation populated by young, upwardly-mobile professionals increases your chances of networking - and hooking up - with professionals, this is not your only option. Simply patronizing such a company increases your contact with cute guys in business suits. You should also get a sense for where the Professionals in your area hang out. Is there a trendy lunch spot that you’ve noticed serves a lot of people in business suits? Make it a habit to spend a couple lunch hours each week eating there, and you’ll quickly catch the eye of a Professional or two. As for your specific approach, remember that many Professionals are salesmen. Rather than taking an aggressive tact, merely sit back and listen while they make their pitch.

The Hippie:
Politically- and socially-conscious, this guy listens to The Grateful Dead, wears hemp, and smokes a lot of weed. Though frequently angry about one of a thousand social ills, his solution is to get together with a group of like-minded individuals and create the world’s largest fingerpainting.
Pros:
Hippies are sensitive to social issues including but not limited to women’s rights, and this coupled with the almost universal hippie sensitivity means they’re probably good lovers. They’re not usually aggressive, and in fact may be attracted to aggressive women. Additionally, hippies may be poetically, musically or artistically inclined.
Cons:
First and foremost, Hippies are gross. Soap and water are their Kryptonite. They eschew “normal” clothing, i.e. that made from animal by-products or by third-world child labor; and instead dress shabbily for political reasons. Socialist by nature, they are rarely employed and therefore unlikely to drop wads of cash in an attempt to impress you. In fact, a typical Hippie date probably involves being arrested for civil disobedience. And it should go without saying that, if a Hippie ever proposes marriage, he’ll do so without giving you a ring, since – as he’ll tell you - the diamond industry was built on the corpses of South African diamond miners. Of course, if you’ve been dating a Hippie long enough that he proposes marriage, you’ll already know this, and will be planning to honeymoon in Johannesburg in the hopes of shutting down De Beers.
Natural Habitat:
College campuses, protest marches or rallies, holding cells
Your Strategy and Approach:
If you’d really like to meet and possibly sleep with a foul-smelling, dirty, long-haired hippie – not that I recommend it - the quickest way is to join some sort of extreme left wing political organization or cause. U.S. out of Iraq? Not nearly extreme enough. I’m thinking more along the lines of Save the Endangered Amazonian Blood Tick, Marriage is Legal Slavery, The U.S. Government is Spying on us While We’re on the Toilet, or Women of Color Against Shaving Their Pubic Hair. (Remember that the more freaky and/or "niche" the cause, the more likely you are to be embraced by a Birkenstock-wearing, Phish-listening LSD freak.) But you can’t just join one of these groups; you must actually embrace and believe in their philosophy. That means looking and acting the part, and above all attending demonstrations. Hippies can sense insincerity, and unless you are genuine, you won’t succeed in snaring the unwashed man of your dreams.

The Frat Boy:
The pinnacle of immaturity, the Frat Boy is a hooting, hollering display of out-of-control testosterone. Although preferring the company of his fraternity brothers over women seems to be an indicator of latent homosexuality, these guys do manage to get laid. It’s just that when they’re finished, they won't bother walking you to your car as they’re too busy letting another guy sniff their fingers.
Pros:
Because Frat Boys tend to be young, they are likely to have impressive stamina, and be at or near their sexual peak.
Cons:
Because Frat Boys tend to be young, they are more likely to be selfish, inexperienced or just plain lousy in bed. Also, Frat Boys WILL take naked pictures of you without your knowledge, and post them on the internet. If that’s not reason enough to stay away, Google “donkey punch.”
Natural Habitat:
College campuses, frat houses, sorority houses, keggers, liquor stores, bars, clubs
Your Strategy and Approach:
You don’t really want to date a Frat Boy, do you?

-Jack

Retro HNT: Self-Reliance

2012-01-04T00:02:00.000-08:00

"Self-Reliance", posted February 4, 2010

We posted fifty-two straight weeks of pictures at OHNT in 2010. We're posting them on our blog, one per week. They can be found here, along with all the comments we received.

TMI Tuesday: January 3, 2012

2012-01-03T05:00:00.000-08:00

Jack's Answers

1. Finish this sentence: In the New Year _________ .
...I resolve to not make any ridiculous resolutions I have no intention of keeping.

2. Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? If yes, what are they for 2012?
Ahem. If you've skipped right to question #2, I stated in the first question that I don't make resolutions, and therefore haven't made any for 2012. Okay, for the purpose of this edition of TMI Tuesday, I will play along and say that I resolve to keep this blog running smoothly. If I manage, it will be nice to reach the end of 2012 and see how prolific we were compared to 2009, which is thusfar the only year wherein we blogged consistently (well, occasionally) from January to December. Fifty-four is the number to beat.

