Dirty Haiku #1

As stated in yesterday's entry, we were planning to answer this week's TMI Tuesday questions, provided a new set was posted today. It was, but neither Jill nor I found ourselves particularly motivated to write about celebrities we'd like to screw around with. Since I felt sort of obligated to write something today, I decided to post the first in what I imagine will be a series of haiku detailing various points in my sexual life. Please bear in mind that I haven't written poetry in over a decade, and then it was as part of a creative writing class I took in college. Poetry was never the sort of thing I was likely to do of my own free will, until now. I hope this humble three-line poem whets your appetite for more. Here goes!

Jack At Eleven

Found a stash of porn
Jerked off to the memory
Had my first climax

-Jack

TMI Tuesday - Last Week's Edition (Again)

For the past couple weeks, it appears that the list of TMI Tuesday questions have been posted on Tuesday, and not Monday as has frequently been the case. Because we were out of town last week and therefore unable to post our answers to the corresponding set of questions, we are going to post last week's questions this week. Then, if new questions are posted later today, we might end up posting again tomorrow.

Here goes:

Jack's Answers:

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story?

When it's a woman in a skirt going commando? Very sexy. When it's a guy in tight pants going commando? Kind of disgusting, but I try not to stare. When it's me in jeans going commando (for whatever reason) it's pretty painful. My best commando story might be the time Jill "forgot" to wear panties to a work function, and informed me of this fact just as we arrived.

2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?

Nope.

3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is [sic] you are giving? Equally ewwwww?

Ewwwww? Who the hell thinks oral sex is "ewwwww?" Are you serious?

4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?

I can probably be satisfied with one if I have to, but I'd much rather have three or four.

5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too. [sic]" or "Just get in the shower and go to work."

Hard to say, based on those choices. I'm always game for morning sex, even if it's a work morning and I've overslept. However, I'm extremely self-conscious first thing in the morning, and would ideally make a quick sortie to the restroom to wash up and brush my teeth before engaging in any intimate activities.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name?

Yes and yes.

Jill's Answers:

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story?

For a girl, it's sexy. For a guy it's kind of disgusting. I guess it's just an issue of skirt versus pants. Just having your balls rubbing up against your pants, with no underwear, kind of grosses me out for some reason. As for my best commando story, when Jack and I were first dating I decided to go without panties on a dinner date. I think it was the first time I'd ever gone commando, and it was really sexy to be "out in the open" like that. (I was wearing a skirt, obviously.)

2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?

No, unless you're on a time constraint.

3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is [sic] you are giving? Equally ewwwww?

Equally good, whether giving or getting!

4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?

I like to have more than one a night, but I'll take whatever I can get.

5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too. [sic]" or "Just get in the shower and go to work."

Oh hell yes!

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name?

I've alway known the other person's first name at the very least.

TMI Tuesday - Last Week's Edition

It looks like there will be no new set of questions at TMI Tuesday for this week. Since we failed to participate last week, we are submitting our answers to last week's questions now.

Jack's Answers

1. Name one thing that turns you on with unprecedented success.
Jill's mouth.

2. Quick! Look around you and name 3 ordinary items that could be used sexually.
A black Sharpie pen, which could be used for penetration; a blank CD, which could conceivably be fucked by someone with an extremely narrow cock; my laptop, which can be (and frequently is) used to view pornography.

3. Do you consider sex good even if you don't orgasm?
It depends on the sex. If the sex is good, lack of an orgasm won't necessarily make it bad.

4. If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what sexual position or act would you like to experience from the other side?
I suppose I would give doggy style a try.

5.Describe a sexual fantasy in 10 words or less.
Watching a two-woman show, then I get both women.

Bonus (optional): Pretend you're a doctor and a patient has come in with an "ache". What is your course of "treatment"?
Wherever the ache, it's a sure thing that I'll be using my "probe".

Jill's Answers

1. Name one thing that turns you on with unprecedented success.
Oral sex

2. Quick! Look around you and name 3 ordinary items that could be used sexually.
My hair brush would be good for spankings. My back massager could be used as a vibrator. The belt on Jack's bathrobe could double as a blindfold.

3. Do you consider sex good even if you don't orgasm?
Sometimes

4. If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what sexual position or act would you like to experience from the other side?
Having my cock sucked

5.Describe a sexual fantasy in 10 words or less.
Sex in a hot tub while many attractive people watch

Bonus (optional): Pretend you're a doctor and a patient has come in with an "ache". What is your course of "treatment"?
Kisses make everything better...