3. What New Year’s resolutions did you make last year?
Once again, I don't make resolutions. Of course, this will be the most boring TMI Tuesday in the history of this blog if I don't get creative, so here goes. Last year I resolved to get completely addicted to Twitter; masturbate far less frequently than I would like; and be confronted by the most reprehensible social ignorance and blog about it.

4. Think of three of those resolutions, from last year. How did you do in keeping them?
Click the links and see for yourself!

5. What was your most memorable sexual happening/experience in 2011?
We had a threesome. We had three in 2010, and I would have liked to have had a few more this past year. But the one we had was great. You know, I sometimes hear from guys who say that they aren't interested in having two women at once, because one woman is too much for them. These men are full of shit.

Bonus: What was your most memorable experience (activity, event, etc.) in 2011?
See #5.

Jill's Answers

1. Finish this sentence: In the New Year _________ .
I would like to continue to push my sexual boundaries.

2. Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? If yes, what are they for 2012?
For 2012 I have resolved to spend more time with my family, and less time working.

3. What New Year’s resolutions did you make last year?
In 2011, I resolved to exercise four days a week, every single week.

4. Think of three of those resolutions, from last year. How did you do in keeping them?
"Three of those resolutions"? Like I made a dozen or something? My resolution to exercise was the only one I made, and I didn't see it through the whole year. I did okay with it though.

5. What was your most memorable sexual happening/experience in 2011?
By now, you must know that it was performing with Jack in front of an audience at Power Exchange.

Bonus: What was your most memorable experience (activity, event, etc.) in 2011?
My surprise birthday party! Jack pulled out all the stops, inviting family, friends and co-workers to celebrate my fortieth birthday!

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Tag! You're it.

2012-01-03T00:30:00.000-08:00

Our friend SassyCat tagged us for participation in this meme.

Here are the rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things yourself.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this.’ Blah blah blah, you legitmately have to tag 11 peeps!

We're not creating new questions, nor are we tagging anyone. We don't tag. But to make up for our rebelliousness, we're both participating, as you'd expect based on previous question-and-answer memes.

Random Things about Jack

1. I don't like eggs. It's the only thing that comes to mind when someone asks me to name a food I dislike.
2. I'm a T-shirt and jeans kind of guy, although I look good in anything.
3. I have no tattoos. Nothing against them; I'm attracted to women who have them, just as I am attracted to women who do not. But I can think of absolutely nothing that I like enough to put on my body forever. Yes, that includes my wife's name.
4. I'm self-employed.
5. There are two television sets in our house. Three years ago, there were six.
6. I once bungee jumped, when I was about sixteen and didn't give a fuck.
7. I've never dated a woman named Monica, but every person with whom I've been in a long-term relationship with has had a friend by this name.
8. I get asked for relationship advice on the average of once every two weeks.
9. In my twenties, I went sixteen months with an open warrant out for my arrest. I had no knowledge of it.
10. When eating Chinese food in a group setting, I have been known to use chopsticks primarily to make my fork-using dining companions feel inferior.
11. I'm a geek.

Questions from SassyCat - Jack's Answers

1. What is your idea of a truly romantic eveing?
Getting dressed to the nines, dropping the baby off with a sitter, having dinner and wine by candlelight at a restaurant, then returning home for sex. The sex is followed by a shower, at which point we pick up the baby, who hopefully sleeps for a few more hours so we can have more sex.

2. What are your top 5 goals for 2012?
In no particular order: Lose a few pounds. Have some form of group sex or at the very least another threesome. Have more sex in general. Potty-train my daughter. Catch up on my sleep.

3. What's the one life experience you want a "do over?"
None, really. I'm convinced that changing anything - even the things I wish I had done differently - would have led me down a different path that would find me living a different life today.

4. IF you had to sleep with someone you despise in exchange for ONE thing, what would be the ONE thing?
All-encompassing power over all physical matter in the entire universe.

5. IF you could only have sex once more in your life, when would you do it, with whom and where?
I'd have sex with my wife. The where doesn't matter, provided it was someplace comfortable and conducive to sexual arousal. As for the when, I'm not sure. I would probably want to have sex as close to the end as possible, provided that I was physically able. In other words, I would rather anticipate the sex for a long time and then have it, rather than have it right away and spend the rest of my life wishing I could have it again.

6. What's the biggest misconception people have about you?
I can't imagine what misconceptions people might have about me. I'm speaking primarily about personal friends and family members, to whom I try to be an open book. If there are misconceptions amongst my social circle, they're whispered because I haven't heard them. If I had, I'd probably try to dispel them.

7. You are given a racehorse, what would you name it?
Ken Clean-Air Systems.

8. Chose a color that best describes you?
I'm not sure, really. I'd say black, because I tend to wear black, but I don't want to be thought of as some kind of mopey goth or someone who's always in a bad mood. I'd say blue, as it is my favorite color, but that just makes me sound like I'm sad. I'd say white, because oh boy, am I ever white. But that doesn't sound right either. Green? No, that makes me sound envious. Red makes me sound mad. Yellow? Cowardly. Colors have too many connotations.

9. What do you see happening in December 2012?
I assume I'll celebrate Christmas and New Year's Eve, much as I did in December 2011. If you're asking whether I think the world will end, I do not, though I am eager to see how the simple-minded among us adjust, first to the misconception about the world ending, and then to the realization that it has not.

10. Who are you closer to ... mom or dad?
My mom, who stayed home to raise me when I was a child. As I now stay home to raise my own daughter, I hope that she and I will have a similarly close relationship.

11. Are you gonna tag 11 of your online friends?
No. I'm not the tagging sort. I figure if someone wants to post this, they will. They can even use these questions, as I'm not adding new ones.

Random Things about Jill

1. I don't like the taste of red and blue M&Ms. Probably because of the dye used, I find that they taste different than all the others.
2. I'm afraid of heights. I don't like being on ladders or cliffs.
3. My favorite animal is the spider monkey. They're cute, and I've always wanted to own one.
4. I attended three different colleges before I got my Bachelor's Degree.
5. I was once abandoned in another country (no, not by Jack), and had to find my own way home.
6. I've never worn cowboy boots, and I probably never will.
7. During my second year teaching, my class had a chinchilla as a pet.
8. When I was a little girl, I used to wish upon a star for a huge box of Barbies. Then when I got home I would excitedly check my closet and be disappointed. But I kept on wishing.
9. Tinkerbell is my favorite Disney character, but Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney movie.
10. I love potatoes. I can't think of a single preparation that I don't enjoy.
11. I prefer odd numbers to even numbers.

Questions from SassyCat - Jill's Answers

1. What is your idea of a truly romantic eveing?
Getting dressed up and going out to a nice dinner, followed by a walk on the beach. After that, sex and me falling asleep in Jack's arms are essential.

2. What are your top 5 goals for 2012?
Spend more time with my family, exercise more, get more sleep, continue to expand my sexual horizons, and try one new recipe a week.

3. What's the one life experience you want a "do over?"
Nothing. The regrets that I have aren't such that I would want to change them. They have made me the person that I am today.

4. IF you had to sleep with someone you despise in exchange for ONE thing, what would be the ONE thing?
I don't know. I guess if having sex with this person could save the life of someone I love, I would do it. Does that make sense?

5. IF you could only have sex once more in your life, when would you do it, with whom and where?
It would be with Jack, obviously. As for when, I would want it to be the last thing that I did, because I think having a really great orgasm is the way I would like to leave this life. As for where, I think I would like my last time to be someplace exotic, like a tropical beach.

6. What's the biggest misconception people have about you?
I'm going to guess that the biggest misconception most people have about me is that I'm sexually vanilla. Because I am a teacher, I often dress conservatively, and I don't usually talk sex with people, except for a handful of trusted friends. I have to think that the last thing people would ever guess about me is that I have a sex blog, for instance.

7. You are given a racehorse, what would you name it?
Clementine. It's the first thing that came to mind.

8. Chose a color that best describes you?
Yellow. Like me, it's bright and cheery.

9. What do you see happening in December 2012?
I'll celebrate Christmas with my family and friends. I hope to watch my daughter open her Christmas presents. I'd love to take a trip to Disneyland!

10. Who are you closer to ... mom or dad?
Probably my mom. Since having a baby, she and I are much closer. I come to her for advice and support.

11. Are you gonna tag 11 of your online friends?
Nope.

If you decide to play along, let us know. We'd love to read your answers!

Mondays in Search of an Adjective

2012-01-02T05:00:00.000-08:00

With the apparent demise of Half-Nekkid Thursday, we thought we would switch days and begin posting photos on Mondays instead. We don't have a regular meme that we post on Mondays, and we thought that this would spice up the start of the work week.

Coming up with a title was a challenge. We wanted something alliterative, but nothing really had the proper ring to it. Marvelous Mondays? Mischievous Mondays? Mundane Mondays? No, certainly not that last one! Until we come up with something better (and really, what could be worse?) we're calling this Mondays in Search of an Adjective.

This week's MiSoaA features me in my New Year's Eve attire. We had vanilla friends over, so I was also wearing a cute black skirt and a black top, but they are out of frame. I like this picture because of the way the shadow of my foot hangs in space on the right side of the shot.

- Jill